81 Wedding Moments In Which People Realized That The Marriage Wasn’t Going To Last Long

When the groom started his vows by talking about the divorce rate and how it was even higher for firefighters… spoiler alert - he was a firefighter. Second spoiler alert - bride was me.

It lasted 2.5 years but only because I was a masochist.

The bride was doing karaoke to "their" song, singing her heart out at the groom...who had his back to her, refused to turn around, and was busy getting blackout drunk with his friends. She kept singing louder, trying to get his attention I guess.

Bride slept with the best man because the groom had already passed out.

They lasted a year. Groom never found out.

Two examples, both times I was working the wedding.

1. Groom was 17 and Bride was 15. In my state, that's legal with parental consent on the 17 year old's part, and court consent on the 15 year old's part. I had no idea until I showed up at the venue.

2. Both adults this time. Bride wants a princess wedding. No problem, she's been dreaming of this her whole life probably. The groom and most of the groomsmen show up absolutely drunk. The groom had to be helped down the aisle, he was so drunk. At the reception, one of the already drunk groomsmen tried to keep giving me shots because he thought my camera was awesome.

I had a buddy call me to tell me he was engaged. He said "She's not the prettiest, but she will do." She was sitting right next to him during the call.

The bride was an hour late. They rented a concert venue that hosts national acts for the wedding and reception. They had a burlesque show at the reception. The bride made out with her MoH. They made it a month, maybe.

He's remarried and has 2 little kids and is much happier. Wife #2 is an absolute sweetheart.

Ok story time! During the wedding planning, the bride to be insisted on no children, including the 2 the groom already had. No amount of talking, attempt at compromise or reason got her to budge. Turned out, all the small children in her side of the family were allowed, just not his. She also insisted on an outdoor ceremony, in late October, in the mountains of upstate PA. It snowed a few days before so it was freezing, but also had warmed up enough that everything was a muddy mess.

All of the wedding guests had to rent cabins near the wedding “venue” because it was hours away from where everyone lived. The bride’s parents were looooong divorced but couldn’t stand being anywhere near each other and her stepmother thought the whole weekend was all about her. The wedding party gathered at the mother of the groom’s cabin the night before because it was the largest. The bride’s father and stepmother got very drunk, trashed the whole cabin and laughed about the mother and grandmother of the groom cleaning up, while the bride’s mother spewed a ton of hatred and passive aggressive death threats throughout the night.

At the reception, the bride’s father was wasted again, shocker, and proceeded to scream and yell at the 13 year old brother of the groom for skipping the shot in the dollar dance. The groom’s mother had to be held back from knocking his teeth down his throat for all of his drunken antics after having the nerve to threaten her younger son. The bride got mad and wanted to leave early because she was offended that she wasn’t getting enough respect from the groom’s family. Never mind the fact that he barely had any family there at all and they were all doing their best to avoid the raging terror that was her pathetically drunk father, bridal gown wearing stepmother, and bi-polar rampaging mother.

The marriage lasted 8 months. I was the mother of the groom. Every bit of this story is the God’s honest truth. I tried to warn my son about what he was getting himself into but he wouldn’t listen. I had to grin and bear it the best I could. I’m just lucky I didn’t leave there with a felony charge for knocking out that SOB for attacking my younger son. The whole family was a nightmare and thankfully my granddaughters didn’t have to put up with it for long.

When my son’s first MIL spoke at the reception. She asked her daughter to hold her hand out, then asked him to put his hand on top of hers. Then she said to him “that’s the last time you’ll have the upper hand in this relationship.”.

At the reception, the DJ asked the couple how they met so he could introduce their first dance.

The bride grabbed the mic and told this super romantic story about fate, timing, and “knowing instantly.”

The groom took the mic after her and said, “We met on Tinder. I was actually supposed to meet someone else that night but she canceled.”

The entire room went silent. The bride laughed, but it was the tightest smile I’ve ever seen.

They argued outside before the cake cutting.

Divorced in under two years.

"It's my fourth marriage and his fifth, it took us a while to find each other but it was worth the wait!"

I was the photographer. They lasted less than 6 months.

EDIT: Since people are seeing this, I'll add the last part. She called me six months after the wedding to ask me to take her daughter's senior pictures. Then, unprompted, she launched into the story of how she followed him and caught him sneaking out of the bedroom window of some other woman's house. These people were like 60 years old....shenanigans.

After cutting the cake from a balcony above, the bride started throwing pieces of the cake at the wedding party below. I ducked into another room to avoid being hit. The aftermath was a complete mess that the Groom’s parents cleaned up so they could get the security deposit back. The marriage only lasted a few months.

The groom got a surprise mariachi band and danced alone on stage with them basking in the spotlight with zero signs he thought his new wife should be on stage with him.
My husband bet me $5 at the wedding they would get a divorce. I lost the bet.

He said the wrong name in the vows.

I know this sounds like I'm just rehashing Ross & Emily's wedding from Friends, but this legit happened at the wedding of a friend of a friend (I was friend's +1). Apparently he said the name of the maid of honor, aka the bride's (much) younger sister. I never found out if there was any kind of affair happening (I asked around a bit, but not much because I didn't know many people there), but I did hear from my friend later that they were divorced less than three months later.

Looked around the reception and saw her former BF, who she cheated on with her new husband, along with two other guys she'd cheated with over the years. Guess what? She cheated on her husband within two years, or, at least that's when he caught her.

My parents attended a wedding of some friends around the same time as their own. The two couples had been in the same ballroom dance class to prep for their respective first dances.

The other couple--mainly the bride--got really drunk between the ceremony and the reception. By the time the reception started, she was pretty belligerent. In the middle of the first dance she got angry at her new husband for being a bad dancer and ditched him on the wedding floor. She walked over to my dad and asked him to dance instead. The groom sheepishly asked my mom if she'd dance with him...and to help count the beats.

Shockingly, the marriage didn't last.

The bride refused to come out of the bathroom because she noticed the clock hands were going upward and that was a bad sign. So we all had to wait half an hour, during which time she sent for several of her friends, me included, to keep her company. She finally decided she could do this now, when we returned to our seats, half the guests were drunk and milling around, including her mom and the groom.

They lasted less than 3 months.

During the vows the groom called the bride a jerk. No joke. My jaw was on the floor. They were divorced a few months later.

Groom called the courthouse to ask how to get a divorce or annulment three HOURS before he was even married.

When the ceremony almost didn't happen because there was a TV in the limo and the groom wanted to keep watching The Game.

When it was her turn to say I do, she giggled, turned to the guests and said, ‘is it too late to say no?’, and he closed his eyes, sighed the biggest sigh, and said her name in the most exasperated voice.

Separated after 1 year, divorce is being finalized this year.