“I Want Dad To Feel A Tiny Bit Of Shame”: Women Share 50 Clever Micro Acts That Challenge Sexism

"If an 11 year old girl can handle having a period, you can handle hearing about it."

Growing up in the 80s, people would often call the house to speak to my Dad using the colloquial phrase "Is the boss man in" My mother without fail always replied "Yes, you are speaking to her".

When they're talking about how great men are at being providers and protectors I like to point out that it's "not all men."

I had a relative by marriage who would always stare at breasts in conversation. Rather that go the “my eyes are up here” route, I would engage him in conversation, staring at his crotch the whole time. He stopped talking to me—I considered it a win!

When they're being aggressive, asking them why they're being so emotional.

sarahkatharineny:

Calling them neurotic or hysterical also works well.

followthelemur:

Someone came up with "testerical"...

This one feels super small, but I work at a company that is like 80% male and our paternity leave is only about 4 weeks. I had my son at a different company where both parents got 6 months of fully paid leave (a freaking miracle). So now, every time someone has a kid I make sure to ask my leadership why our paternity leave is so short because the dads need to be able to bond with their kids too. I explain how great mine and my husband's were too and how that meant we both stayed at mediocre companies for a few years longer than we would have otherwise. Trying to get these men more time at home with their kids...

I correct anyone who refers to a woman over 18 a "girl". Nobody ever calls a man in their 20s a "boy". Even news headlines still get this wrong. I will die on this hill!!! Also, there's no such thing as "nonconsensual sex". Either sex or r-pe.

I have a work one and a mom one. My work one is that whenever I'm emailing a man and a woman, I always say the woman's name first in the salutation.

My personal one, to support future working parents, is that my young son and I do a sweep of the apartment to tidy before bedtime, and I don't tell him what to pick up. I just say, "Hmm, does it look clean in here? Does anything else need to be put away?" and he notices what's out of place, then puts it away. This is all part of my dastardly plot to spare his future spouse the classic, "But you didn't TELL ME doing the dishes meant pots and pans too!"

When both parents are present, I look at dad first when asking factual questions about their child. Date of birth, any allergies, etc. 95% of the time mom has to answer anyway, but I want dad to feel a tiny bit of shame that he doesn’t know. Maybe shame is a bit harsh, but I at least don’t want to perpetuate the idea that mom is responsible for everything and dad shouldn’t even know the basics.

One of my favorites that I’ve read before is daycare workers making a point to call dad first. As a working mom I appreciate that so much. I always make it a point to provide my husbands name and number first, yet somehow I am always called first 100% of the time.

My friend’s teenage daughter likes to freak out her stepdad by announcing her period ‘I am shedding my uterine wall…’

I wrote a personal finance college textbook. On average, female examples were better off / making better choices than male examples.

At work I’ve noticed that by default it’s always the women who are expected to act as secretaries when there is a meeting among peers, so when I’m leading a meeting I will always ask a male colleague to take the notes! And when I’m on an email chain discussing setting up a meeting, I always designate a male colleague to check everyone’s calendars and set up the meeting. It’s such a little thing, but it’s little enough to fly under the radar. And bonus, if the men do notice they can’t argue about it without looking like jerks!

A man told me how he was talking to his teenage sons about "a certain kind of girl."
I inquired- you mean a woman who enjoys s*x? You do know women enjoy s*x, right?
You're not getting away with sl*t shaming to me old man.

Whenever a man acts disgusted by conversation of menstruation, to say “You wouldn’t be here if your mom didn’t have a period."

I purposely started my son on helping me unload the dishwasher and sometimes (when I can handle it) washing the dishes. We probably started when he was around one. He’s 2.5 now and regularly helps out. He knows where all the pots and pans and cutting boards go and puts them away all by himself. Both of us parents can do the night time routine as well so daddy is fully a nurturing parent. Also I got my son baby dolls and we pretend to take care of them.

My son is 2.5 and loooves to do the dishes, he has his own vacuum, his own toddler swiffer wet jet-esque, he helps switch the laundry over and can clear his place at the table / put his dishes in the sink etc. He LOVES helping out and being part of the family dynamic, and he gets such a sense of pride from it. I got him a mini cleaning kit as well and he will wash the windows lol. We are big on teamwork in our house!

I teach ESL to adults. When using photos for vocabulary, I almost always use pictures of women in professional jobs and tech jobs, and men doing domestic work and child care.

Wearing heels. Yes I am 6’3-6’4 in heels, yes I am taller than you, no I won’t make myself smaller.

From now on whenever someone talks to me about sports I will say.. "is that the women's or the mens team?"

Whenever a male coworker tells me his wife is pregnant I excitedly ask if he’s coming back to work after the baby is born. And then sit in the silence while they work through what just happened.