This Woman Perfectly Explains Weaponized Incompetence, And It Might Open Your Eyes

It's fine, never mind. Don’t worry, I’ll just do it myself then. It’s easier for me to handle anyway. Do these phrases (often accompanied by a sigh) ever escape your mouth when speaking to your partner? Especially when they push off domestic tasks and consistently try to get off the hook? If the answer is yes, you might experience weaponized incompetence — or strategic incompetence as it’s sometimes called — in action, a phenomenon that has taken TikTok and other social media sites by storm.

The term refers to a behavior pattern when someone pretends to be bad at simple tasks — when they actually know how to do them — to get out of shared responsibilities. The hashtag for the phrase currently has over 65 million views on TikTok, but let’s face it, it’s something many women have been dealing with all their lives.

Joy Malonza, a co-host of the Sip & Politic podcast, have recently taken up the challenge to explain this behavior tactic, what it means, and what it looks like. So continue scrolling to learn all about it, read on to find the conversation it sparked on the platform, and be sure to share with us if you've ever experienced anything like this in the comments.

Interestingly, a survey from Yelp and OnePoll found that 80% of chore-doing people living with a partner have disagreements about housework, with one-fifth of those saying they disagree often. It found that the most common disputes revolved around when to do the housework (53%), how to do it (50%), and who should do it (48%). Alarmingly, 61% even admitted they’d cleaned the home again after their partner did.

But the popularity of the topic shows that weaponized incompetence sparks a broader conversation. It seems that a lot of partners play tricks to get themselves off the hook, consequently adding additional domestic labor for their loved ones to bear in the relationship. After seeing countless videos of people making fun of their partner’s inability to perform simple tasks, and the degree to which they have to handhold them, the message that comes across is clear — "I won’t do it, so you do it".

Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS, explained that weaponized incompetence is harmful to both partners. It can damage the relationship and create an imbalance between two people, especially if one clearly puts in more effort than the other. When one half feels like the other fails to offer help or show support and respect for their efforts, the relationship dynamics can quickly become filled with resentment, friction, and distance.

Moreover, Mendez noted this behavior pattern can also be seen as a manipulation tactic as the person steers others to do their work for them. But this is not always the case. "Maybe the partner doesn't realize that they are doing this, maybe they don’t feel competent, or it may just be a lack of self-confidence and not necessarily manipulation," Mendez added.

Once you familiarize yourself with the signs of strategic incompetence, the first step is to address their behaviors and talk everything through to clear up any misunderstandings. Try starting an honest conversation about tasks that worry you, and figure out how your partner can contribute their fair share. But remember, this endeavor may require a lot of patience from your side.

Another important step is to set clear boundaries and stick to them. "Communicate this to your partner and work with them to ensure that tasks are split up evenly," Mendez said.

Bored Panda would love to hear your thoughts about the topic. What do you think of weaponized incompetence? Do you agree with this approach? Feel free to share your opinions, as well as personal experiences, in the comments.