A mother shared her reaction to her 2-year-old daughter coming home from day care and announcing that she's Black.
Joy Mbakwe, an English teacher based in London, said she had never discussed race with her toddler and, until that moment, had never felt the need to.
"She said, 'Mommy's Black, daddy's Black, and I am Black,'" Joy recounted.
Highlights
- A 2-year-old girl surprised her mother by saying 'I'm Black' after daycare, though race had never been explicitly discussed at home.
- The mother, Joy Mbakwe, emphasized that being Black often feels defined in opposition to whiteness.
- Joy created an "explicit race curriculum" with children's books to "uplift" and "affirm" her daughter.
The mother said she was "surprised" because, although she had exposed her toddler to representative toys and stories, she had never explicitly told her daughter that she was Black.
"One of the reasons I've never said to her, 'You are Black,' is because if I was living in Nigeria and I had her, I would never say to her, 'You are Black.' We would just be Nigerian."
Image credits: Joy Mbakwe
Joy added that "sometimes, being Black feels in response to whiteness," a reality that she finds "uncomfortable."
The content creator said that white people don't explain to their children that they're white, so Black people shouldn't feel the need to have that conversation either.
Joy Mbakwe said she had never explicitly talked about race with her daughter, believing she was too young
Image credits: Joy Mbakwe
"These books are going to give me the opportunity to teach her, uplift her, affirm her, teach her that it's not OK to be colorblind, and that being Black is a beautiful thing."
Some of the titles she purchased include My Skin, Your Skin by Laura Henry-Allain and Young, Gifted, and Black by Jamia Wilson.
Image credits: Joy Mbakwe
Speaking with Newsweek, Joy shared that she later learned that an older child in her daughter's class may have introduced the term to her 2-year-old.
"I had not anticipated that we would have to explicitly speak to her about race until she was older," she explained.
"For her to be just two and describe herself as 'Black' was both saddening and shocking. Although we are proud to be Black, it is not without its consequences."
"For her to be just two and describe herself as 'Black' was both saddening and shocking," said the mom
Image credits: Joy Mbakwe
The mom shared that while some Black people in the diaspora find the term "empowering," Africans who migrate to the West often associate it with the negative stereotypes it carries.
A landmark study in 2005 showed that babies perceived differences in race and exhibited preferences for their own race as early as 3 months of age.
In a 2014 study, white children aged 10 thought that Black children of the same age would feel less pain than them if they bumped their heads or bit their tongues.
Image credits: Joy Mbakwe
Joy stressed the importance of authority figures —parents, and later, teachers—in teaching children about respect and equality, and in staying alert to address discriminatory behaviors.
"Nurseries absolutely have the responsibility to be culturally and racially sensitive, and radically inclusive in nature. However, I believe parents should lead the conversation first with their children," said the mom.
"It's a sensitive topic and I have to be careful that I am empowering my child as well as educating her."
Image credits: Joy Mbakwe
Joy's Instagram reel has garnered over 83,000 views and resonated with parents raising young children in multicultural environments. In the comments, many shared how they approach teaching their children about race.
"I'm a fan of tell them early," one mother wrote. "Blackness is definitely an experience that is in direct response to whiteness. Which is exactly why I've made it very clear to my children that they are Black and it is glorious, before it could be pointed out to them in a negative light."
Another agreed, saying, "Taking control of narratives for children before the world thrusts it upon them in a harmful/confusing way is so powerful."
Image credits: Joy Mbakwe
"My daughter is Indian, black and white! And she recently asked me why her Uncle Sam is black?! I didn't really know what to say," shared someone else. "We've spoken about our cultures but not our skin colour. I think these books will help her understand all sides of her mixed origin."
Joy believes that parents, more than school authorities, have the primary responsibility of teaching their children to be inclusive
Image credits: Joy Mbakwe
Image credits: Joy Mbakwe
A separate commenter said, "My son's three. He's mixed. A few months ago he started asking questions about his skin colour so we told him."
"I have a 6yo & 4yo and I have mentioned colour before mainly just that mum is African and dad is Scottish but not white/black," added an additional parent. "I'm currently in between having that conversation with them but I just feel so bad that I have to do that & also I don't want to other them."
Many parents commented on Joy's approach and shared their own experiences with discussing race with their children
