Very often, when people open up about their problems or negative thoughts they have, the first instinct of the other person is to cheer them up, try to reassure them that everything will work out and that there are worse things that could happen. People who try to make the troubled person feel better don’t usually mean any harm, but they actually are forcing positivity on a person that can’t see the lighter side of the situation at that moment.
Dismissing negative emotions, trying to forcefully see something good in a terrible situation and trying to find false reassurances is called toxic positivity. It often becomes a way to respond to a distressful situation when you don’t know what else to say. But feeling the emotions that you’re having is important, regardless of whether they are positive or negative.
People in the subreddit AskWomen understand that and share some phrases they would consider to fall under the toxic positivity category and would like to stop hearing. What they would like to hear instead is compassion and well wishes.
More info: Reddit
#1
“It all made you stronger”
It rubs me the wrong way because it invalidates all the bulls**t I had to claw through. I made me stronger. Trauma made me weak, tired, and a repulsive version of myself. If I allowed that to control my life’s outcomes I would be in a dark ass place.
I put in the work. I made me strong. All that destroyed me.
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361points
#2
My grandma telling me that I have to put up with nasty family members “because they’re FaaaMilYYYYYyyyy”.
Gtfo, they are bad people and I’m not going to let them poison my life because we’re related.
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359points
#3
"You don't need medication for depression or anxiety. You just need to go outside and smile more!"
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297points
#4
When my husband passed away unexpectedly at age 50 (together 32 years) more than one person said to me " my divorce was like a death too". Nope, not even close.
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295points
#5
When my dad passed away, a lot of people told me 'he's in a better place.'
I know it's super common to say, but we're not religious in the slightest and we wanted him here, for f**k's sake.
284points
#6
"You'll change your mind" and every sentences I can hear when I tell people I don't want kids. That toxic mentality of women have to be mothers. I've realized at 12yo that I never want kids. 13 later, I still haven't changed my mind. My husband also doesn't want kids so at least we're on the same page.
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266points
#7
Everything happens for a reason or God never gives you more than you can handle.
227points
#8
Just don't think about it.
Thanks mom, sure my constant headaches will go away when I just don't think about it! A 12 year old shouldn't have headaches non-stop in the first place but whatever.
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203points
#9
Pretty much everything about using the power of prayer and positive thinking to attract good things to your life and protect you from negative experiences and outcomes. It's all victim-blaming bulls**t. Telling someone that they should simply put more effort into their positive thoughts/prayers and that they are attracting the negative things that are occurring in their lives is incredibly inappropriate and sh**ty.
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192points
#10
'you have it much better than other people'
Okay, I know that's true. But I hate it when people invalidate my experience without being in my shoes.
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189points
#11
‘You think that’s bad? Wait til you hear what happened to me - it’s worse!’
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187points
#12
I lost my first pregnancy earlier this year. It sucked massively and I fell into a depression. A close family member just kept trying to make me 'see the positive side of it'. It's been a while now but to this day, I see no frigging positive side of having lost my child. That, to me, was toxic positivity at its best.
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184points
#13
“At least he doesn’t hit you!” like wow I’m supposed to put up with allllllll the BS because he’s doing something he should?
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169points
#14
Different variations of "You can't have kids? Take mine for a day and you'll be happy you don't have one of your own! Kids suck lol" Yeah, you being a s***ty parent certainly makes me feel better about being infertile.
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153points
#15
In group therapy someone said that they're proud, they never got depressed, no matter what life threw at them. Because they're such a positive and strong person. With a person with depression sitting right next to them.
I am glad I don't have a tendency towards depression either. But I'm not proud of it, because it's a sickness you're prone to, or you aren't. It's not a weakness. And the fact that we're all sitting together in group therapy shows that we all have one or another unhealthy coping mechanism in place and so far, we weren't able to positive-think our way out of them.
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150points
#17
There's someone for everyone. You just need to believe and you will find love. No, there isn't and no, love isn't guaranteed.
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144points
#18
Someone told me I was “polluting” their space with “my sadness”. I asked them wtf they meant (because I wasn’t acting sad or even saying anything) and they said they could “feel” a “deep sadness” in me and that my presence itself was harmful. Like holy s**t talk about thought police
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142points
#20
“I just strive to be an honest person. I’m sorry if it hurt you”.
Some s**t should just not be said ok?
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135points