#1
Respect is more important than love in a marriage.
People can fall out of love but they can still be together and they can fall back in again
But once respect is lost,your marriage is just a corpse which you are dragging while trying to ignore the smell .
People can fall out of love but they can still be together and they can fall back in again
But once respect is lost,your marriage is just a corpse which you are dragging while trying to ignore the smell .
16points
#2
Make sure you genuinely like talking to her and just being with her. She should be your best friend. If you got that there isn't anything else to know.
11points
#3
Do not give up your financial independence, ever! This is such an important one, there are girls who dream of the day they can be SAHM and not have to deal with work and mean bosses. They become totally dependent on their husbands income, losing their own.
Then if anything goes wrong, they do not have the means to leave, so they become stuck in a relationship they no longer want to be in.
Oh the men love that, they can be lazy and mean, knowing you cant leave.
Yeah, dont be like me, keep your career, remain independent.
Then if anything goes wrong, they do not have the means to leave, so they become stuck in a relationship they no longer want to be in.
Oh the men love that, they can be lazy and mean, knowing you cant leave.
Yeah, dont be like me, keep your career, remain independent.
11points
We all want positive and healthy relationships. But that requires knowing which people to invest your time and energy, and who is not worth the trouble. In short, you need to be able to recognize people’s green and red flags. To be clear, nobody is ‘perfect,’ and everyone has strengths and weaknesses. But you need to be honest with yourself about what qualities you’re looking for and what behaviors push you away.
Some of the biggest green flags that indicate that someone is likely a great match for you are if they trust you, maintain boundaries, communicate well, actually enjoy spending time with you, and are grateful for you, Verywell Mind emphasizes.
Naturally, you have to match their energy and have similar positive qualities—you can’t just pile all the hard relationship work only on their shoulders.
#4
If you wouldn't pick them to be your non-romantic roommate (sloppy, dirty, lazy, inconsiderate, selfish, etc.), don't make them your life partner. Like if
they always throw their socks on the floor, leave the dishes overnight and say "you didn't tell me you needed help, if you tell me, I'll do it" nothing will change after marriage. Find someone who actually shares life's burdens and makes them easier for you.
Too many of my friends have married adult children that don't make their lives easier, but harder.
How they manage conflict now is how they will manage it later.
Don't just choose the trauma/weakness you grew up with and are most comfortable with - and don't go the opposite and go too far the other direction.
Also...if you're a woman and in a heterosexual relationship, really reflect on your upbringing. So many of us are socialized to be used by men as they "can't do things we can" - which leaves us saddled with mental labour, child rearing, household management, a total unequal load because that's how we were raised and how our parents were.
Women no longer NEED husbands to survive in society. We work, we earn, we have our own lives that have value. We can get a credit card in our own name these days. There is zero reason for you to be caring for an adult male in 2026. .
they always throw their socks on the floor, leave the dishes overnight and say "you didn't tell me you needed help, if you tell me, I'll do it" nothing will change after marriage. Find someone who actually shares life's burdens and makes them easier for you.
Too many of my friends have married adult children that don't make their lives easier, but harder.
How they manage conflict now is how they will manage it later.
Don't just choose the trauma/weakness you grew up with and are most comfortable with - and don't go the opposite and go too far the other direction.
Also...if you're a woman and in a heterosexual relationship, really reflect on your upbringing. So many of us are socialized to be used by men as they "can't do things we can" - which leaves us saddled with mental labour, child rearing, household management, a total unequal load because that's how we were raised and how our parents were.
Women no longer NEED husbands to survive in society. We work, we earn, we have our own lives that have value. We can get a credit card in our own name these days. There is zero reason for you to be caring for an adult male in 2026. .
10points
#5
If you fight loudly with your partner, it's not normal don't get married.
If your partner makes you feel bad often, don't get married.
If you make your partner mad or feel bad often, don't get married.
Love alone isn't a good reason to get married.
If you can't tell your partner absolutely anything without fear or worry, don't get married.
If you hide things from your partner or visa versa, don't get married.
Etc.
If your partner makes you feel bad often, don't get married.
If you make your partner mad or feel bad often, don't get married.
Love alone isn't a good reason to get married.
If you can't tell your partner absolutely anything without fear or worry, don't get married.
If you hide things from your partner or visa versa, don't get married.
Etc.
9points
#6
Think about what the traditional marriage vow "for better or for worse" really means.
Consider the case of Christopher Reeve (actor who played Superman in movies in 1970s and 80s) and his wife Dana Reeve. He had an accident in 1995 that left him paralyzed from the neck down.
Do you love someone so much that, if they were paralyzed from the neck down, and would remain so for the rest of their life, you would stay married and continue to support them?
Do you TRUST someone so much that, if YOU became paralyzed from the neck down, and would remain so for the rest of your life, you believe they would remain and support you?
Admittedly, that's a pretty unlikely scenario. But it is plausible (it happened to them after all). Thankfully, it's rare that such an extreme test of commitment comes into play.
