Mom Gives A Shoutout To ‘Voluntarily Involved Grandparents,’ Sparks Big Debate On TikTok

A couple of years ago, my whole family lived in another country for about six months, and when my MIL came to visit us for a week, my wife and I suddenly realized that we had the first opportunity in months to just walk down the street together. Only the two of us, not three, four or five. Because having voluntarily involved grandparents is a game changer.

No, this in no way means that you need to shift the burden of parenthood entirely onto the shoulders of your parents - after all, they have already been parents themselves. But when you have a grandparent (or both, or even 4) who see their role as more than just having some flashy family photos twice a year - it's damn great. And that’s exactly what this viral TikTok video is about.

More info: TikTok

"It's not how well behaved your kids are. Biggest flex is having involved grandparents. Voluntarily involved. Holy [meatballs], having that midday struggle with my children and then getting that text from grandma: 'Hey, can I pick so and so up for a sleepover tonight?' Ha ha ha, funny you should say that! Her bag has been packed. Never unpacked it. She's ready."

"Ones that you can text like, 'Hey, can you fly up this weekend? We need your help.' 'Sure, no problem!' I don't know what kind of reaction that was. But it came within the depths. Nothing beats it. Nothing beats a grandparent that wants to do more than required to get that yearly Facebook Happy Birthday Grandma post. You know, I'm talking about they want to go above and beyond."

"A lot of the times people don't have help, and I am sorry. That [really] blows. We know it's their loss. We know. Who doesn't want to be involved with their grandchildren? Anyways, I digress. I know it's true. Having the village actually involved. Top tier. Winning. Grandma, Grandpa, we [really] love you."

So, the Original Poster (OP), a TikTok mom named Kelsey (@kelsey_p90), claims that among the biggest flexes of parenting, nothing can beat a grandma or grandpa who can just call and ask if they could pick up the kids for a sleepover tonight. Or whom you can call with a similar question - and they will happily agree.

Kelsey calls such grandparents voluntarily involved grandparents, and reasonably states that their presence makes parenting much easier - especially since there are many grandparents, based on the comments on the original video, who took full advantage of the help of their own parents twenty or thirty years ago - and today don't want to follow their example at all.

"I'm so jealous of parents who have this," one of the commenters wrote. "My mom hasn't seen my kids in like two years." Of course, the distance factor can also play a significant role here, but there is an old, wise saying: “They who doesn't want are looking for a reason. They who want are looking for a means.” Well, if they also live nearby, then this is generally a perfect combo! "I've got 4 involved Grandparents that live within 5 miles... They are worth more than gold," another commenter added.

By the way, numerous studies really confirm that regular communication with grandparents, having their emotional support, is important for children. “Also important in terms of emotional support was the [children's] perception of their grandparent’s motivation for involvement; that whatever the type of extra-curricular activity or hobby, young people felt their grandparents wanted to be involved,” another study notes.

And that's exactly what Kelsey is talking about. After all, kids, like a perfectly calibrated emotional barometer, will perfectly sense any lie, even if unspoken. They will always feel it if grandparents babysit them simply out of despair, and so on. However, another important factor here is respect for the parenting style, because many grandparents feel not like helpers in this process, but almost its main participants.

People in the comments to the original video also more than agree with this. "Biggest biggest flex - having voluntarily involved grandparents that respect your parenting style and boundaries," one of the commenters claimed. In other words, if your parents, or your spouse’s parents, are like that - then congrats, you’re in luck! If not... well, maybe a decade or two will pass, and you will become such grandparents? And what do you, our dear readers, think about this video?