Toxic Masculinity Deems These 30 Normal And Healthy Behaviors ‘Unmanly,’ Yet People Online Think Otherwise

It’s really peculiar to realize that some everyday tasks get stuck with labels like “manly” or “unmanly.” We’re talking about basic skills that help someone be self-sufficient.

Everyone needs to eat, so you’d better learn how to cook and bake. You might need to mend your clothes, so knowing how to use a needle-and-thread simply makes sense. Who doesn’t enjoy watching their vegetable garden thrive? And why should someone’s gender determine whether or not they should like singing or dancing as a hobby? Someone’s gender doesn’t come into it—these are all very human things to do.

When you start attaching gender to these activities and skills, you end up making everyone less independent. At the same time, you put people under a lot of pressure to ‘conform’ to how their social circle or culture views masculinity and femininity. Now imagine the stress someone has to deal with when they’re faced with entirely different cultural expectations when they move somewhere else or join a new social circle.

Objectively, boiling an egg (cooking) isn’t manly or unmanly. Neither is moving your feet (dancing), using your vocal cords (singing), or watering flora (gardening). However, our surroundings, family, and upbringing shape how we perceive these activities.

According to a 2006 study done by The Pennsylvania State University, the social rules of gender continue to play “a prominent role” in leisure activities like sports. The researchers found that “girls experience greater social latitude in their sport participation than boys.” In other words, society sees it as more acceptable for women to participate in masculine activities than the reverse.

“Girls and women are at less risk for gender stigma if they pursue masculine activities than boys and men if they pursue feminine activities. This may be due to a higher social value and status assigned to masculine activities and the efforts on the part of girls and women to gain respect by achieving in a traditionally masculine field,” they write.

Broadly speaking, boys and men who stray from masculine norms raise questions about their masculinity. So they have less flexibility when it comes to participating in “unmanly” sports and recreational activities.

Many of these issues are rooted in social expectations. To oversimplify things a bit, men are expected to never be perceived as vulnerable, weak, or soft. They’re also pushed to be aggressive and competitive. These are traits that some interpret to be examples of toxic masculinity.

Healthy masculinity, on the other hand, is exemplified by self-reflection, embracing emotions (whatever they might be) instead of repressing them, and being comfortable with having one’s opinions challenged.