The dreaded Tinder bio. Or, as we like to call it, the bane of your online dating experience. Its duty is to show off your personality without making you sound like an overconfident douchebag.
And if you’re like us, you’ve been pulling your hair out trying to come up with a funny bio that is creative enough to stand out from the crowd. It all adds up to one big headache that makes you want to throw your phone against the wall.
That said, you’ve probably noticed that most Tinder profiles are empty or full of cliches. That’s no surprise, though. People tend to lean on familiar tropes when writing about themselves. But then, swipe after swipe, your eyes finally catch on to something different — a profile that is just as funny and interesting as that sexy human it belongs to.
That’s what we’re talking about today. Tinder has a reputation as a hookup app, but trust us when we say it’s also an incredible source of pure comedy. The Tinderverse is full of clever people with beautiful faces who are all trying to do the same thing: get noticed, and some have done it incredibly well. So we engaged in a swiping marathon and found what we’re sure are the best Tinder bios ever.
These bios are so good they will put yours to shame. There’s probably no copyright on them, so feel free to blatantly steal these examples of dating profiles for yourself, take some rizz lines, and go find some lovely people. Or just use them as inspiration to create your own, you lazy bum. Enjoy!
#1 Family Dinners Hit Different
“Threesome? No thanks… If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I’d have dinner with my parents.”
Unknown
Report73points
#2 Mannequin Vibes Only
“I like long walks on the beach with my girlfriend, until the highness wears off and I realize I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Wendy’s parking lot.”
Unknown
Report67points
#3 I’m More Universal Than You Thought
"Last time I was someone’s type I was donating blood."
Unknown
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#4 Peak confidence energy
"If you're looking for a bad boy, look no further. I'm bad at everything."
Unknown
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#5 Relationship goals: duet edition
“The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergalicious and it’s at the part where she says, ‘I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness, he’s my witness,’ I can point to him and he’ll do the little, ‘wooOOH’ part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful because right after the wooOOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder than you think.”
Unknown
Report47points
#6 Priorities, Always Straight
“I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him if he’s going to eat the rest of that pizza.”
Unknown
Report46points
#7 Humble and Hunny
“Two reasons to date me:
1. Because you’d be the good-looking one
2. Please.”
1. Because you’d be the good-looking one
2. Please.”
Unknown
Report45points
#8 At Least I’m Consistent
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then leave because I don’t have a best. I’m always awful.”
Unknown
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#9 Well, that sank quickly
"Titanic.
...Sorry, that was a horrible ice breaker."
...Sorry, that was a horrible ice breaker."
Unknown
Report43points
#10 Chef of my own love story
“Current relationship status: Made dinner for two. Ate both.”
Unknown
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#11 Definitely not your average bio
“About:
English
Terrible comedian
6ft – perfect big spoon
Uncle
Good cook
Animal Lover
Winner of a beauty contest in Monopoly
Owner of car
Good whistler
Gym goer
Spider killer
Disney World regular
Best hair where I work
Two dogs in a human costume
Terrible comedian
6ft – perfect big spoon
Uncle
Good cook
Animal Lover
Winner of a beauty contest in Monopoly
Owner of car
Good whistler
Gym goer
Spider killer
Disney World regular
Best hair where I work
Two dogs in a human costume
Reviews:
5 Stars: ‘A perfect gentleman’ – Anonymous Tinder woman
5 Stars: ‘Made 50 Shades of Grey seem as tame as the Teletubbies’ – Anonymous Tinder woman
1 Star: ‘Stop asking me for a review you weirdo’ – Anonymous Tinder woman
5 Stars: ‘So sweet’ – Mark’s mum.”
5 Stars: ‘Made 50 Shades of Grey seem as tame as the Teletubbies’ – Anonymous Tinder woman
1 Star: ‘Stop asking me for a review you weirdo’ – Anonymous Tinder woman
5 Stars: ‘So sweet’ – Mark’s mum.”
Unknown
Report42points
#12 Shower Concerts Need Backup Vocalists
“Professional bathroom singer. Seeking a duet partner.”
Unknown
Report42points
#13 Just a Regular Guy with Pizza and Dogs
“Hello Ladies,
Look at the last guy you matched, now back to me, now back to the last guy you matched, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me but if he stopped leaving his bio blank and had better pictures, he could be like me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on Tinder with the man of your dreams. What’s in your hand, back to me. I have it. It’s a pizza with your favorite toppings on it. Look again, the pizza is now your favorite dog. Anything’s possible when you match me on Tinder.”
Look at the last guy you matched, now back to me, now back to the last guy you matched, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me but if he stopped leaving his bio blank and had better pictures, he could be like me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on Tinder with the man of your dreams. What’s in your hand, back to me. I have it. It’s a pizza with your favorite toppings on it. Look again, the pizza is now your favorite dog. Anything’s possible when you match me on Tinder.”
Unknown
Report36points
#14 Save me from another mom-themed party
“For the love of God, someone please date me so I can stop taking my mom to costume parties.”
Unknown
Report36points
#15 Mood: Self-Defense Meets Social Anxiety
“I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder, so I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people.”
Unknown
Report34points
#16 History’s worst leak, but make it vintage
"On the topic of nude photos I'd like to remind you of a little story; In 1912 a girl had a nude photo drawn in a sketch book by a random guy that no one's ever heard of. The drawing gets locked in a safe, on a boat. The boat sinks. And her nude photo still ends up on TV 84 years later.
So no, I will not be sending nudes. No one is safe."
So no, I will not be sending nudes. No one is safe."
Unknown
Report34points
#17 Cute Threat Level: Expert
“On our first date, I will carve our initials into a tree. It’s the most romantic way of letting you know I have a knife.”
Unknown
Report33points
#18 Plot Twist: Tamagotchis > Dates
"Married. Couple of kids. Looking for some side action. Just kidding. Single. 3 Tamagotchis. Looking for someone to take to family events so they’ll stop thinking something’s wrong with me.”
Unknown
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#19 Dating Profile or Comic Book Pitch?
“I’m looking for a girl who is super mean. She also has to be really clingy and jealous. I prefer women who talk a lot about their ex and a love for da bootyliciousness. In my free time, I like to take off my shirt and take selfies. I’m super in shape thanks to my strict diet of Mountain Dew and Twizzlers. We’re a Twizzler family, Red Vines have no place in my home. I work nights fighting crime. I’m not saying I’m Batman but I am saying no one has seen the Riddler in Austin, Texas.”
Unknown
Report32points
#20 Still waiting for that unicorn, huh?
"If you’re looking for someone with common sense, patience, and intelligence… Keep looking."
Unknown
Report32points