There’s no doubt that parents want to prepare their children to succeed in life. But one thing that they might not think about while teaching kids important life skills is helping them to manage their big feelings, like frustration. According to parenting expert Dr. Becky Kennedy from Good Inside, parents have to infuse frustration into their children’s day so they learn to deal with hard things the right way, without developing entitlement.
In a short Instagram post, Dr. Becky listed 3 ways parents should ‘annoy’ their kids to teach them to tolerate the feeling, which allows them to become resilient, grow, and succeed in life. Scroll down to find them, and as always, don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments below.
While you're at it, don't forget to check out a conversation with Jennifer Kelman, a parenting and mental health expert on JustAnswer, who kindly agreed to tell us more about kids and frustration tolerance.
There's no doubt that parents want their kids to succeed
Image credits: drbeckyatgoodinside
According to this parenting coach, the best way to help them do that is to frustrate them
Image credits: drbeckyatgoodinside
Image credits: drbeckyatgoodinside
Image credits: drbeckyatgoodinside
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: drbeckyatgoodinside
Image credits: drbeckyatgoodinside
Kids with low frustration tolerance are more prone to experience meltdowns and tears
Just like any emotion, frustration is a normal part of life. When we’re unable to complete an important task, we feel annoyed, which can lead us to feel more extreme sensations, like unhappiness, anger, and helplessness.
However, when kids go through this, they aren’t yet capable of dealing with these feelings when something inconvenient happens. "Frustration tolerance comes with age and children may struggle with dealing with frustrated feelings because they don't yet have the skills needed to sit in a space and work through a tough moment," explains Jennifer Kelman, a parenting and mental health expert on JustAnswer.
"Frustration tolerance is an acquired skill that gets learned over time. Children may also not have the verbal skills to express how they are feeling or even, at a young age, to understand what they are feeling so frustration sets in when they cannot express themselves adequately."
But the more they experience their emotions, the more likely they are to learn how to regulate them. This is where parents come in, as they can help children understand their feelings and deal with them the right way. When they see their kids trying out a new task and see them getting a little frustrated, instead of running to them and trying to solve the problem, they should encourage them to take a step back and think of a better way to overcome it.
If parents jump in every time their baby is frustrated and crying, they’re essentially telling them that they’ll do everything for them. When that happens, kids become more likely to experience meltdowns, a lack of control, and tears while facing challenges, making them entitled or egocentric people who don’t like feeling uncomfortable, disappointed, or having boundaries placed on them related to their wants and needs. "A child with less frustration tolerance may give up quickly and feel angry, frustrated and lacking confidence," adds Kelman.
Kids with strong frustration tolerance are better skilled in recovering from challenges
Image credits: Meruyert Gonullu / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Therefore, it’s very important to help children build frustration tolerance. "A child with a strong frustration tolerance has the ability to withstand difficult moments and work through them and sometimes may even be happy with a challenge," says Kelman.
Kids with strong frustration tolerance are better skilled in recovering from challenges and setbacks by being able to think critically and find solutions to problems they face. This not only fosters independence and confidence but also prevents outbursts and meltdowns from occurring. Overall, kids who are good at managing their frustrations are better at communicating and resolving conflicts, as well as building better relationships with children and adults.
This is a skill that is also crucial to have as children mature and enter adulthood. "Developing strong frustration tolerance is crucial for children to develop because as adults we are confronted with many challenging situations and if we are quick to anger, quick to give up, quick to lose confidence or have a short fuse, then that will make many tasks extremely difficult," Kelman explains.
"A low frustration tolerance may also impact relationships because it may be difficult to deal with someone who isn't able to work through an issue without becoming overly frustrated," she notes. "Children will also have to deal with many situations in school, in friendships and in their home life that require them to understand how they feel and deal with any feelings of frustration. The earlier we can teach children to understand how they feel and use language to express those feelings, the better off they will be as they mature."
Besides Dr. Becky’s suggested strategies of building frustration tolerance, like letting kids be bored, sometimes saying ‘no,’ and allowing children to struggle, parents can also help by being a good example and offering some guidance on how to deal with emotions like frustration, says Kelman.
"If children see their parents as a good model for frustration tolerance, meaning that the parents are able to withstand difficult moments without losing their cool and expressing themselves inappropriately, the child will learn that as well. Parents can also help their children if they see their child becoming frustrated by helping them to breathe, digging deep to understand how they're feeling at the moment and coming up with solutions that could help them through that tough time."
Lastly, she concludes by saying, "Building strong resilience around difficult moments is crucial and helping a child to understand what they feel at any given moment and to have an open mindset in order to overcome challenges will be most beneficial. Do not shame your child for feeling frustrated but rather help them to understand what they are feeling, why they are feeling that way and what they can do to make things feel better for themselves."
Parents were loving the parent coach's advice
