#1
Weddings can be super expensive. But I'm sure you knew that already. They also take time, effort and a whole lot of stress to plan, so when someone decides “let’s call the whole thing off,” there's often a good reason.
Researchers from the University of Missouri were so intrigued by couples that don't make it to the alter that they decided to do a study into the some of the main reasons. In 2020, the team interviewed 30 people who'd previously called off a wedding or engagement. The participants were between the ages of 18 and 48, and all had been in long-term, serious relationships, which lasted about 4 and a half years on average.
The paper, titled Beyond cold feet: Experiences of ending engagements and canceling weddings, revealed that one of the main reasons a bride or groom ducked out at the last minute was because the wedding got them thinking (more deeply and seriously) about the relationship’s future and if it could weather the storms to come.
#2
When I met him (30 years ago) he drove an old car with close to 300,000 miles on it and lived in a small, poorly furnished house. My two bedroom condo was worth close to twice the value of his house. He did own a small business (restaurant) but they only served dinner so not a huge money maker.
After 2 years dating we accidentally got pregnant. He wanted a pre-nup and I had no problem with that, thinking he wanted to protect his business that he obviously put everything into.
The prenup he gave me showed all his assets. He was worth over a million. He owned the building his restaurant was in. Owned several properties and a small shopping center. And the pre-nup was insane - I had to give up rights of survivorship to any home we bought together. He would keep 100% of his income and gains. Even though I was pregnant and he wanted me to be a stay at home mom, I would have no protection. Basically I could be married 50 years and raise his kids and if he left me even the shirt on my back would belong to him if it had been purchased after the marriage.
I didn't even try for a reasonable re-write. I couldn't marry someone that could suggest that prenup. We cancelled the wedding less than 48 hours before it was scheduled.
#3
“I thought at one point when he was yelling at me, like is this what I wanted for the rest of my life?” said one woman during the research interviews. While a male participant revealed that he remembered thinking, "If she’s not listening to me while we’re planning this wedding, this is one day of our lives, does that mean she’s not gonna take anything into consideration after we’re married?”
The researchers found that for women, the process planning the wedding was often the catalyst that got them visualizing the future. For one bride, a simple task told her all she needed to know... “I had found a wedding dress that I liked and I was trying it on, and I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought ‘I hope that [my ex-fiance ́] and I are still friends after we get divorced.’”
#4
It happened 3x in a row, then covid took the world by storm, then my grandfather announced a heart revision surgery after his risky inital surgery years earlier, and while he survived and is perfectly fine now, *HE* announced *his* wedding, *and* my husband's surviving family left the state to move to a LOC of living area, so we simply gave up. I never wanted a blow out event or even a hired planner, just an intimate vow ceremony, signing the paperwork, and a small private party, so it was fine by me.
We ran off to the courthouse on our anniversary for vows and paperwork, and only invited our loved ones to meet us for brunch afterwards for an intimate yet casual "reception."
We brought cheesecake and cannolis home for dessert as the "wedding cake" lmao.
#5
#6
My mom called all of the people on my side who were invited, left the rest up to him/his family. Apparently a good few of them showed up at the church on the date.
He ended up hooking up with the wife of a frat brother, they ended up getting pregnant and married and quickly popped out 3 kids, then she cheated on HIM (and apparently she's married twice more since then.) He's been in one long-term relationship after another in the past 20+ years.
I just celebrated my 30th anniversary. Dodged a bullet, I did.
It was a bit different for the guys, say the researchers. Men who'd called off their weddings or engagements tended to do so after incompatibilities reared their ugly heads in the run-up to the big day. It might have been a small comment that got them thinking, or a glaring issue like disagreeing on whether or not to have kids.
Many of the study's participants, both male and female, admitted that the relationship problems had been there for a while. It just took something as big as a wedding for the couple to take their issues seriously.
#7
#8
The stag night was on the Thursday night before the Saturday wedding. We went for a curry then onto a nightclub, by about midnight I left and went home, leaving the groom and others to it.
This was pre mobile phone days, so on Saturday me and my girlfriend got ready, she'd bought a new dress and looked great, we'd booked a room in the hotel the reception was being held in.
Got to the church and at the door, the best man, the groom's brother was explaining that the wedding was off, the groom had met a girl at the club and spent the night with her, now decided she was the one for him and the wedding was off. And was calling his brother every name under the sun at the same time.
