The world is tough at the moment for some Pandas. Seasonal depression might be kicking in for those in the Northern Hemisphere, traditional media keeps bombarding us with negative news, and the stress of buying all the holiday presents isn't helping in any way.
It's important to maintain a positive outlook and keep our mental well-being in mind. But how do we do that without stepping into delulu territory? Positivity is good, but, as folks say, too much of a good thing can bite us in our rears sometimes.
While we probably all want to feel good all the time, that's not how being a person works. Being positive and keeping a good attitude is always better than wallowing in self-pity and depression, but we shouldn't forget that it's also okay to feel sadness, anger, disappointment, and even anxiety from time to time.
Graham Reynolds, PhD, describes toxic positivity for the ADAA as encouraging statements that should minimize painful emotions. Toxic positivity is about being unrealistically optimistic without taking into account the circumstances of a situation.
Some signs of toxic positivity can be feeling guilty about being sad or angry, hiding or disguising these sorts of difficult emotions, or relying on positive quotes about hard situations. People who engage in toxic positivity might start ignoring their real-life problems like financial difficulties. They also might be inappropriately positive when it comes to comforting others and dismissing their feelings.
Kendra Cherry, MSEd, writes that positive thinking can be good for us but that toxic positivity "rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often falsely positive façade." For example, feeling sad and disappointed about not getting a job is normal. You can give yourself time to grieve this opportunity you think you had in the bag; life isn't always "good vibes only."
Psychologist Konstantin Lukin, PhD, claims that suppressing negative emotions only makes them bigger and worse. "Avoiding negative emotions reinforces this idea: Because you avoid feeling them, you tell yourself that you don’t need to pay attention to them. While you are trapped in this cycle, these emotions become bigger and more significant as they remain unprocessed."
Lukin also invites us not to divide emotions into 'good' and 'bad.' Yes, some of them make us feel good and others make us feel bad, but all emotions perform a function. They help us make sense of things. If you're sad about leaving a workplace, it probably means that you're going to miss it; you might've made some friends there and have some nice memories.
