British satirical comedy show The Mash Report once did a hilarious skit about why you should never ask a man what he’s thinking. You’ll find the clip a little further down. Basically, in the fake news report a couple’s romantic weekend away was ruined after a guy’s wife wanted to know his innermost thoughts. Needless to say, his reply wasn’t what she wanted to hear. It had nothing to do with her, their holiday, their relationship, or anything of real substance. Instead, he was deep in thought about some random rubbish. And she was not impressed.
While intended to be satirical and funny, the fake news clip held some good, genuine advice: Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. And, the chances are he's thinking about nothing. Or nothing important. People have been sharing their own hilarious replies to the question "what are you thinking?" From the bizarre, to the confusing, to the downright annoying, Bored Panda has gathered the best answers. Keep scrolling for a glimpse into the mindless thoughts of men. And don't forget to upvote your favorites.
Credits: Ovid
While the clip was part of a comedy show, the stories we collected are real and are as amusing and entertaining as the skit
#1
My wife saw me looking out over the deck at a beautiful sunset and asked what I was thinking and I asked if I was cloned or duplicated would my clones recognize I was in charge or would they try to take over which would backfire my plan of not working to begin with. She walked back in the house.
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99points
#2
My girl: what are you thinking?
Me: how many kilojoule of fart would it take to lift me an inch from the floor?
Me: how many kilojoule of fart would it take to lift me an inch from the floor?
88points
#3
My wife saw me staring off in the distance, squinting my eyes and asked what I was thinking.. I'm trying to line up the edge of the TV with a beam and ceiling behind it. Never asked me again.
74points
Thoughts aren’t tangible things like coins or pens or strands of hair. So it’s not that easy to accurately count how many of them we have on any given day. But at least one research paper suggests the human mind receives an estimated 6-8 million thoughts per day, or around 2,500-3,300 thoughts per hour.
While some of these are important and useful, the vast majority are not. In fact, this Journal of Lifestyle Medicine review notes that "a detailed assessment of these thoughts proposes 90% of the thoughts to be irrelevant". Like some of the random thoughts listed on this page...
#4
Whenever my wife asks what I'm thinking about, I always tell her I'm thinking about dragons. Truthfully, neither of us were thinking about dragons, but now we are both thinking about dragons. It's a win/win
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67points
#5
My ex-girlfriend would always ask me “a penny for your thoughts”. It got so annoying because many times I really was thinking about nothing. She wanted to hear something romantic and there really was nothing at the moment to share. That doesn’t mean I was never thinking about her romantically. It was just not so at that moment. This is how men think. Women need to understand that.
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63points
#6
married 22 years, I know better… when I ask, it’s because I know the answer will be ridiculous.
After a romantic dinner that he made to welcome me home…
Me: Babe, what ya thinking?
Hub: Not much…
Me: C’mon..
Hub: Jack the Ripper…
It’s that or the bunnies… I’d never expect some big romantic whatever…
“I’m wondering if a robot might be handy”
He’s the most perfect amount of weird!
After a romantic dinner that he made to welcome me home…
Me: Babe, what ya thinking?
Hub: Not much…
Me: C’mon..
Hub: Jack the Ripper…
It’s that or the bunnies… I’d never expect some big romantic whatever…
“I’m wondering if a robot might be handy”
He’s the most perfect amount of weird!
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62points
#7
My ex girlfriend once asked me while we were lying in bed, what’s your fantasy, something you’ve never told anyone? I said I sometimes fantasize about being the best footballer in the world who moonlights in a rock band……
She burst out laughing
She burst out laughing
59points
#8
One time my ex-husband and I were laying in bed, cuddled up, secretly eating ice cream we'd hidden from the kids, and I asked what he was thinking about. I'll never forget his answer.
He said "RoboCop."
He said "RoboCop."
56points
#9
Me: *thinks boyfriend is mad bc he’s being very quiet*
Me: “whatcha thinking about?”
Him: “about how bike tires are made”
????
Ladies we gotta stop worrying what boys are thinking bc 9 times out of 10 it’s some dumb s**t like this
Me: “whatcha thinking about?”
Him: “about how bike tires are made”
????
Ladies we gotta stop worrying what boys are thinking bc 9 times out of 10 it’s some dumb s**t like this
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55points
#10
Mine and my husband's conversation a few months ago:
Me: what are you thinking about? Cuz you look super focused.
Him: all the stuff I need to do on farming simulator
Me: why don't you play it then?
Him: I just wanna think about it right now, I'm not in the mood to actually play it.
I laughed so hard but I get it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Me: what are you thinking about? Cuz you look super focused.
Him: all the stuff I need to do on farming simulator
Me: why don't you play it then?
Him: I just wanna think about it right now, I'm not in the mood to actually play it.
I laughed so hard but I get it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
45points
#11
Yeah, I once said I wonder why Elmer Fudd is such a bad shot. And how does the coyote keep buying all that acme stuff instead of just spending the money on a meal. I guess that’s why the relationship didn’t last long.
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44points
#12
Me & my girl were in bed just chillin. She was reading, I was watching tv & she looked at me & said “what’re you thinking about babe?”
I said “I wonder how many flavors of Gatorade there actually are.”
She just said nvm & kept reading.
I said “I wonder how many flavors of Gatorade there actually are.”
She just said nvm & kept reading.
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44points
#13
A few days ago my boyfriend was staring off so I was like “are you ok?” “Babe?” “Are you mad??”
This man snaps out of it and goes “huh..wut? Sorry I was looking at that squirrel..look at him living his life..I wonder if he has any responsibilities“
Bruh what??
This man snaps out of it and goes “huh..wut? Sorry I was looking at that squirrel..look at him living his life..I wonder if he has any responsibilities“
Bruh what??
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43points
#14
During a (seemingly) sweet and tender moment last night, I asked my boyfriend what he was thinking about and he said “how devastating Wookiees would be in a medieval setting.”
43points
#15
When asked what I was thinking, I said I wonder how much water is in the Pacific Ocean.
41points
#16
Went on a walk with my gf and she asked what I was thinking about so intently so I had to tell her “right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot”
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36points
#17
About 20 years ago we talked about getting married. He said he was going to propose at some point so I was waiting.
After a couple times of wondering when and how it would happen, we were traveling together.
We ended up at the Arch in St. Louis. We were wandering through the park around sunset and he started glancing around a little nervous. Then he looked at me intently and I thought "oh wow this is it."
Then he said, "I'll be right back, I gotta [pee] and I can't find an outhouse."
After a couple times of wondering when and how it would happen, we were traveling together.
We ended up at the Arch in St. Louis. We were wandering through the park around sunset and he started glancing around a little nervous. Then he looked at me intently and I thought "oh wow this is it."
Then he said, "I'll be right back, I gotta [pee] and I can't find an outhouse."
35points
#18
I just asked my husband of 3 children last night, "What was the greatest day of your life?" He was really thinking hard and I said "You don't have to choose between the kids births" and he said "Yeah that too, but I can't lie when the Eagles won the Superbowl 7 years back that was such a great day." REALLY!
35points
#19
My wife asked me yesterday what I was thinking and I answered "Ace Ventura". No joke
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32points
#20
We went to see Gladiator 2 recently. After the movie I was sitting thinking and my wife asked what could possibly be on my mind as I looked very serious. I replied, “how the hell did they get great white sharks into the coliseum??”
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31points