40 Times Medical Professionals Said Something That Left People Speechless

I live in Ireland, the surgeon who replaced my hip is also a farmer. The day before I was due to be discharged he came in on his rounds, he said “I may or may not see you tomorrow, it depends on the dog”, so I said “ok what’s up with the dog?” He told me the dog broke his leg and was having it set tomorrow but he wasn’t sure what time so I said “shur bring in the oul dog and I’ll mind him” (this is rural Ireland bear in mind and I was in the convalescent area of the hospital by then) and shortly after breakfast he arrived in, with the dog, lovely border collie with his leg in plaster, he stayed with me watching tv till the doc was finished replacing another hip and was ready to discharge me and we could all go home. It could only happen in Ireland.

I told an OBGYN during an exam my husband and I had just started trying to get pregnant and she said “Are you tracking your cycle or just f*****g all time?” -Hearing that come out of a small elderly black woman was freaking hilarious!!! She was close to retirement and had zero filter, miss her! 

I am constantly anemic and when my doc was putting my IUD in I bled a little and he said, "no! Not your precious iron!"

After destroying my knee riding bmx at 17, the emergency surgeon said “wow, really f****d that up.”

10 years later and another serious knee injury from riding, I saw the same surgeon (he did a great job on the first one). First words out of his mouth were “I remember you. F****d up the other one, huh?”

Not me, but Mom. She's in remission for a non-Hodgkins lymphoma that invaded her brain. She was getting a scan to confirm the cancer had left her brainpan and the doctor came in and said "Good news! We've scanned your brain and confirm that there's nothing in there!"

My surgeon, during surgery to replace pins in my broken finger that had been pushed out by my own body - "I'm really getting them in there this time, you little freak of nature."

I go to urgent care because I have an ear ache and may have an ear infection. The nurse asks if I'm on any medication and I tell her about my IUD. She says:

"I could never have an IUD or even take birth control. You know, since that's murder and all. But hey, do whatever makes you happy."

ETA I did report her and she did get in trouble.

This is no joke. I had a medical professional say, " I used to be an addict so i'm pretty good at this." As she was putting in my IV lmfao, I laughed so hard.

When my girlfriend was in the ICU one of the nurses sorta shrugged and said dismissively "she's gonna die anyhow."

She should have. Her kidneys had shut completely down and she was so swollen that her tongue wouldn't fit in her mouth. We were making the decision whether to continue life support or not. She didn't die. A month and a half later she walked out of the hospital and into my car for the ride home.

I had a doctor tell me that my metabolism is so slow that I would do very well in an apocalypse

"Were you a teacher? Your bladder is huge." -obgyn during a pelvic ultrasound.

I was indeed a teacher.

My previous OBGYN came through my line at my old job. For some reason I blanked on who he was. Like I knew I knew him, but for the life of me I couldn't remember how. He saw I was struggling and said "Don't remember me? I'll give you a hint: last time I saw you you were in my office with your ankles in the air!"

Loudly, in front of a line of little old ladies fresh from church, wanting to buy flowers from the garden center.

He was an amazing doc and figured out what was wrong with me when no other doc could, but in that moment the embarrassment could have killed me lol

My gynecologist while trying to remove my IUD when the strings weren't visible and fishing through my cervix (with local anesthesia thank god...)

Come here, kitty kitty!

In all honestly, I think he spaced out and was very concentrated to avoid unnecessary pain (uterus wasn't happy with the invasion) and he most definitely has cats and the words just came out... He bursted out laughing with embarrassment and said sorry more than I could care to count. Honestly, I thought it was hilarious.

I've been seeing him for a long time for many IUDs and he's a gem.

"This is the part where all your dignity goes out the window. I'm going to tape your penis to your abdomen."

My obgyn was about to start sewing me up after a c section when she noticed a cyst on my ovary. She told me it had caused enough torsion to twist it down and start growing to my uterus, the said to my husband "look at how twisted this is. Don't worry, this will only take a second, and I won't charge for it." while proudly displaying my entire reproductive system with both hands. He's a trooper. Didn't look grossed out or anything, just a very deadpan, "Thanks for not charging us for that."

Back pain, I’m not young. Doctor just said basically “Well, that’s just life for you. You’re tall.”

“So I’m just going to end up being a hunched over 90 year old?”

“Lol, you’re not going to see 90.”

“Um…pardon?”

“How many tall old people have you ever seen?”

“Oh…yeah…ok.”

I was 18 at the time and went to the family doctor that brought me into the world. The reason was I was having great pain urinating and was leaking a pus like substance. After getting a shot I went to his office, I sat down and he lit a Winston, rocked back in his chair whilst taking a big drag and said, "I am going to talk to you like a Dutch uncle, if you do not know if it is clean, keep your goddamned zipper zipped up."

following a checkup..."we're going to have to remove your testicles....just kidding, you should've seen your face"

I asked my cardiologist I had growing up what the goop was they put on before echoes... he said, "Yak snot." I believed him for way too long

My ENT casually said I should get my anxiety checked out. He was very certain I had it and I’d never been diagnosed for it. Turns out he was right and he really saved my mental health.