We all have days in our life when the going gets a bit tough. One problem or mishap comes after another, making it feel like the whole world has turned its back against you. All jokes aside, this state of being can be truly detrimental; anxiety creeps in, leaving you sleep-deprived and exhausted. It’s only fair to blame it on bad luck, but is it really a matter of luck we’re talking about in such a case?
We reached out to Dr. Lise Deguire, a clinical psychologist and author of the multi-award-winning book “Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience From a Burn Survivor,” to find out about navigating the miserable times. “There are days, weeks, months and even years when it seems like everything possible goes wrong,” Lise said and added that in her practice, her clients experience this, “and we wind up joking that they are like Job, from the Old Testament.”
Lise continued: “Sometimes life is like that, but there are ways to cope. Maintaining a sense of humor is key, as well as maintaining a sense of perspective. Even many truly unfortunate people still have blessings in their lives. When we are miserable, we tend to focus repetitively on what has gone wrong.”
The clinical psychologist explained that “it will improve your mood to turn your attention to what you do have. Also, remember that life goes on. You won't always be unfortunate; it's a phase.”
When asked about the luck factor, Lise said that it can certainly seem that some people are much unluckier than others. “Life can be random, and tragedies can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time. Still, we can make choices to improve our "luck." Choosing supportive friends, making time for the people we love, saving extra money for the future, eating healthy foods... all these are examples of ways we can improve our lives.”
According to her, in the long run, “it can seem like we are ‘lucky to have good relationships, savings and good health, but probably we did little things to help us attain these blessings.”
We previously spoke with Lynn How, the author of “Positive Young Minds” who specializes in supporting parents, teachers, and children navigating through mental health issues to find out how to find your way out of such miserable periods. “We’ve all been in those situations where we have a run of seemingly bad luck when we question what on earth we have done to deserve this?” So it’s not only me or you, the world going against you is a universal feeling.
However, when you are in the grips of misery, it may be really hard to see your way out of it. Only after things calm down are you able to reflect and realize that it wasn’t the end of the world. “With situations like these, the phrase, ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ does hold some weight, there are lessons to be learnt about yourself from a bad situation and you need the shadow to appreciate the light,” Lynn said.
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Essentially, surviving these dark moments and periods makes us a stronger version of ourselves as we build resilience. “Often you don’t appreciate these lessons when you are in the thick of it and it is only in hindsight that you can spot them. You may notice yourself emerge as a stronger person. It is useful to remember this to help get you through and also that any situation is temporary.”
First of, wherever things feel like they're slipping out of your hands, you gotta let them go. Calming down is key, and so is the realization not everything’s in your control. Tell that to your inner perfectionist!
Secondly, when you feel miserable, you really want to become your best friend. We tend to lose faith in our capabilities when we are faced with challenges. We also tend to put the blame on and even hate ourselves in crisis for being weak and not in control. Such behavior makes things much worse and we slowly turn into our own most brutal enemies.