Even if life (mercifully) doesn't throw that particular test at you, life WILL throw challenges and trials at you both. Life and experience change people over time. As the years pass, neither of you will remain exactly the same people that you were when you first got married. It helps if you try to go through your changes together (this doesn't mean you both change in exactly the same way - just that your changes and their changes still "work" for each other in the marriage).
If you can imagine your loved one going through an extreme trial (suffering chemo through a rough cancer battle, or learning your child has a serious medical condition and likely won't make it to adulthood, maybe she is emotionally traumatized after a miscarriage) and ask yourself if you can be strong enough to support them through it. Imagine yourself undergoing such a trial, and ask yourself if you trust them to have your back.
Because if you can handle those kinds of trials, you can handle all the other stuff.
If your response to such trials is to get out as soon as you can, marriage is not for you.
Consider the case of Christopher Reeve (actor who played Superman in movies in 1970s and 80s) and his wife Dana Reeve. He had an accident in 1995 that left him paralyzed from the neck down.
Do you love someone so much that, if they were paralyzed from the neck down, and would remain so for the rest of their life, you would stay married and continue to support them?
Do you TRUST someone so much that, if YOU became paralyzed from the neck down, and would remain so for the rest of your life, you believe they would remain and support you?
Admittedly, that's a pretty unlikely scenario. But it is plausible (it happened to them after all). Thankfully, it's rare that such an extreme test of commitment comes into play.
Even if life (mercifully) doesn't throw that particular test at you, life WILL throw challenges and trials at you both. Life and experience change people over time. As the years pass, neither of you will remain exactly the same people that you were when you first got married. It helps if you try to go through your changes together (this doesn't mean you both change in exactly the same way - just that your changes and their changes still "work" for each other in the marriage).
If you can imagine your loved one going through an extreme trial (suffering chemo through a rough cancer battle, or learning your child has a serious medical condition and likely won't make it to adulthood, maybe she is emotionally traumatized after a miscarriage) and ask yourself if you can be strong enough to support them through it. Imagine yourself undergoing such a trial, and ask yourself if you trust them to have your back.
Because if you can handle those kinds of trials, you can handle all the other stuff.
If your response to such trials is to get out as soon as you can, marriage is not for you.
9points
Boundaries are especially vital.
“Boundaries help define who you are, determine what behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable to you, and teach other people how to treat you. Communicating boundaries, needs, and desires with courage and clarity in a relationship and respecting the boundaries of others and your own is a green flag in relationships,” psychotherapist and coach Ivy Kwong, LMFT, told Verywell Mind.
Meanwhile, Marriage.com stresses that some of the most important traits to look for in a potential marriage partner include good communication, respect for you, faithfulness, forgiveness, and the same values and beliefs.
“Having conversations about each other’s values and beliefs is crucial before saying ‘I do.’ While love calls for compromise at times, you don’t want to go into a relationship with someone who does not share the same beliefs and values in life. Marriage can be challenging, and having something you believe in and value can keep you grounded. [...] While you may not always agree, you need to respect each other’s values and beliefs before committing to spending your lives together.”
#7
Do what you can to find/maintain your own identity. What that looks like will change in seasons of life, but always carve out some time for it. Go on a hike, read books, play video games, make time for friends, whatever the heck it is that makes you feel most you needs to always be made a priority. It’ll make everything else fall in to place.
9points
#8
If you have a concept of "that's women's work" for chores, changing diapers, etc., go take it out back, shoot it, burn it, bury it, put a landmine over it, and *nevereverever* dig it up again. Just do the work.
You will be head and shoulders over plenty of husbands your wife's friends have and your wife will be so glad she's landed herself "a good one" for doing what is frankly the bare minimum.
If you *don't*, you're going to wonder why your wife hates your guts.
Also, communication good, dumdum.
You will be head and shoulders over plenty of husbands your wife's friends have and your wife will be so glad she's landed herself "a good one" for doing what is frankly the bare minimum.
If you *don't*, you're going to wonder why your wife hates your guts.
Also, communication good, dumdum.
8points
#9
The infatuation stage will wane for both you and your partner at some point. Once that happens, marriage is about doing the work and being committed to your partner. There will be times where one or both of you are tested in ways that neither expect.
8points
What advice would you give anyone who is considering marriage? What should they consider before they take the big step and commit to someone at the altar?
What are some of the biggest relationship red flags that you’ve unfortunately had to deal with? On the flip side, what are the green flags that you value the most in your significant other?
Let us know.
#10
You can never, ever fully know a person. Don’t ever feel that something is impossible because you think you know your partner too well.
8points
#11
Don’t allow outside influence into your marriage. People have a habit of trying to interfere or make you do things. So long as you and your partner are on the same page, no one else’s opinion matters. .
8points
#12
If you think about the most annoying habit your spouse has and you don’t absolutely loose your mind over it, you’ll be fine. Just respect each other, the little things matter.
