Being invited to a celebration, especially by a person you care for dearly, is an exciting moment. If it’s a wedding, you might think about how filled with romance the couple’s special day is going to be or if it’s a birthday, you might go straight to thinking about what’s the best gift to get them.
But some people surprise their guests by showing that romance is not what they're focusing on during said special day or that they’ve already chosen a birthday gift that they want to receive (often costing the guests an arm and a leg).
Needless to say, unexpected choices such as expensive gifts or unreasonable requests don’t exactly get the guests more excited about the upcoming event. On the contrary, they might start to dread it or refuse to go altogether, as some of the people on today’s list did.
Netizens on Quora were asked about the most unreasonable requests and demands that they’ve seen on an invitation to an event or received from a relative hosting a holiday celebration. They shared quite a few stories, each one more unbelievable than the other, so if you’re curious about what bridezillas and other celebrants were brave enough to demand, scroll down to find their requests on the list below.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with an event planner and designer, a wedding and entertaining expert, David Tutera, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about odd requests.
#1
1990. I'm married.
A male friend of ours is getting married and had asked my husband to be in the wedding party. He said yes. We had met his fiancée, Rachel, a handful of times but never got to know her on a personal level. Because of that, Rachel had suggested a get-together at her house prior to the wedding so that all the people who would be in the wedding could get to know one another. Makes sense.
A week later I got an invitation in the mail for the party, as well as a note stating:
“You are responsible for bringing 10 bottles of soda (must be name brand), home-made brownies for 25 people, 5 bags of chips (must be name brand). Each person can bring food to put on the grill but limited to a hamburger for each, or two hotdogs each, with a small piece of chicken. The rolls for these items have been assigned to “Luanne”, as well as all condiments (must be name brand).”
My eyes! I had to read it ten times to believe it was real! Bring our own food to fit on the grill? As well as other food?
My phone rang off the hook. Everyone was comparing their “YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS” list. She assigned one person to bring garbage bags and they were the clean-up crew. Another person was assigned decorations and linens.
I, along with several others, called Rachel to decline. Her response: “Okay. But you are still responsible for your list, so please drop those items off to my house ASAP”.
I told her that she is off her rocker.
Long story short, the party didn't happen. The wedding was postponed for over a year. It did finally happen. They divorced two years later.
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168points
#2
We made an unusual request for our wedding.
We were a bit older (37 and 43, first wedding for both), and doing pretty well, so we decided to have a nice event. We both had lots of friends by this age, so it was to be pretty big. We both loved children, didn’t have any at the time, and had been to too many boring weddings, where the guests had all been told no children were to attend.
We decided to turn that upside-down, and informed all of our guests that had children that they were not to hire babysitters, bring the kids, and if they showed up without them would be sent home to get them. Our venue had a loft that we set up as a kids area, and we hired a couple young ladies to help make sure the kids were safe and attended to.
We had 185 guests, about 40 of whom were children, from 3 weeks old to teenagers. It was delightful. There was exactly one “disciplinary incident” when a boy, about 6, threw something and almost knocked over a glass of wine, and thus had to be told not to throw things any more, please.
So that was the unreasonable demand — bring your kids, or else! Still the best day of my life.
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168points
#3
Destination weddings. What possesses brides and grooms to believe that most of the people they know can afford to fly off to some exotic destination. And that all of their employers will have no problem giving them the time to do it. And that travel like that won’t be an issue for older people expected to attend … or young people who now have to figure out what to do with children for multiple overnights. I’ll toss one in for my pet owning friends … they’ll have to figure out what to do with rover and kitty for multiple days.
Even a destination a couple hours away can be a problem for some people. Those with no transportation, older people who can’t ride that far.
I’d have to say that the destination wedding is one of the most selfish and self serving wedding ideas I’ve heard of in my life.
162points
It’s safe to assume that celebrants tend to have odd requests not only for their guests, but the people who help make it all happen, too.
In a recent interview with Bored Panda, the event planning aficionado, David Tutera shared that over the course of his career, he had a fair share of people asking him to execute ideas that are far from typical. Be that as it may, “My philosophy has always been to say YES,” he said, adding that when you say yes, you open a new door that leads to unique moments and opportunities.
“The success that I have received over all the years of creating once in a lifetime events is because I have said yes and I have found ways to make all my clients excited and grateful,” the expert shared.
