“He Doesn’t Talk To His Cat”: 50 Women Share The Exact Second Their Attraction Died

Take each 'ick' with a grain of salt. That's the advice from Eliana Saunders, the co-author of a study that explored why some people are more prone to getting the 'ick' than others. And in case you've never heard of the 'ick,' the researchers describe it as the sudden feeling of repulsion that leads people to want to end a romantic relationship—sometimes without a clear or logical reason.

“While this feeling of disgust could be a valid marker of mate incompatibility, it could also be a symptom of [your personality traits],” explains Saunders. “Before dumping a partner because their feet dangle when they sit in a chair, we should think critically about why we’re feeling ‘icked’ out. Ask yourself: Is this something I truly can’t deal with, or am I being overly critical? Is this ‘ick’ their fault, or is it mine?”

“The ‘ick’ has become an increasingly prevalent topic over the last few decades. We found references to this phenomenon on social media and TV shows dating back to the mid 90s,” said Saunders, a graduate student at Azusa Pacific University.

She added that her team often heard "the ick" used in common conversation, and decided to dig a bit deeper.

"While we can’t say how long the phenomenon has been around, conversations about the ‘ick’ have definitely become more popular–especially in younger generations," explained Saunders.

"Personally, I became interested in learning more about the ick when I heard that a friend of mine kept a running list on her phone notes app of every ick she’d ever experienced from a guy (it was several pages long),” added the researcher.

As part of the study, the researchers conducted a pilot analysis of the first 100 TikTok videos tagged with #theick. They then categorized the ick triggers shared in 86 videos—most of which came from women. The triggers included things like wearing awkward clothing, saying annoying phrases, or exhibiting socially embarrassing conduct.

They then recruited 125 single adults - 74 men and 51 women, ranging in age from 24 to 72. The participants were first asked if they had heard the term “the ick” and whether they had personally experienced it.

"They then rated the likelihood of experiencing the ick in response to specific behaviors, completed personality assessments, and answered questions about their dating experiences," explains psypost.org.

Saunders and her fellow researchers found that those who are more prone to disgust, hold others to high standards, or those who score higher in narcissism are more likely to experience the 'ick.'

The team found that 64% of participants had experienced the 'ick' at some point. "Women were significantly more likely than men to be familiar with the term and to report having felt it," notes the site, adding that while the number of times people reported experiencing the ick varied widely, most said it happened rarely or occasionally.

Participants said the ick had led them to stop dating a partner — 26% immediately and 42% later on. Around a third of participants said they continued the relationship despite feeling put off. And almost all said they talked to someone else about their experience, often confiding in friends or family. Not many shared their feelings with the person who caused the ick in the first place.

According to dating expert Hayley Quinn, ‘The ick’ was first coined by Ally in TV show Ally McBeal. “It’s a dating term that means you get a sudden cringe feeling when you have romantic contact with someone: and become almost immediately put off by them,” Quinn told Cosmo.

“The ick is different to just doubting whether you want to be with somebody,” adds relationship counsellor and psychotherapist Gurpreet Singh. “The ick is much more repulsive. It’s a very strong gut reaction, either to the mannerisms of the person or the way they behave.”

“It could be that you’ve picked something up in their value system that’s completely different from yours, the way they laugh or tell a joke might completely irritate you, or it could even just be their look or smell," Singh says. "There are a whole variety of reasons why the ick develops, but it’s a deep feeling that this person isn’t somebody you want to be with.”

Singh says that feeling the ick doesn’t mean that the person you’re dating has done anything wrong. “They’re just the way they are and it might just irritate you,” notes the expert.

The study researchers meanwhile say that while some ick responses may help people identify subtle signs of incompatibility — such as misogynistic behavior — others, like disliking how someone chases a ping pong ball, may reflect socially shaped aversions with little relevance to long-term compatibility.

"In this sense, the ick may sometimes help avoid mismatches but may also promote a rejection mindset that undermines dating success," reads the psypost site.

“The ick largely happens early on in a relationship when you’re getting to know the person you’re dating, usually within the first few months or the honeymoon period. You might start to realise repeated behaviours that give you the ick,” Singh said adding that if you start having doubts later down the line in a relationship, that’s probably not an ick. But would be more indicative of just drifting apart.

The experts says that people often undervalue the amount of unconscious communication that happens in a relationship. “Our responses to somebody’s smell, behaviour, or value systems can largely be unconscious, and the ick usually comes from that unconscious gut reaction,” Singh explains.

The psycotherapist adds that if you feel the ick, you should give it some time to think about whether you could put up with their behaviour long-term. "However, if you can’t even tolerate them touching your hand then it’s not something you can continue to put up with," cautions Singh. "Ultimately, you shouldn’t ignore it. The ick is a gut reaction, and usually the best thing is to trust your gut.”