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#2
Ray and Ann passed away 3 hours apart, in different facilities. Ann first; then Ray.
Since Ray was the last one living, they contacted his next of kin which was my mom. She got a call from a lawyer and was scared to call him back because she thought they were going to make her pay for the funerals. Lawyer says no, no, you just need to come in and talk to me.
Stacks and stacks of CDs and bonds, laundry basket filled with cash (covered in clothes), cash rolled up under kitchen sink, some here, some there.. Multiple bank accounts.. Ended up being close to $2mil.
The only bill my mom had to pay in Ray's name after he passed was his electric bill.. $37.
#3
I'm cool with it though. Kudos to her for doing that in a time where it was really, really hard.
When a loved one passes, they don’t just leave behind their belongings; they also leave behind their story, and sometimes, that story comes with bonus chapters you didn’t know about. A hidden sibling, a stash of love letters, mob connections, or a secret past life as a salsa champion. Okay, maybe not that last one, but hey, you never know, right?
The truth is, grief is already complicated enough. You’re processing the loss, managing the logistics, and trying to hold it together when, surprise, a long-lost relative appears at the funeral, or someone casually drops a “oh, you didn’t know grandpa changed his birthday to avoid parties?”
#4
When she died, I learned she had left behind a great deal of credit card debt. We actually weren't doing that great financially, but she wanted so badly for me to fit in, so she gave me everything other kids had, even if she couldn't afford it. I found one of her last journals that said how badly she wanted for me to be accepted. I still wasn't, but I appreciate her effort. I wish I could thank her for trying.
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The pros say grief can show up in unexpected ways, such as fatigue, physical pain, changes in appetite, or feeling like you’re driving on the highway with no breaks. You might laugh at something one minute and cry at it the next, and it’s completely normal. Coping doesn’t mean “getting over it,” but finding ways to carry the loss without it crushing you.
So, give yourself permission to feel, because there’s no “right” way to grieve. From my experience, sadness, anger, and even relief can all be part of it. Try talking to someone you trust about your feelings, and keep a piece of the one you lost by cooking their favorite meal. But never forget to look after yourself. Because grief doesn’t come with an expiration date, take it at your own pace.
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My grandfather said he knew she liked to go to the horse races, and knew she occasionally gambled, but had no idea that she was as good at it as she was. We all laughed about it because frankly, it was just one facet of a very amazing and accomplished woman.
#9
Grief will teach you a lot, that’s true, but so will juicy secrets like discovering your childhood friend kept every single poem you ever mailed her tucked away in a shoebox or learning your auntie used to own brothels before marrying your uncle.
These discoveries can bring up a mix of emotions, from curiosity to sadness, even laughter. Sometimes, they make you feel closer to the person, but other times, they leave you with a hundred new questions and no one left to answer them.
#10
We found over $2000 in his basement crawlspace. In pennies.
Fortunately, he also was very meticulous about rolling them, though in his old age, he didn't roll them as often. There was maybe $300 or $400 of unrolled pennies, but the rest were thankfully rolled.
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So, why do people keep secrets? Well, here’s the thing: most of us have a few untold stories tucked away, don’t try to deny it. Psychologists say people often keep secrets for three main reasons - protection, privacy, and control over how they’re perceived or remembered.
Maybe they didn’t want to hurt anyone, or maybe they thought it wasn’t anyone’s business. Or maybe they just enjoyed a little mystery. After all, “enigmatic” sounds better on the family grapevine than “forgot to mention I once borrowed money from the mob.”
#13
My dad didn't talk about the war much. He never mentioned this part. Found out from mom he had terrible nightmares all his life about it.
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Losing a loved one is never easy, and secrets can make it feel like you’re getting to know them all over again. But let’s not get too dramatic here - not all posthumous revelations are heavy. Sometimes they can lighten grief instead of deepening it. And learning your parent was occupied with play time with your other parent the night before they passed away can do just that.
Yes, even those “scandalous” little stories can add some color to a loved one’s memory because they remind us that the people we love weren’t perfect, they were human. They had messy, fascinating lives that show one thing: even from the other side, they still know how to keep life interesting.
#16
Edit: I know he at least laundered and/or hid money; besides that, I don't know. His brother also had a very successful real estate business. Their parents (my great grandparents) had a small farm; they did not come from any money.
It was the Italian mob in the Bay Area.
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When my nan (great grandma on my mom's side) passed, I inherited a lot of Japanese items from her. I wondered how she got them, as far as I knew she stayed in Canada her whole life on the farm and hairdressing after her husband passed (my great-grandfather passed away when my grandma was 16).
She apparently met a young Japanese woman that was going to the same hairdressing school as her back in the 1950s. Her family owned land in Japan, including private hospitals in Tokyo and was rather wealthy. When she returned home, they still kept in touch and paid for my nan to visit. She still had Yen from the 50s, and my Japanese friends thought it was so cool as they never saw notes that old. I also have a really beautiful doll that I inherited.
I wish I talked to her more about it when I was younger. But it was amazing to learn all this stuff, even after their passing.
My dad passed away suddenly in 2013. Afterwords, I learned from my mom that the two of them practically moved in together a week after meeting. Married for almost 25 years, and the happiest couple I knew. I miss him everyday.
#20