#4
So I got invited to a birthday party of a woman, a friend at that time. The venue was a 5-star restaurant. I was humbled and loved her for the invite. A few days before the party, she called and insisted on me bringing everyone, including my children and husband to the party. I was hesitant. If I were having a party at such an expensive place, I would not invite spouses and families. I refused. She insisted, and I had to give in. I bought an expensive gift for her, just to appreciate her gesture and efforts. It was a cold November night, an extreme cold weather alert in place I remember. We arrived on time. The servers were running left right and center, keeping up to our demands. The food was good. I tried to limit ordering, assuming it would be a burden on her. She kept assuring me, "It's okay-order what number 1 wants" etc. As the party came to an end, a server showed up with a leather folder and extended it to me. I looked at my husband, he gestured to me to open it. Inside was the bill of our food. A few hundred bucks. I looked at my husband again.
He knew the look on my face.
He quietly motioned me to pay it.
Did I have a choice?
Edit: Just so I am clear, it was you pay for your own food, just that no one knew it was until the servers showed up with bills. I love pay-for-your-own-food hangouts. But when you 'invite' people for birthday parties and then insist on bringing anyone for your own fun, try to make things clear before-hand. Sure I had money and I could pay. What if someone could not afford to pay and was caught off-guard? Because I know some were!
He knew the look on my face.
He quietly motioned me to pay it.
Did I have a choice?
Edit: Just so I am clear, it was you pay for your own food, just that no one knew it was until the servers showed up with bills. I love pay-for-your-own-food hangouts. But when you 'invite' people for birthday parties and then insist on bringing anyone for your own fun, try to make things clear before-hand. Sure I had money and I could pay. What if someone could not afford to pay and was caught off-guard? Because I know some were!
135points
#5
Ive not seen anything unreasonable on the invite but was in a wedding and was asked not to sit so we dont wrinkle our bridesmaids poofzilla dresses while we wait for brides mom to finally show up. Considering the circumstance it was quite unreasonable. Maaaan! Polyester gold dress with cheap a*s shoes in a room that was africa hot with 1 fan…oh yea bad combo for me. I stood, mom showed an hour late, we walked to the wedding song to the front where the pastor was and IT WAS FULL OF VIDEO LIGHTING! It was hot as the surface of the sun up there. So while the bride, groom and pastor were ramble ramble rambling on I just passed the f*** out. Didnt even try to stop it or grab anything or yell out. I just thought ‘Its hot as f*** and Im sick of all this crap. Feel like Im boutaaa…….BLAP!’ It was sooooooo awesome!!LMAOOO! Want to know the best part? You can rewind and forward over and over and I go up down up down up down..heeee heeee comedy!
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126points
However, saying YES to unconventional ideas might not always be the best route to take when it comes to unreasonable or dangerous requests.
“When a client asks for something dangerous or out of line or uncomfortable for the guests, you need to explain how it may affect the energy of the guests, or even make them feel awkward,” Tutera said, adding that they might feel unsteady with what they believe or deem to be too dangerous, scandalous, or simply odd.
#6
I’ve got one. I was invited to a baby shower. The invitation said “no cards, bring a children’s picture book and write a message for the new baby and mother on the inside cover.’ Okay, that’s a little bossy, but I can deal with it. It also said “only use clear wrapping paper for your baby shower gift” and gave a list of places where you could get this clear paper. That seemed odd, but I thought “okay,” and I just did it.
Here’s where it got demanding. I arrived at the baby shower with my required picture book with message inside, and gift wrapped in clear paper. I finally understood why. You see, when a gift is in clear paper, the Mommy-to-be doesn’t have to bother opening it to see what your brought. Okay, that seemed really weird — a baby shower where the Mommy-to-be doesn’t actually open the gifts in front of the guests.
So I sat down with my gift (as I was directed by the lady giving the shower) and then I was handed a “thank you card, envelope, and a pen.’ I couldn’t imagine why. We were all then instructed to put our name and address on the envelope so the Mommy-to-be wouldn’t be burdened by having to address them herself. Okay. Then we were told to open the preprinted thank you card, which had a line for us to fill-in what we had bought as a gift! So it said “Thank you for very much for your gift of ___________________________. Our new little one greatly appreciates you.” Yes, we were being asked to fill out our own thank you cards for gifts the Mommy-to-be was not even going to bother to unwrap or look at during the shower.