As the reception was all booked and paid for, he said we could go to the hotel and have the meal, stay for the disco and buffet if we wanted. Most of the work colleagues and various family were booked in there so we went and it ended up with about 50 people having an enjoyable but uniquely awkward evening.
#9
Calling off a wedding after things have been paid for and guests have been invited is no easy feat. That's why experts suggest you do the necessary introspection long before putting a ring on it.
"Before the relationship gets so serious that you’re considering engagement, take some time to really think about what a future relationship with your partner looks like," advises Psychology Today. "Are you truly compatible, not only in your day-to-day living, but also in terms of your values? Sit down and picture what your future life will look like with your partner. Envision that relationship both in good times and in bad."
Now ask yourself: "Do you like what you see?"
#10
#11
After I confronted him, he chose denial & gaslighting, saying my memory was wrong. I went to my parents for help, they ran a background check and found no prior military service *and* criminal charges he’d never disclosed. They canceled everything while I packed up all his [things], crammed it into his car, and had it towed away while he was gone.
Found out while doing all that he had been cheating on me the entire time too. Go figure.
#12
I realized I didn’t want to marry him.
The site also suggests take the necessary time to seriously evaluate the relationship so that you can spot any red flags early on.
"Don’t get so wrapped up in falling in love that you’re forgiving major issues like constant conflict, emotional ab*se, or cheating," it notes. "See them for who they are now, well before you’re planning a wedding. Compatibility counts… is this the type of relationship you always wanted?"
At the end of the day, canceling a wedding on the last minute can be expensive, sad and even embarrassing. But many would argue that it's a whole lot better than living a life of regret and unhappiness.
#13
#14
My aunt was found out to be stealing from my grandma... a lot. Like over $50k. And my grandma had dementia, too.
My grandma had spoiled my aunt her whole life, bought her everything she wanted with no strings attached no matter how much she [messed] up... but that wasn't enough for my aunt, apparently. She got arrested (I think felony grand larceny?), disowned by the family, and her fiancé dumped her when he found out, and now is with a much better woman.
#15
Over the 3 years, his behaviour was getting progressively worse, mostly at school, but he started to bring the behaviour home. Around my fiance, he’d be as good as gold. The moment her back was turned, or she’d pop out to the shops, he would turn into an absolute terror.
He’d break things and blame me, he would harm my dog (I caught him trying to pull my dogs eyes out ffs), he’d steal my things etc.
My home life was miserable because of it, my only happiness came from when he was at his fathers every other weekend, and at 4pm on the Sunday when he’d return home, it was like a storm cloud coming over all of a sudden.
I was depressed, stressed, which caused me to gain an enormous amount of weight, I would lock myself away in the bedroom just to be away from him.
Then one day I realised I could leave, so I did. 2 months before the wedding. My family were pissed, her family were pissed, but nobody saw how miserable I was.
Fast forward 2 years, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, I’m the leanest I’ve ever been, I managed to secure a high paying job, I’m debt free with a healthy amount of savings, and for the first time in my life I feel like I’ve achieved something, and I’m proud of that.
God knows where I’d be if I had gone through with the wedding.
#16
I had just started bc pills so when we got there, I was feeling very nauseous and blah. So he went out with the boys the night before the elopement.
Around 3am the door loudly opens with him in the arms of his friends being almost carried. He is DRUNK and he is ANGRY. He punches one of his friends in the face and they immediately looked at me and said “This is who you’re gonna marry”. And they left.
Meanwhile, he gets more volatile, I’m crying.
I did the fawn response that night and then next day when he was too sick to remember or care about eloping and then noped the [hell] out.
No.
#17
After our guests left, I proceeded to destroy his kitchen. He threatened to call the police if I broke anything else. So, I threw a chair through a window.
I called a friend to come pick me up. He never did call the cops. I seriously thought he was going to.
Three months later, he married his girlfriend. The day he got married, I sold my engagement ring to my neighbor for $20.
Within five years time, his wife had a baby with another man, they got divorced, he moved back to his home state, and I got an email from his sister telling me that he had a heart attack while on a ski trip and didn't survive it.
#18
It was for the best. I'm now happily married to a normal, stable woman and have a family.
I do wish ill upon my ex and hope she has a [bad] life still, though.
#19
Instead of a honeymoon, I took myself on a 'oneymoon' (one-ee-moon). Best solo trip of my life.
#20
