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Bored Panda spoke with Catdogbird29, a childfree and single woman who shared her experience in response to this thread on the Ask Women subreddit. She wrote: “I’m single with no children. I just booked a trip to NYC and one to Mexico in the summer, and am planning a trip to Europe for the fall. I’m thinking about getting a second masters degree and after seeing these responses, I’m thinking 'why the hell not?'” She also added that she has money and time to pursue her interests and because of that, she has gotten to know exactly who she is. “It turns out I like me a lot,” the woman added.
“I think there is a lot of societal pressure for women to get married,” Catdogbird29 told us. “The message that marriage and kids = happiness is literally everywhere in our lives, from the media, friends, and family. I felt growing up that my life would not be complete unless I got married and had kids, and it led me to make some decisions that were not in my best interest.”
Having said that, the woman believes that society is changing. “It is becoming more acceptable for women to stay single and childless, but there is still considerable pressure to ‘settle down.’”
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The Redditor also said that she learned that she likes being single and she generally doesn’t feel a lot of need to be in a relationship. “I realized after a bad breakup that I stayed in the relationship for so long because I felt like I ‘had to’ and I would be ‘unhappy’ if I wasn’t in a relationship. I felt worse when I thought I would ‘run out of time’ to have kids.”
Moreover, “It didn’t help that I didn’t have women in my life that were happy single, and I watched as they made compromise after compromise to make their male partners happy at their own expense. I thought this was just the way it was for women. Then, as I was healing from my breakup, I realized I was far happier on my own than I ever was when I was dating or in a relationship,” she said.
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Catdogbird29 confessed that the quality of her life improved a lot after her breakup. “I no longer had to care for another person or make compromises about anything. What movie do I want to watch? What groceries do I want to buy? Where do I want to go for vacation? All my decisions.” Moreover, the woman started trying new hobbies and eating healthier. “My stress levels have dropped now that I’m single. I don’t see the same in my friends and family with kids.”
She believes that women in general take on so much of a mental workload when it comes to maintaining a relationship and care for children. “We hand ourselves over to make other people happier and we neglect ourselves and it isn’t fair. Society expects women to sacrifice for their husbands and children,” the Redditor explained. Although not all relationships have to be like this, Catdogbird29 said she doesn’t see equal partnerships modeled anywhere, “even among my friends and family that insist their relationships are different.”
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“I think the most common misconception about childfree and unmarried women is that we are bitter and jealous of our parent/married friends and family,” Catdogbird29 told us and added that she’s not at all. “I only want my loved ones to be happy and fulfilled and if that means getting married and having kids then I am happy for them. I will gladly hang out with you and your spouse, or babysit your kids for you. My friends are my friends regardless of their relationship status.”
Another misconception about childfree and single women is that they are lonely. “I’m not at all. I’m introverted by nature so I love my alone time. Sure, sometimes I wish I had a partner but I’ve seen just as many women desperate to get a moment of peace in their day. I know there are plenty of women that are bitter, jealous, and lonely, but I would encourage them to find whatever they are looking for in other people in themselves instead.” The Redditor wants to remind everyone that “You are a whole person. There is no 'other half' out there for you.”
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