To My Future Love(r)
We are friends now, I know this because you have seen me live my life, how I’ve adapted to my environment. You’ve accepted me as I am, you can see the blue eyed girl beyond the wheelchair…you’ve made a choice, you’ve chosen me. Because we are friends know I can trust you with the next part — my heart.
I have had boyfriends, but I was walking then, so I don’t know how this works…as a lover will I be enough? That sounds awful and looks worse; however, I am a realist, I prefer to be informed… What are my options, what will I have to compromise, how alternative will I have to be? Will you ask this of me? Will I offer this to you? At times I feel so disconnected from my peers, practically everyone I’ve met has done it. One saving grace is that at least I don’t know what I am missing.
I do know this: if I choose to love you, I am all in. You may have to chase me, I may fight to give into you and let go of my independence — I hope you succeed, I am worth the fight.
My inexperience and less than perfect body make me feel self-conscious but with you I feel (if not more experienced as an older woman) like equals. I feel like a woman and not just a girl, I am not sexualized, others just don’t think of me or see me this way. I am a private person so I’m not going to put my sexed-up self on a platter to prove this to the people around me. As cliché as it sounds I have something special to offer, I’ve waited this long for someone I love, why throw it away now?
Love Always,
R
