When children are young, they might take every minor incident to heart and not realize the nuance behind the situation until they are much older. Unfortunately, this might lead them to blame themselves for something that is not even in their control.
This is what a teen felt after voicing her concerns about her stepmother to her uncle at her dad’s wedding, only to have him ruin the entire event by drinking heavily. She always felt that it was her fault that he had acted so crazily and caused her dad and new mom pain.
More info: Reddit
Children are very impressionable, and they might feel guilty or worried for causing problems for the adults in their lives, even if they didn’t have the power to do anything like that
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The poster explained that when her dad decided to get married to his new partner, she was against it as she didn’t want to share him, so she opened up to her uncle about her fears
Image credits: erstudio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The teen unburdened herself just before her dad’s wedding reception, which she felt might have been the cause behind her uncle drinking heavily and ruining the event
Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Later, the poster’s dad took her aside and told her that even though he was getting married, she and her brother would always come first, which made her feel better
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In an update, the poster opened up to her parents about her thoughts, and they reassured her that she wasn’t at fault for what happened and that her uncle was old enough to know better
The poster explained that when she was just 3 years old, her parents split up, and even though it was uncomfortable for them to be apart, she loved celebrating her birthday and events twice. Unfortunately, when her dad met his new partner, the girl absolutely hated her, as she felt that she’d have to share her father with another person.
According to therapists, children of divorced parents often wish for their loved ones to get back together again. They might always hold out hope that their guardians will reconcile regardless of the conflict that may have happened between them. That’s because the loss of their family system tends to lead to feelings of distress and insecurity.
This is exactly what the poster felt when her father started up a relationship with another woman. The teen felt that she was going to have to share her dad, and began hating her stepmother as a result. That’s why, on their wedding day, she began venting to her uncle about the situation, and he heard her out.
When children unburden themselves to adults, experts explain that it’s important for the older folks to validate their feelings. Rather than trying to offer solutions or jumping to make things better, it’s best to be a good listener and hear them out so they don’t feel so alone.
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After the poster voiced her concerns to her uncle, he also seemed to see her side of things and agree with her fears. Until then, he had not held any negative feelings toward his brother’s new bride, but hearing his niece’s worries might have changed his mind. That’s why when he became intoxicated and ruined the reception, the teen felt guilty that she had caused it all.
What made her feel even worse later was when her father had a heart-to-heart talk with her about what their life would look like now that he was married. He assured his daughter that even though he had a new wife, he would always put his kids first and that nothing could change their bond, which made her feel a lot better.
In situations like this where a person holds on to guilt for a long time, professionals advise focusing on those feelings and figuring out how you can move on in the future. A good way to deal with such emotions could be to seek counseling or make amends for the things that might be causing you to feel guilty.
This is what the teen eventually did since her dad’s ruined wedding was constantly in her thoughts. She decided to have an honest conversation with her father and stepmother about what happened, and she was pleasantly surprised when they didn’t blame her for it. They also reassured her of their love for her and said that her uncle’s choices weren’t her fault.
Do you think the poster’s oversharing at her dad’s wedding was really the cause behind the older man’s crazy behavior? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this matter.
Folks sided with the teen and told her that she wasn’t to blame for what her uncle did, and that he should have acted more sensibly
