Finding out that you or your partner are pregnant is one of the most magical times in soon-to-be parents' lives. Finally, you can open a list of cute baby names, prepare little clothes and make your dream of having your own little family come true. However, it can also be a nightmare. If you never wanted to have kids and don’t even want to think about parenthood - well, that’s a completely opposite story.
One Reddit user found himself in a similar situation after having a clear conversation with his girlfriend that he doesn’t want to be a dad. However, she got pregnant, leading to him leaving her and the baby.
More info: Reddit
Not everybody wants to be parents, so it’s important to be clear on this topic with your partner before deciding by yourself to start a family
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Man shares that he never wanted to be a father and his girlfriend knew this since they started dating
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
She wanted to be a mom so they had a break for a few months, but they got back together and she said she would try to be content as just an aunt
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
But after some time, she told him that she was pregnant and admitted to being off her birth control
Image credits: u/ThingfromtheBlackBog
He told her that he is leaving, he will pay child support, but he doesn’t want to be a father
Recently a Reddit user shared his story asking community members if he is being a jerk for not staying with his girlfriend for his child and agreeing to pay child support, but nothing more. He adds that he now looks like a jerk who is ditching his child, but he never wanted to be a father. The post collected more than 6.3K upvotes and 7.2K comments.
The author starts by saying that he never wanted to be a dad. After being the oldest of his 6 siblings, he spent most of his childhood and teen years being a third parent. He also highlights that his girlfriend knew from the beginning his opinion about parenthood and was fine with this. Well, during the pandemic, she got baby fever and the couple agreed to go on a break for a while to think it through.
After a few months, they got back together, and she emphasized that while she still wanted to be a mom, she would try to be a cool auntie. However, later on, she got pregnant and decided to keep it. After learning that she had been off her birth control for some time, OP was furious. He understands that her mind might have changed, but he is still confident about not wanting to be a dad.
OP shares that he left her. He makes good money and will pay child support, but he never wanted this. He understands that he looks like a massive jerk dad who is ditching his child, but he never agreed to it in the first place.
Community members didn’t fully support OP’s decision about the whole thing. “It's weird how some men think it's 100% on the woman to prevent pregnancies. What she did was absolutely disgusting, but relying on a single BC method when you're sure you don't want kids is just stupid,” one user wrote. On the contrary another shared: “As written, she knew you hadn't changed your mind, and went without birth control until she got what she wanted. Pay whatever the court says. Pay through the court. Go no contact. Make better choices.”
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
For context, as the OP is the oldest of his siblings in his family, he grew up spending most of his teen years looking after his younger siblings. And while it’s nothing new as most parents ask their eldest for help with babysitting, it may actually have a long-term effect on the kids.
Let’s start from the word parentification. According to Newport Academy, parentification is the practice of parents looking to their kids for practical or emotional help instead of offering it themselves. The child thereby takes on the role of caregiver. Parentified children are thus compelled to take on adult duties and behaviors before they are prepared to do so.
Some examples may include taking care of siblings or other relatives, assuming housekeeping duties, paying bills or being caretaker for a parent with a disability, illness or mental health disorder.
Speaking about the effect of parentification, Parents states that parentification can also be problematic as an adult, especially when it comes to forming healthy relationships. Many people keep playing the part of the listener, counselor, or supporter and end up being people-pleasers. They struggle to deal with rejection and disappointment in relationships and feel anxious about being left behind and losing everything.
Moreover, they might also experience issues with trust, aggression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. So while asking the oldest kid to look after the younger siblings is completely okay, making it a habit may have consequences in the long run.
So, guys, what do you think about this situation? Was the man being a jerk or did girlfriend have no right to purposely become pregnant? Share your thoughts below!
Community members had a debate about this story; some said the man is being a jerk, some backed him up
