"Will Not Be Forgotten”: 30 Things Women Had To Forgive For The Sake Of Their Marriage

To learn more about how important forgiveness is in relationships, we reached out to UK-based Dating and Relationships Coach Rachel New, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda.

"Forgiveness is one of those words that no one defines!" the expert shared. "It means very different things to different people. For some, it means moving on, for others forgetting – which is impossible to do."

"A good definition is 'giving up the right to bear a grudge,' which means you don’t bring it up in future arguments or make your partner feel bad about it, but you can still say, 'This triggers memories of when you did x, even though I know we worked through it at the time.' So don’t put pressure on yourself to forgive without thinking through what it means," Rachel explained.

Rachel also says that understanding might be a healthier first response than immediately jumping to forgiveness. "You need to understand why they behaved that way, what’s important to them in that situation, what needs were met through the behavior," she explained.

"If they don’t have insight into this, you might request they get some support for that, so they don’t repeat the behavior," she added. "Maybe it’s linked to a mental health issue or disability or neurodivergent trait that they can’t change or that's beyond their current capacity to change. And then they need to hear your needs and what’s important to you in the situation, and you need to feel fully heard."

"Don’t be too quick to say, 'I forgive you,' and don’t feel under pressure to forgive just because your partner asks you for forgiveness," Rachel continued. "Unless you’ve fully processed it, you’ll just bury your feelings, and there will be resentment or insecurity."

"The partner who has wronged must take time to fully acknowledge how they have hurt their partner and how they feel about that," the expert says. "They need to acknowledge what’s important to their partner. In the example of folding the laundry, the partner needs to recognize what having clothes that aren’t creased represents. This is not a quick fix."

Rachel also shared some wise words about how to know if we're sacrificing too much for our partner. "A good way to approach things is to say, 'How can we balance both our sets of needs?' You don’t want to sacrifice your mental health or too much of your capacity or to repress your needs or emotions," she explained.

"The word 'sacrifice' frames the issue negatively – as a loss rather than a gain," the expert continued. "We have to ask, 'Do I have the capacity to do this in the long-term?' If it’s a behavior change, that is more than a one-off."

If you'd like to hear more advice from Rachel or seek guidance about your own relationship, be sure to visit her website right here!