People Are Sharing The Things Those "Without Siblings Will Never Understand" And Here're 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones

To find out more about the complex workings of sibling relationships and in what ways they influence our lives, Bored Panda reached out to Helen Marlo, a licensed clinical psychologist and Jungian Psychoanalyst, certified through the C.G. Jung Institute of San Francisco. Helen is also a tenured Professor of Clinical Psychology at Notre Dame de Namur University where she is the Department Chair.

“Research, as well as my professional and personal experience, confirms that sibling relationships exert a powerful influence on one’s life and development,” Helen told us. “So, the presence or absence of siblings is significant in shaping one’s experience although one is not necessarily better or worse. They are different.”

Helen explained that while we know siblings are influential, the effect of growing up with a sibling is not linear because the sibling relationship is complex. “Some siblings become best friends while others are arch enemies. Some people are fulfilled by having siblings while others find fulfillment as only children. Their life experiences, however, are different,” the clinical psychologist explained.

Moreover, Helen argues that findings that generalize about siblings can be misleading. “For example, findings on the influence of birth order or recent research asserting that sibling relationships are more important than parent relationships. Often, these findings do not also acknowledge the influence of other important variables, including psychological, family, systemic, developmental, environmental, and cultural factors that mediate the influence of the sibling relationship,” she said.

Helen continued by saying that this explains why such findings do not fit for many people. “Take sibling conflict. It is not necessarily negative. Parental warmth during sibling conflict, for example, influences if the sibling conflict leads to healthy rather than divisive sibling relationships. It can help prepare one to develop problem solving and negotiation skills.”

The clinical psychologist also noted that “while generalizations do not fit for many sibling relationships, growing up with siblings generally is accompanied by having a stronger sense of being part of a family and with feeling less alienated and alone.”

Helen argues that siblings have a daily influence in our lives. “Therefore, [siblings] can be associated with many strong emotional memories including sharing together in the traditions, joys, secrets, and challenges in family life,” she explained. What’s interesting is that although siblings encounter the same experiences, they experience them in their own unique way and these can be sources of challenge and connection.

According to Helen, another way having siblings may influence you is that starting one’s own family and having a child can feel more familiar, known and natural when one has siblings.

The clinical psychologist who grew up in a large family herself also said that there are a lot of things her fellow siblings fostered in her. “Personally, having siblings has fostered in me a sense of connection and security; empathy; acceptance; compromise; tolerance; an appreciation of diversity; and having a greater focus on and understanding of others,” she explained.

When asked what’s unique about sibling relationships, Helen said that they’re unique because “they share together, with one another, in one of life’s most important relationships, the parent relationship, for better and for worse.” It turns out that “sharing in this relationship can readily elicit complex, myriad feelings such as competition, jealousy, intimacy, inferiority, superiority, and resentment. Siblings face issues related to the sharing and division of parental resources both material and psychological.”

There are many more ways in which sibling relationships are unique, Helen argues. “Sibling relationships are unique because they occupy a distinct and different role relative to parents and other family members, even in cases when the sibling serves as a parent figure. Sibling relationships are unique because sibling roles are more fluid than the parental role and can include elements of being both family and friend.”

Ultimately, siblings have a different function in the family than the parents. “For example, siblings support separation and independence from the parents and family; they share in a lived, joint history and experience of their family life, even if their experiences differ; they directly shape the experience of daily family life; they are uniquely able to help their siblings understand dimensions of their family life; and siblings help socialize their siblings in ways that parents cannot,” Helen concluded.