I also later found out from one of the other “participants” that by wrapping them in clear paper, it made it much easier to return unwanted, un-needed, or duplicate gifts directly to the store, because it showed the gift had not been opened.
They had a sheet cake, a punch bowl of punch made with frozen mix and ginger ale, and that was it. There was no gift opening or acknowledgement, no baby games, nothing. We all just filled out our thank you cards, put our gifts on or around a table, and then the guests talked with each other, and then we left. I don’t think the Mommy-to-be even said a word to me.
And the last straw? The Mommy-to-be never even bothered to mail those thank you cards she had us address and fill-out.
125points
#7
I was the one making the request, but it wasn't on the invitation.
Having attended many weddings and other events from my wife's family, I knew there would be certain family members that would show up to ours in just T shirts and jeans. Not acceptable.
So in the weeks leading up to the wedding, I went to have tea with the aunts and cousins from her fily that loved to gossip and spread a rumor that some of my friends from the army that had been in special forces were going to stand at the entrance with paintball guns and shoot anyone who showed up in t-shirts and jeans.
Not surprising, not one showed up in casual clothes and a few people who I had expected to kept asking me where the special forces guys were.
109points
#8
I was chosen as a bridesmaid for one of my friend. However, the bridesmaid dress that she chose was way too expensive ( I was a student in University and money was tight ). In addition to that I had to pay for the package of skin and hair treatment prior the D-day at the spa that she chose. And on the D-Day itself I also had to pay for the hairstylist and the make up person that she ‘provided’ for us bridesmaids. Those things are seriously expensive! And she didn’t allow us to do the hair and makeup ourselves as she was afraid that we won’t look good in a pictures.
Also, she explicitly said that she expected us bridesmaids to gifted her something from the list of the wedding registry that she had prepared and those stuff were waayyy beyond my means . So nope..sorry girl, not gonna do that. Not ready to sell my kidneys yet. There were also 2 other girls that were unwilling to do that.
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102points
Tutera emphasized that the role of the event planner is to bring to life moments that have never been seen, which requires knowing your client well and researching how best to take it to the next level; yet there are times when they simply have to say no.
“Just because a client is asking us professionals to do something, we do not have to execute the idea; if you feel that it will tarnish your name, your career, or insult someone, you should take the high road and pass.
“Do not say you can do it; simply tell them that you will not be able to execute what they are looking for.”
#9
An invitation from a former friend’s granddaughter stated at the bottom, “No gifts valued at less than $100 will be accepted. See registry at ___________. Cash preferred.
How would they know whether it was $98 or $102? Does that $100 include tax, and shipping, if ordered online? At the time, I was not working and had a small fixed income. $100 might as well have been $1000.
I declined the invitation and simply sent the new couple a card wishing them well. I guess that might be why Grandma and I are now former friends.
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101points
#10
We got an invitation to a wedding from one of my friend’s daughter. She actually wrote that she “wanted” cash; $100.00 or more. Nothing else because she has exquisite taste and she could do her own shopping. (Lol. ). Her last statement said that if you could not give her the cash she requested, then stay home. Can you guess how I spent my Saturday? Lol. yeah, I know!
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95points
#11
My first wedding was ginormous as my parents invited a gazillion people.
I had asked them for two things:
That I should personally know the guests, and
That the guests don’t get wasted and fight.
Both requests were apparently unreasonable and declined by my parents
That the guests don’t get wasted and fight.
Both requests were apparently unreasonable and declined by my parents
81points
Discussing the times he had to—or at least tried to—say no, David Tutera shared that he once had a client who wanted to be lowered down into the ballroom, seeking to make the moment come to life.
“She wanted to be lowered down in her heavy wedding gown,” he recalled. “I said that the only way she could make this happen was if she took weeks if not months of practice.
“She did take on the challenge—I should have known she wouldn’t chicken out—and she did not make the moment come to life.”
#12
Every year my family has a xmas eve buffet at my brothers house since he has a very large home, with exchanging of gifts,my niece had to work xmas eve and said she was working till 7pm she knew her work schedule all week but waited till the last minute 12/24 to tell everyone she had to work, our family party was already planned & everybody was there and it started at 7pm, she demanded that we all wait till she got there ,before we all sat down to eat. We have several elderly family members that needed to eat as their sugar levels were dropping as it was now getting close to 8:30 and my niece didn't even bother call to let us know when she be getting there !
