Lessons People Learned From Their Parents On What Not To Do With Your Own Kids: 35 Stories Shared By Our Community

It is really very important to believe and validate your children when something or someone hurt them. Don't tell them nothing really happened and all is in their imagination. And please just don't pretend to make them feel better by telling them other people have it worse.
Also pretending everything is good and therefore not allowing them to show how much something affected them is not healthy, keeping quiet for any other's sake is in fact very harmful for them.

Don't give your kids body image issues. Give them the tools to support a healthy body and mind.

Pain is not a contest between me and my kids. They tell me they hurt, they hurt. We will not be discussing my surgeries, this is about them and their bodies which they are experts in.

I learned that it's a really bad idea to expect your child to be your primary emotional support. My father cheated on my mother, so she didn't trust him to care for any of her needs, so she leaned on me. I essentially parented her emotionally from a relatively young age.

Now I make sure that my child knows they're not responsible for my emotions or problems, that I have peers and professionals to lean on, but if they want to give me a hug, I will be so grateful.

Stop your kids from attacking their siblings and your partner. My brother is a hazard to all of us by now, and I definitely don't want to witness it again if I ever have kids.

Two things: NEVER hit your kid, not even spank because hitting doesn't solve anything; and don't scold or punish your kids if they're having a bad day or a bad mood. Ask them what's wrong and listen to them instead.

Don't guilt-trip or get angry with them for having mental health issues.

Don't attempt to recapture your own childhood through your kids. My mom made me do all the things: dance, gymnastics, sports of all kinds. I was a geeky thing that preferred school, school work and books and never had time for that because of the activities I was forced to participate in. I was miserable and my mom berated me for never being enthusiastic about her choices.

Now, as a mom, I let my kid decide what she wants to do with her extra time. She's a kindergartener, so her choices are a bit chaotic ("I want to try scuba diving!!" "Mom, can we tie-dye this week?"), but letting her decide the extracurriculars lets her flex her creative muscles. It's not about me, I have a decent grasp on what I like and don't, it's about her finding herself.

To not force religion on children. To not force children to finish their plates, and then shame them for eating either "too much or too little". It really sucked. It's important to let children be curious and growing people!

Please for God’s sake don’t tell your kids you never should have had them, that they ruined your life. Sixty-two and a life time of self-esteem issues.

Like many parents, mine believed it was better to insist we eat everything on our plates, even things we absolutely hated. When my 3 kids were young, I encouraged them to try new things and provided a variety of foods (especially healthy options). I never insisted they finish what they took or forced them to try things. They are now healthy teens who eat a wide variety of foods. They love trying new things from different cuisines and are WAY more adventurous than me with their choices! They have a much healthier attitude towards food than I do!

Don't silence their voices for the sake of "keeping the peace" My siblings and I were emotionally abused for years by one parent, the other would never let us speak up, we had to stay quiet otherwise things would just get worse.... Keep quiet, give them what they want, don't make life difficult for everyone...We grew up unable to speak up for ourselves, no matter what treatment we were put through... it took 40 years before we finally found the strength to stop being silent. Keeping the peace never made things better, it just made the abuser think they could keep getting away with it.

(also.... don't emotionally abuse your kids!)

Mental issues are not your children's fault and it is YOUR OWN responsibility as adult to seek help and properly comply with treatment and therapy. Also, suicide is never an act of courage and should never ever be romanticized.

To not tell my kids about my aspirations of their future. My mother told me she always expected me to be perfect. I was 10. I'm still messed up from it, but I can't tell her about it, because she probably forgot about it. Now I have intense anxiety about not being good enough for her despite reassurance

1) be there & don't force your eldest to raise the younger by being absent

2) be patient - just b/c you have been good with whatever in school, doesn't mean your kid is as good/fast as you

3) don't force them to practice stuff for hours - a little bit at a time, not a year's worth of stuff for 4h straight

4) try to find a place to live before having kids and stay there, don't force them to leave their friends behind ~5x in 9 years

5) don't punish your kid for accidents or not being good at sports

6) trust your kids - teachers can lie too, just like the neighbours, your friends, other kids and even family - if you have been there for your kid, you'll know when they lie... and if they're lying - ask yourself and your kid 'why'

1) If you don't want kids, use protection.
2) If you do have kids, don't guilt trip them for having problems, don't tell them they're ungrateful when they need you to adjust your parenting style. And don't only focus on the flaws in their grades.

Never shame your child or allow siblings to shame her for something out of her control.

I don't tell my kids to not cry (like my dad did when I fell and broke my arm).

I don't give my kids the silent treatment (which my mum did on two occasions, which lasted more than a week each).

I don't talk badly about my spouse (like my mum, who has slagged off my dad ever since their divorce 30 years ago).

I learned not to punish my kids for speaking up about something they disagree with me on. Kids are people with thoughts and opinions on everything. It doesn’t mean I will agree or change my mind… but sometimes I will. It’s ok to be wrong and it’s not disrespectful for kids to disagree with parents. It just teaches them to be people pleasers and they never learn how to handle disagreements with people. I’m a perfect example…

The screaming. We hear you just fine, we're trying to process you.

The moment you hear yourself say "oh you think this is screaming? I'll show you screaming." You are the reason the kids stop talking to you when they move out.