Families getting too involved in a couple’s wedding planning are annoying, but usually the couple has the last say when there are disagreements and the guests just have to deal with it.
But this couple was so annoyed with their families trying to plan every detail and not giving them a say in it that they decided to cancel it all and to marry in secret. But the families didn’t take it well and accused the couple of depriving them of the joy that is supposed to be shared, insisting that they’re not actually married until they have another wedding.
Wedding planning is stressful, but most people suffer through it, although there are those who break under pressure
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
This one couple was very fed up with both of their families who constantly argued about every aspect of the wedding
Image credits: u/AITA-acc3999
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)
The worst of all was that they didn't even consider the opinions of the groom and bride
Image credits: u/AITA-acc3999
Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)
So the couple decided to cancel everything and get married without the family knowing
Image credits: u/AITA-acc3999
The announcement of the news was as dramatic as expected with the family having strong reactions
When the Original Poster (OP) and his current wife announced that they were getting married, both of their families were really excited about it. Maybe even too excited as they both took on the roles of wedding planners.
But they weren’t really good planners because they completely ignored what the bride and groom wanted and dictated their own desires. What was worse was that both of the families wanted different things and a celebration that was supposed to bring two families together ended up the object of their arguments.
The couple got sick and tired of the never-ending arguments and decided it was not worth it. They arranged a secret marriage and just did it without their families knowing. Now they only had to announce it to them.
It caused no less drama than the wedding planning. The OP’s mother-in-law started yelling at him because he and his wife were selfish to take away this joy from the families. Also, she was worried about how she would tell the news to all the other guests that she invited.
The couple tried to explain that the wedding planning caused too much stress and they saw that they couldn’t come to an agreement. They also refused to organize a wedding celebration, but were told that they wouldn’t be actually married until another official wedding.
Despite the couple upsetting their families, going behind their backs and getting married without them knowing, people in the comments agreed that this was the best decision if the couple wanted to maintain their sanity. They understood the families’ wish to be involved but were horrified that they didn’t care about the couple’s opinion at all.
Image credits: TranStudio Photography & Video (not the actual photo)
We always hear how stressful wedding planning is and we imagine it is because of all the decisions that need to be made, but actually, people often know what they like and the decisions wouldn’t be so difficult to make if they didn’t have in mind their families and friends who are also supposed to enjoy the celebration.
But it is impossible to make everyone happy. Although that won’t prevent wedding guests from giving opinions and expressing what would make them personally happy. Some of it can be attributed to the excitement and genuine desire to help, but then they lose all consideration and make it more about themselves.
Allison Krawiec-Thayer, boundaries expert and founder of Poppy Lead, told Brides, “Everyone has an idea of what their wedding will be like—and then they often have ideas about what their child's, sibling's, best friend's wedding will be like, too. If you are a bit of a people-pleaser, [it might be easy for someone to] insert their direction in the planning process.”
The problem with people pleasers is that they don’t have boundaries and they are afraid to establish them because they might feel uncomfortable and feel like they are letting down people they love.
But if you want your wedding to look like you imagine in your head instead of your family's, they are essential. It’s easier if you can afford to hire a wedding planner because they are professionals who know how to navigate compromises and because they don’t have the same relationship with your family as you, they can be the representatives of your boundaries.
If you don't have help from a planner, then Krawiec-Thayer’s biggest advice is to set a boundary and give context to it, trying to avoid being judgemental and snarky.
But Jeremy Schumacher, a licensed marriage and family therapist, doesn't suggest shutting out the family completely and still involve them in the planning process. You can give them little tasks like doing the research and giving you options so in that way you have less work to do and have the power of the final decision.
Do you think the couple in the story could have tried harder to have a big celebration with their families? Do you think eloping was a good solution? Let us know your thoughts and reactions in the comments.
But people in the comments, having read the story, believed eloping was the only solution to the madness
