#1
I've been a server for a while, and one of my regulars was a older couple. They hadn't been to the restaurant for a few months, but the menu changed and we had lost a bunch of regulars. -I'm clueless-
About a month ago the husband comes in alone, and I ask him about his wife. He started crying and told me she died and he was afraid to come in alone. I sat down and hugged him for a while, then grabbed the owner who talked with him over dinner.
He stayed 5 hours.
#2
#3
When I was 12 my mom took me and my two younger brothers (7&8) to chili's for dinner. After we ordered our food she started telling us that her and our father had been having a lot of problems, and would be getting a divorce. Just about the time she finishes her spiel about both of them still loving us the food comes to the table and all three of us start crying, my youngest brother bawling his eyes out.
Fast forward 15ish years. I'm waiting tables at your local crab hut, and as I walk out of the kitchen towards my table I see the 4 children at the table start to tear up and cry and the parents avoid eye contact as I set the food down. Really wanted to tell those kids that things would still be ok.
Secondhand embarrassment is something that the vast majority of us have experienced. Also known as vicarious embarrassment, it’s what you feel when someone else has an experience that is particularly embarrassing, causing you to feel embarrassment, discomfort, shame or guilt as well, the Cleveland Clinic explains.
“Even though you weren’t part of making that person trip and you weren’t the one who fell, you can still feel the emotion that they’re probably feeling,” clinical health psychologist Marielle Collins, PhD, states.
“A lot of times, these feelings can come with anxiety and a fear of negative social evaluation. Anxiety can be distressing and may get in the way of whatever you’re doing in the moment.”
In a nutshell, secondhand embarrassment happens because human beings are consciously self-aware of how they’re perceived by others. Your mind is wired in a way that simulates the emotional experience and feelings of other people.
In other words, you’re born hardwired for empathy and sociability. Broadly speaking, being more empathetic means that you’re more likely to experience more secondhand embarrassment, too.
#4
I thought it was cheesy, but hey I wanted to help the guy out and be a part of something like that, so I said I'd do it.
I get to the table and ask the question, he then pops THE question and she burst into tears. But not good happy tears. She then blurts out that she wants to break up and that she was in love another guy, apparently a friend of his.
I just slowly backed away from the table as his entire world came crashing down on him.
#5
"He died last week. "
His mother delivered this news with a smile on her face. I smiled back, excused myself, went to the kitchen and bawled.
#6
If you want to be kind to your server, it’s not enough to tip well and avoid causing drama (though these things certainly help!).
The Wall Street Journal suggests thinking of yourself not as a patron, but as your server’s partner.
“People come in thinking they’re paying for an experience, so they don’t have to worry about being a good diner. I think that mindset is what gets them off on the wrong foot. It helps if you come in with more openness and curiosity about what’s going on in the restaurant,” management consultant Max Fulton told the WSJ.
Even saying something as simple as “we’re excited to be here” can build solidarity with your waiter and disarm any cynicism.
#7
I felt embarrassed because the table right across from them was celebrating a Birthday.
I rounded up everyone I could find....about 7 of us, and we sang the Happy Birthday song as loud as we all could.
The arguing couple left shortly thereafter...
#8
As soon as I asked I noticed that one of the guys was wiping away tears, the other had a look on his face I had never encountered before...
"So what you're saying is you thought there was a chance you had HIV but you still slept with me?!"
I didn't know what to do. Backed off, didn't go back.
#9
"I... I... I'm sorry. I just can't marry you. Its-"
"Alright! Who's ready for some breadsticks!?".
Meanwhile, Arjav Ezekiel, the co-owner of Bridie’s in Austin, Texas, pointed out to the WSJ that being present might be more important than simply being nice.
“Put down your phone and engage with the staff. The most important thing for a guest is to feel seen, and I think that’s true for the service team too.”
Furthermore, it’s important for guests to follow the rules the restaurant has set out. Making exceptions for one group of customers can mean compromising on the quality of the experience for other guests. “I think of the restaurant as the dinner party and the diner as the invitee,” Ezekiel added, stressing that it’s vital to respect the rules of the house.
#10
I showed up to their table, completely stunned, and the wife saw me then quickly covered her face in embarrassment. After a couple moments of awkward silence, she just looked at me and said "That was exactly what you think it was." The two of them and I started laughing and the awkwardness was gone.
The next time they came in the wife held up her fist and cocked and eyebrow at me, and that became how we greeted each other any time we saw each other. It stayed this way until I left that restaurant.
#11
They conversation continued from there into cringe-land.
#12
Also, worked in a bar a while back. Girl was sitting at the bar alone for a while, crying. Awkward as hell, so we give her a beer on the house. She explains that the guy she was seeing just dumped her out of nowhere. We feel bad, console her, etc.
A little while later, guy joins her. And they're visibly arguing. He's straight-faced while she's crying. The bar is loud, so she's not wailing or anything, but she's crying pretty hard.
Again, so weird. Why would you do this in public? Her and the guy sit there for like 2 hours. I don't understand why you'd stay and drink/hang out with a girl you just dumped.
Later in the night, he starts hitting on another girl at the bar while this chick is in the bathroom.
I go to the bathroom to make sure she's okay and she's on the floor hysterical and mentioning her inhaler. She has friends standing around her, and they are doing nothing. Just standing there. So I have to go back to where she was sitting and ask the guy which purse is hers. He tries to play macho and act like he doesn't know until I get right in his face and he immediately points to her purse.
I am just floored. She came here with friends and they let her sit at the bar and be dumped and cry in public.. and now she's needing an inhaler and no one is doing anything..?
It was the weirdest situation ever. By the way everyone acted, I assumed maybe she's the drama queen of the group and no one wants to deal with it, but.. don't hang out with her if that's the case. Don't leave your friend hysterically asking for an inhaler on the floor of a bar bathroom.
What are the most embarrassing things that you’ve ever witnessed at a restaurant or cafe, whether as a server or a guest? As a server, how would you like to be treated by your customers? On the flip side, what do you appreciate the most when being waited on while dining out?
How do you handle public situations that practically radiate secondhand embarrassment? Scroll down to share your insights in the comments at the bottom of this post.
#13
"heyy guys, here's that tartar and cocktail yall..... LORD PLEASE HELP JENNIFER OVERCOME CANCER".
#14
#15
I came over to the table just as one girl stood up and yelled "you jerk" to another and stormed out. The second one threw a drink on the guy and walked out. The girlfriend with tears running down of her face asked of the bill and then exits. I come back to the table with the bill with the guy drenched in wine and 5 of his remaining friends still there in hysterics.
#16
"...and thats the first time i saw a d**d body.".
#17
#18
Anyway, I was about to reach their table and fill their glasses with some water (remember, this guy still can't see me) when he suddenly says to his girlfriend, "You ready to make me a daddy tonight?"
Yeah, the look on his face once he realized I was right there was priceless.
#19
#20
