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Infidelity can completely break even some of the (seemingly) strongest couples. And yet, an affair doesn’t necessarily mean an end to love or your relationship.
Choosing Therapy states that relationships can actually survive infidelity. However, repairing your relationship will take lots of hard work and commitment. Not just from one person, but from both partners.
The first (and possibly obvious) step is for your partner to end the affair and cut off all contact with them. “The partner who was betrayed will have difficulty moving forward if they know their partner continues to see or communicate with the person they had an affair with.”
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Next comes the rebuilding of trust. In order for this to occur, several things need to happen:
- The cheating partner needs to be accountable and feel remorseful for the pain their affair has caused;
- Both partners need to have a strong motivation to work on their relationship;
- The couple needs to be incredibly honest about all the issues in their relationship, not just their affair;
- Communication has to improve;
- There needs to be space for forgiveness.
Some of the reasons why people might want to try to heal their relationship after an affair include things like time already invested, memories of past times, finances, the impact on their kids, and a feeling of responsibility to work out the problems.
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“Getting over being cheated on requires identifying and understanding, without accusing or blaming, what the issues are in your relationship. Reflecting on the truth of what happened and how it happened can help partners recognize and talk about the factors that contributed to the affair happening—while still acknowledging that the partner who cheated is wholly responsible for their choices and behaviors,” Choosing Therapy explains.
In some cases, it might be worth reaching out to a therapist for help. Couples counseling might help both partners understand what happened, why it happened, and then move on from the past.
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John Kim, LMFT, aka The Angry Therapist, explains in a piece on Psychology Today that if you want to take power back from your ex who cheated on you, then you need to humanize them. What they did might not be excusable, but they’re also “not a monster.” In some cases, the reasons for infidelity might have less to do with you and your relationship than with deeper issues that your partner is struggling with.
“Our actions stem from something deeper than what's on the surface. Infidelity then can be a form of running. Or hiding. Or coping,” Kim says.
“You were betrayed and a victim. He took something from you. Yes, that may be true. But if that is your mindset, it will always have power over you. To take the power back, you must deploy empathy, and you can't deploy empathy unless you understand. And to understand, you must humanize—him or her, but also you.”
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Potter has a sizeable following online. On TikTok, she boasts 14.3k followers and has garnered 1 million likes across all of her videos on the platform. Her clip, which inspired a lot of people to open up about their love life, was viewed 690k times and got over 2k comments. We’ve reached out to the content creator for comment, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from her.
This is a very sensitive topic, but if you feel like opening up, you can do so in the comments below. Have you ever been cheated on? How did you react? Have you ever gotten revenge against your ex for their infidelity? What is the most unhinged cheating revenge story that you’ve ever heard in your social circle?
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