Someone Online Was Curious About “What’s Your Unspoken Mom Code?” And 33 Mothers Came Through

Give parents with disabled kids as much grace as possible. That’s an unimaginably hard job.

I will stand in the path of your toddler who is attempting to run away

Always hold doors for parents with strollers.

My teen pointed this out to me- I didn’t even realize I do it- but if I see a child without an adult in arms reach I just stop and stare until I figure out who their adult is or talk with them until their adult Comes if no one is around. I think it’s just engrained in me!

If you see a kid in danger, and it doesn't look like any other adult is going to do something, do something.

Solidarity, not shame, when someone else's child is tantruming in public.

I will entertain stranger's kids in confined public spaces (like buses or lineups) when I am not with my kids because it's such a godsend when people entertain mine.

If you let your boyfriend abuse your kids and you choose your bf, you are no longer my friend.

Don’t feed someone else’s kid without asking

Compliment parents who go out on public with stickers on their faces or toddler marker "tattoos."

I give honest feedback when another parent asks how things are going with xyz in relation to the kids. 4yo is a picky eater but doing well otherwise. Baby is still waking at night but we’ll turn a corner soon. I think parents find solace when they hear real stories from other parents.

Always offer to take photos of moms with their kids if I see them grabbing pictures of just the kids.

If your kid has an accident, the extra clothes in my bag are yours.

If I am at a playground with friends we will help each other’s kids and do zone parenting- it’s an unspoken rule.

Sharing clean diapers and age-appropriate snacks is a def yes.

I will warn you if my kid is even slightly suspected to be sick or we were recently exposed to an illness but aren’t currently sick so you can make a judgment call on if you want to be near us. To a weirdly specific amount “they sneezed 3 times today, could be nothing? Could be a new global pandemic- no fever but acting normal FYi”

I expect you to do the same. Even if it’s “they have chronic asthma and that barky cough is lingering from an asthma attack this morning.”

I’ll never forget before I had kids one of my friends had 4 kids, saved for years and was leaving on a dream vacation to Hawaii, she was leaving in a few days… when another mom casually mentioned (an hour into a visit) her kid was confirmed positive with Flu A AND B.

We cut her out of our lives after that and refer to her as “fluzie Suzie” thankfully Hawaii moms kid didn’t get sick (she had an awesome trip!) but the sheer stupidity of exposing us all and thinking it was fine?? It was unreal.

RESPECT THE NAP/ routine

This thread makes me so happy.

Today we were loading our twin 3.5yr olds into the car at the farmers market. My boy twin wasn’t being bad just taking his sweet time sitting straight in his seat, getting buckled etc. This older lady was waiting to get into her car next to us and was like “ok T, let’s get buckled real quick someone is waiting (!!!)” and she was like “oh don’t worry, I remember those days!” Similarly, someone at the store watched my daughter in the cart (right behind me) in the parking lot while I loaded her brother. And it was just this nice little balm of relief. So whenever I see someone with kids I hold the door or give a knowing smile because that solidarity is everything.

This is not exacty ‘unspoken’, but I ask moms ( and dads) how they are doing. And genuinely try to actually ‘see’ and ‘hear’ their response. We all do so much, but all focus and energy is on the kids. It’s really special when someone acknowledge and ‘sees’ me and all I do so I try to do the same.

I pass on my grandmother’s wisdom to “never wake a sleeping baby.” I try not to wake sleeping tweens if I can help it! Kids need sleep!