7points
#13
Are you getting married because you’re comfortable and you don’t want to start over? Or are you getting married because you cannot imagine living the rest of your life without this person?
I was engaged to someone else before I met my wife. I didn’t realize I was just going along with the motions until I met my wife. My ex fiancée was great and our families got along very well… She was always talking about marriage being the next step so I went with it.
The breakup was hard for all of us. But Im glad I didn’t settle. No one should.
I was engaged to someone else before I met my wife. I didn’t realize I was just going along with the motions until I met my wife. My ex fiancée was great and our families got along very well… She was always talking about marriage being the next step so I went with it.
The breakup was hard for all of us. But Im glad I didn’t settle. No one should.
7points
#14
-Whether your partner wants to have kids
-How you and partner plan to handle finances
That's two, but it's insane how many people get married without discussing these fundamental things that will affect your entire life and marriage.
-How you and partner plan to handle finances
That's two, but it's insane how many people get married without discussing these fundamental things that will affect your entire life and marriage.
6points
#15
Pre-marriage counseling is very good. The counselor will address the issues that should be discussed to determine compatibility. Do this.
Take personality tests like Myers-Briggs and Strength Finder. These are not perfect, but 5 help articulate how each person operates and initiate discussion topics.
- Religious beliefs should be aligned, including how you will introduce your children to faith or the lack thereof.
- You marry into a family. You need to understand the dynamics. This will also provide insight into the environment your potential spouse was raised in.
- Children. This is a huge topic. Do you want them, how many, parenting styles, etc.
- Intimacy compatibility. Many people are very unhappy with mismatched libidos. You need to be together long enough for the honeymoon phase to wear off- this stage is deceptive. It is a terrible place to be with someone you love and care for but cannot have consistent intimacy.
- Finances, careers, and retirement. Spending and saving differences are regular issues.
- How do you spend your free time? Together or separate? Relaxing or active? Planned or go-with-the-flow?
These are a few areas, but counseling can guide you far better.
Oh, and you can have a prenup that the government controls and can change whenever, or you can create your own.
Take personality tests like Myers-Briggs and Strength Finder. These are not perfect, but 5 help articulate how each person operates and initiate discussion topics.
- Religious beliefs should be aligned, including how you will introduce your children to faith or the lack thereof.
- You marry into a family. You need to understand the dynamics. This will also provide insight into the environment your potential spouse was raised in.
- Children. This is a huge topic. Do you want them, how many, parenting styles, etc.
- Intimacy compatibility. Many people are very unhappy with mismatched libidos. You need to be together long enough for the honeymoon phase to wear off- this stage is deceptive. It is a terrible place to be with someone you love and care for but cannot have consistent intimacy.
- Finances, careers, and retirement. Spending and saving differences are regular issues.
- How do you spend your free time? Together or separate? Relaxing or active? Planned or go-with-the-flow?
These are a few areas, but counseling can guide you far better.
Oh, and you can have a prenup that the government controls and can change whenever, or you can create your own.
6points
#16
If you argue to resolve, that's healthy. If you both argue to win, you both lose.
6points
#17
Before you marry someone, ask yourself, can I be stuck in an airport with this person for 12 hours and still enjoy their company?
Because life isn’t always romantic dinners and vacations, it's lost luggage, flat tires, bills, dishes, stress, and long days.
Marry someone who makes even the boring parts of life feel okay. Bonus points if they know your coffee order and how to make you laugh when you're mad.
Because life isn’t always romantic dinners and vacations, it's lost luggage, flat tires, bills, dishes, stress, and long days.
Marry someone who makes even the boring parts of life feel okay. Bonus points if they know your coffee order and how to make you laugh when you're mad.
6points
#18
Marriage should never be looked at as man vs wife. It should always be us against the world. You should be looking to "get one over" on your wife, or trick her or any of that.
Your marriage should be a space that is comfortable. Spending time with my wife is a stress reliever.
There are too many other problems we need to overcome. It is so much easier to do it together than fight each other.
Your marriage should be a space that is comfortable. Spending time with my wife is a stress reliever.
There are too many other problems we need to overcome. It is so much easier to do it together than fight each other.
6points
#19
Talk about EVERYTHING. Don't assume you're on the same page about the future, finances, kids, etc. Talk talk talk!
6points
#20
Beauty is temporary. While attraction is important initially, the grass is always greener. Marry your best friend, it will make life much more enjoyable. You still have to stand the person in 50 years.
Relationships take effort and rely heavily on trust. Don’t get too op comfortable, keep working on that relationship. The dating never stops, or the marriage will too.
You are a team. It is both of you vs the problem. Work together to solve it.
Relationships take effort and rely heavily on trust. Don’t get too op comfortable, keep working on that relationship. The dating never stops, or the marriage will too.
You are a team. It is both of you vs the problem. Work together to solve it.
6points