Parenting is an unexpected journey. Sometimes you just can't know the situation or conversation you're gonna get into with your little kid. And they can be really amusing, too. In an attempt to document all of the weird stuff she herself says to her son, one mother started a blog called WTF Parenting Quotes.
It all started with one phrase. "One day, while driving, I was tuning in and out of his chatter in the backseat, when I heard, ‘It’s simple, Mama. All you need is a dead body, a pocketknife, and an ostrich.’ It’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard," the mom behind the project wrote. "I eventually found out he was trying to explain how to do a human-ostrich brain transplant, and heard myself explaining why it wouldn’t work. Definitely the most wtf thing I’ve ever heard myself say." Since then, she's trying to be as aware of their exchanges as possible.
As time went by, other parents fell in love with WTF Parenting Quotes and wanted to be a part of it as well. They started submitting snippets of their own conversations with their children and the project into something bigger.
More info: tumblr
#1
‘Having Superman printed pajamas will not enable you to fly, my son. Please sleep on the bottom bunk.’
'Stop licking the eggs and put them back in the fridge.’
After scolding then-3-year old for heading outside in his pajamas to play ('You don’t go outside in your pajamas, young man!’), I found him stark naked on his tricyle, serenely pedalling up and down the driveway. 'Me got no jamas on mummy!’ he proudly told me.
- Ed. Note: I love this. Kid definitely is a future lawyer.
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143points
#3
I asked my 10 year old son what he wanted on pizza one night. He replied, “well, Mom, I’m not a virgin.“ I stopped cold and said, “what?” He said, “ I want meat, I’m not a virgin.” “Oh, you’re not a vegetarian.“ as I exhaled.
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136points
#5
"Grandpa is not a race car.
Grandpa’s wheelchair is not a toy.
You may not “drive Grandpa.”"
Grandpa’s wheelchair is not a toy.
You may not “drive Grandpa.”"
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134points
#7
"I don’t think you’re old enough to be having a mid-life crisis."
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119points
#10
"I don’t think the cat sneaks out at night and rides your skateboard."
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116points
#11
"That’s good that you love the neighbor’s cat, but no, you can’t marry him."
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114points
#12
"How can you not know why your tongue is blue? Your tongue was with you all day today, wasn’t it?"
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112points
#13
"I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were in ‘stealth mode.’"
Ruined my ninja’s self esteem today.
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111points
#14
Submission: “I am sorry the baby keeps biting you but perhaps if you stop putting your fingers in her mouth she will stop biting you.”
….Charlie? Is that you??
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107points
#15
"But how did your underwear get stuck in the bathroom window in the first place?"
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105points
#17
"You can growl at me all you want, but you still have to tie your shoes."
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97points
#18
"I am about 99.9% sure you are not getting a chainsaw for Christmas."
Don’t lose all hope. That leaves a .1 chance you are.
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96points
#19
"No, I don’t think throwing alligators at people is a good idea."
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95points
#20
"I am not going to get in a car crash just to cure your hiccups. That is crazy talk."
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93points