A few years ago an ex-boyfriend told me something that would change my perspective with regards the opposite sex forever; he was absolutely certain that I had full awareness about how men that day, would be sexually triggered by the leather leggings I was about to put on. Flabbergasted as I was, I had trouble explaining that I had no idea what he was on about, mainly because my head was in awe, trying to comprehend the epiphany that had just happened.
Now, while women might understand why this was a total revelation to me, men might have difficulties, so allow me to break it down to you real quick; starting by explaining the intentions that usually drive our actions. See, the key is to understand how we feel about sexuality and clothes. It is no secret that women are emotionally complex beings, and so the most dangerous thing to do when it comes to us is making assumptions.
For example looking at an attractive guy might make us want to engage but unlike men, by no means is this equivalent to arousal, in fact, from that moment on, our full attention will be on how confident, charismatic, chivalrous, assertive the guy is; but the crucial part will be "how he makes us feel" because only once we are mentally and emotionally engaged, we will be opened for other things to happen, such as sex; women tend to get aroused when they feel loved, taken care of, the centre of someone's universe plus being touched is not important, but mandatory.
With regards to what we wear, it makes sense to ask: What do clothes mean to women? And the answer is literally “a bridge to bliss”; from the misery of looking and feeling unloved, alone, ugly, insecure, too young, too old, invisible, fat, bloated, unimportant, etc. to the bliss of feeling sassy, daring, attractive, fun, playful, confident, sexy, presentable and many other emotions. Like we do with men, we basically choose clothing for how it makes us feel.
Now, since they are main targets for sexual crimes, let's talk about teenagers and young girls shall we? We have all seen how keen a lot of them are to show as much flesh as possible, with not a care in the world. For the untrained eye this might look like a direct sexual invitation, however, now that we have talked a bit about the emotions behind women choices, it is easy to see the innocence of their behaviour, even if they are sexually active; it is not hard to imagine them choosing revealing outfits as a way of wanting to be free -from controlling parents-, make a statement -something that might not be allowed within their restricted daily environment-, get extra attention and affection -that they're not used to receive due to being emotionally neglected by parents perhaps, or because they think sex would be a good source to get crumbs of affection-, feel daring -because they are just too shy-, feel playful -in the case of a serious, insecure straight A student-, feel rebellious -fed up with imposed rules-, escape -from depression-, experiment -to know themselves better-, etc. We also need to remember, that no matter how much maturity and confidence young girls show, they're still naive and they’re only trying to figure the world and themselves out; so it is absurd to assume that if they look like grown up women, they have the judgement to understand what is really going on around, let alone how men will be feeling about their clothes.
Obviously men perceive situations in a very different manner, and since they are mainly visual and highly sexual, it makes sense to think that a woman, wearing a specific piece of clothing might get them aroused. The problem is that "I'm only assuming here" and this possibility crossed my mind due to that other assumption my ex made once (if it wasn’t for that, I would have kept thinking that only lingerie have that effect in the opposite sex).
So what about the other 99 percent of the female population in the world, are they even aware of this? Assume not, and the reason why is because while this might be common knowledge among men, we are not men! We don’t get aroused in the same way men do, and that is why we will never know the exact magnitude of what triggers their sexual reactions, period.
I tell you what we do notice though, and how that "supposed" male arousal to normal women clothes translates in our eyes... suddenly all we see is that gorgeous guy smiling in our direction, opening a door for us, staring at our eyes, giving us a compliment, buying us flowers, being charming and affectionate, etc. We notice those actions and take them as a promise for the love, affection and attention we crave in our romantic dreams. Funnily enough, we even think that this came to be because we are wearing this “oh so amazing dress”, that makes as look beautiful and feel special (imagine our shock if we knew that you did all of that just because we gave you an erection).
Can you now see the irony, and how ridiculous the “what was she wearing” reaction to rape sounds to us? It is like alcoholics blaming bars for their illness.
So maybe the solution here, is not a matter of women being more careful with what they wear, but men understanding that they’re the only ones, who will ever know what a piece of female clothing can inspire them sexually, and taking responsibility, trying to do whatever it takes to come up with a personal solution, that will allow everyone around them to feel safe regardless of their outfit choice.
And to those still in doubt, I dare you to conduct a social experiment the next time you see a woman, wearing something revealing: try to avoid quick assumptions and instead look beyond, have a conversation with her, go deeper and find out what really inspired her to choose that outfit; trust me, more likely than not you will end up amazed.
