Where do I start. I can explain to people online no problem as it’s not face to face. But in person I can’t. I don’t have any official diagnosis but I’m 99% certain I have anxiety. When I was a child I lived in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours or friends. When I went to secondary school, I had to have 3/4 years off for hospital and operation and recovery, being in ITU for three weeks being awake and unable to take. Then recovering at home no no friends. Once I was back as school, I never really clicked with any group so kept myself to myself.
I also have a facial disfigurement which attracts a lot of attention meaning I try and not go out anywhere as I hate the stares. (I’ve been asked if it’s contagious, called the hulk, asked to leave a shop my another customer as I was scaring her 18 years daughter(who was off to uni I discovered when the daughter apologised for her mother) I will add one of the nicest experience I’ve had was a clothes shop in Glasgow where I was treated as normal which I never get this was one cool young uni student serving it was so nice I’ve never had service like it before or since.
I can’t talk to people easily, and I don’t know how to keep conversations going or start them, with all the issues with school means I don’t have any “friends” offline. Well one but not one I can trust enough to share this without the risk of them thinking I’m crazy (maybe not the best term) and then spreading it around everywhere, also never having a relationship/girlfriend has not helped at all.
With work I have to talk customers everyday who don’t know how to use computers.
I have a few health issues kyphoscoliosis and neurofibromatosis no one understand the latter one those with it do but apart from that I can explain it in words with the NF I have a large growth (plexiform official term) on my face which is full of blood vessels and can get very hot for no reason which is when my temper and mood changes.
I have lost all interest in work over the past few weeks and months.
There are some days I just want to hide away and cry and what my life has become.
I have been living with this for years and know I’m getting worse I just don’t know where to go from here.
I know I need to see my doctor but I just feel I can’t talk face to face about this but semi-anon online no problem at all.
Lost