We had kids crying wanting to eat and the elderly that needed to eat, food getting cold, so we all decided to sit down and eat and guess what time princess arrived ? 9:45 ! She got off work at 8:00 and then went to her boyfriends house and spent time there , then she went home to get a shower and out of her work clothes and then came over to my brothers house and had the nerve to be mad and screaming at everybody,because we all had eaten and we were starting opening gifts without her ! Who in the hell did she think she was ? She never called to let us know, when she would be getting there,she was inconsiderate and downright rude ,no respect for anybody else or thinking about anybody else .
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79points
#13
There’s a slight chance that this is an exaggeration but my cousin is not one to tell tall tales.
He and his wife are both high-school teachers and they were invited to the wedding of a fellow teacher. The wedding ceremony and reception all took place at the same venue - outdoor ceremony and covered pavilion for the reception. The wedding invitation had declared that the reception would be alcohol-free and vegan, being “animal cruelty free”, but without providing serious details. Not a problem - but a bit of a surprise as their fellow teacher was not known for outspoken or strong beliefs. Well, upon entry, ushers were turning away guests who were not in compliance with this protocol.
What does that mean? Well, basically, people wearing leather shoes or belts, or carrying leather purses or wearing animal products (silk maybe, feathers?) were turned away by these ushers. A few women were able to ditch their purses in their cars, but not everyone was so lucky. My cousin had to show that he wasn’t wearing a leather belt, and his wife declared her shoes to be “imitation leather” even though they may have been real.
Several of their co-workers went home after being turned away because, well, not everyone brings a second pair of shoes with them for an outdoor, summer wedding. (What I mean is that most of the women wore sandals or wedges rather than stilettos because they don’t work well for walking outdoors on grass.)
So my cousin explained that this “WTF” moment was sprung on all the guests. The bride decided, last minute, that she had to do something to make her wedding “responsible”. She was a vegetarian (but not a vegan), and got this idea off the internet. But it’s shocking that ushers were literally “frisking” people. I don’t know if they checked pockets or purse contents for leather wallets or keychains, but this was beyond the pale.
I have heard of weddings being “dry” - alcohol free - and that certain untrustworthy individuals were checked for bringing in hip flasks, but that’s usually reserved for the alcoholic deadbeat brother-in-law specifically, and not the general public. For a wedding which invited people on the periphery of friendship, this was a bad idea and certainly didn’t endear the happy couple to any but their most hardcore, militant vegan friends.
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74points
#14
“We will be having only our traditional foods, which everyone will be expected to share. Please set aside your usual dietary restrictions to come together as a family. No outside/unapproved food will be permitted.”
I'm f**king serious. I get that food becomes really complicated in a family with allergies, celiac, vegans, diabetics, and people on keto and WW, as well as religious restrictions, but your longing for a simplified table doesn't mean you get to make bulls**t demands.
I'm f**king serious. I get that food becomes really complicated in a family with allergies, celiac, vegans, diabetics, and people on keto and WW, as well as religious restrictions, but your longing for a simplified table doesn't mean you get to make bulls**t demands.
73points
Another time the event planning professional remembers showing warning signs was when the father of a bride wanted to sing a song to his daughter, but did not want to practice; nor was he willing to pay for a second generator for power.
“I begged him to get the second generator,” David shared. “When it was time for him to sing, he stepped on the stage, and let’s just say he was beyond awful. You can’t say I did not try to have him not step onto the stage.”
#15
My wife was asked to be a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding. Then my sister proceeded to tell those in her wedding party that the wedding is on Eleuthera Island in the Bahamas, and the stay will be 3 days. There was no prior notice of this because she wanted it to be “a surprise”. All six girls declined - the costs would be over $3000 for each of them. To this day, sis still doesn't get why it was considered unreasonable.
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68points
#16
“Lunch Party Tomorrow at 12”.
I received a work email for the following day from one of our team members. No reason was specified in the email, just the time and place to be. Usually, such lunch or dinner invitations are Project’s achievement related. I guessed this too was something similar.
Our entire team arrives, thirty people in total. It was a buffet lunch at Barbeque Nation.
After dessert, the boss of my boss excused himself to leave early for some urgent work. Before leaving he glanced at me, smiled and said “Thank You! “
I was confused but smiled back out of courtesy.
Another team member probably sensed my confusion. She said in a humorous way, whether I was aware that I am sponsoring their lunch. My jaw dropped!
Turns out people who got promoted are treating all the team members. A total of six people, out of which four are considerably senior and so is their hike!
The whole thing was their idea and I ended up becoming a clueless contributor. Who neither got to have a say nor had any knowledge about being one of the hosts!
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67points
#17
This was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen. I was not involved in the wedding, but you certainly couldn’t miss it.
Back around 1979, the daughter of a prominent local couple was getting married. They owned a big hotel, so were well off and built a new house in a very prominent place in town. The daughter got married.
However, after the wedding there was a huge article in the local paper about the wedding. This was not the custom, so I’m not sure if they paid to have the article put in there or what the deal was.
It described in great detail everything about the wedding including how much every thing cost. For example, “the brides mother Mary, wore a beautiful gown, costing $3,000.” It went on to list how much everything cost. I couldn’t believe it.
Then it went on to say how each guest was required to bring a money gift of at least $500. Which today would probably be about $1,500. I don’t know why anyone would attend a wedding like that.
It was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen.
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61points
D. Tutera revealed that sometimes he has to say no to his clients not only because what they are asking for is not safe, but because it might be harmful to himself, too. “When clients ask for ridiculous things, I sometimes say no because it comes back to me as the planner and the designer, and [the event] must represent who we are as a company.
“Everyone always remembers the last work we did,” the expert emphasized, adding that it’s important to make choices that will ensure that you stand out for all the right reasons.
#18
A good friend was dating a woman for some years, they moved in together, and got engaged. I was invited to the wedding. I regretfully declined.
The wedding was a 3 day event in the middle of nowhere Napa valley basically camping out. No amenities beyond a few communal cabins with cots. No showers. Very basic toilette facilities. Cooking on portable butane stoves…with food you brought yourself.
No thanks buddy.
59points
#19
Think planes, trains, and automobiles. And boats.
The couple lived in a major American city but decided to have their wedding on a hard-to-get-to Caribbean island. The guests had to fly 4+ hours to one Caribbean island, then take a bus, then a boat to the destination island because that island was too small to have an airstrip. We left our house around 6am and didn’t arrive at the final destination until about 12 hours later.
We had to pay for our own cabs to the hotel — I mean, every single person was coming from the US and onto the same boat dock on the island, so why didn’t they at least have a shuttle to take us to the hotel? (Same when we went home a couple of days later — we had to pay for all transportation.)
Of course, we had to pay for our hotel rooms. And most meals. This was peak travel season, by the way, so prices were very jacked up.
It was sad that so many family members couldn’t make the wedding. It was right before Christmas, so (1) kids were in school, and parents didn’t want to pull them out for a destination wedding, (2) families couldn’t afford to spend so much right before a holiday, (3) the old people who did attend were highly uncomfortable with all the traveling — seasickness was just one issue, (4) it was like a mandatory vacation for the guests. I would never have chosen to vacation at that spot because it was highly inconvenient and extremely expensive.
I’ve had the misfortune to be invited to other destination weddings, but this one took the cake. It was as though they chose the most expensive and least accessible option they could think of. Very unreasonable to ask your guests to travel so far and spend so much, just so the couple could be “different.” Thus far, the difference between this and every other wedding I’ve attended is that I still get mad when I think about this one.
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55points
#20
“This is my wedding going on, shut up everyone! Be serious!”
I had a distant aunt who was known for her eccentricities. Hindu weddings can have up to 4–5 hours of constant rituals on stage as the guests watch on or talk amongst themselves.
This was one of those routine weddings where children and parents meandered around the wedding hall meeting relatives while the couple performed ancient rituals in front of a fire. It is not meant to be a movie that everyone watches. There is nothing entertaining about it except the beginning and ending where the guests participate by showering rice on the couple.
Anyway, in the middle of the 3rd hour on a very hot Bombay afternoon, we heard the chanting stop and all the murmurs in the hall died down as the bride suddenly stood up and made her way to the microphone.
“This is my wedding going on, shut up everyone! Be serious!”
I can completely understand that the guests need to respect the occasion, however, the crowd wasn’t even all that loud. In fact, most of the kids were playing in the garden, the adults were eating, and the only people even having soft conversations were the seniors.
It was very awkward and her parents got extremely embarrassed. Her husband didn’t react but….now….15 years later…they are divorced and he got the kids.
55points