The internet is full of happy, wholesome content about parenting and family life – from cake smash photoshoots and childhood photos to constructive parenting tips. Just as important as celebrating the positive, however, is learning from and and understanding the negative. When one Redditor asked people to share things they’d never forgive their parents for, the comment section served as a place of group catharsis where people could get traumas large and small off their chests and console one another.
We must warn you that some of the topics touch on potentially triggering memories of sexual assault, violence or substance abuse. If you enjoyed a relatively stable upbringing, some of these comments may help put the turbulence you did encounter (because haven’t we all) into a broader perspective. If your upbringing left you deeply scarred, then you may recognize parts of your own life in these terrible situations and find solace and solidarity. All of these people survived, and some of them are even thriving – despite it all.
#1
Mine is heavy but I’ll be honest, my mother was a prostitute when I was a child. When I turned 4 and my sister was 5 she decided she wanted to earn even better money by pimping out her kids, us. This was a part of my life for a few years until I went into foster care. I’m a grown adult and I accept what happened in my childhood and I’ve done the work to heal. But I’ll never forgive her. Some things are unforgivable.
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292points
#2
Close to Christmas when I was around 10/11 years old, I was home alone when there was a knock on the door. I answered and it was one of my mum's acquaintances.
He told me that he'd spoken to my mum and needed to come in to pick some stuff up, so off he went upstairs and proceeded to steal all of the Christmas presents that were destined to be placed under the tree for my brother, sister and I on Christmas morning.
I was oblivious to what the stuff that needed to be picked up was.
Mum comes home 30 minutes later, asks if anybody came round whilst she was out.
Proud as punch I say "yup, Craig came round and picked the stuff up you told him about".
"YOU LET HIM IN THE HOUSE?!?"
*oh c**p*
Mum runs upstairs....
"he's stolen all of your Christmas presents, you'll have nothing for Christmas now!"
High drama, anger and profound guilt filled the entire house for the remainder of the night and a while after.
About 6 months later I overheard a conversation I shouldn't have and figured out that there were no Christmas presents to start with, the whole thing was a setup.
The household budget didn't stretch to maintaining existence, sating a rampaging heroin addiction AND Christmas presents.
So yeah, my mum concocted a perfect plan to hide the lack of Christmas presents, remove herself from any perceived blame and let a 10 year old boy think that he had ruined Christmas.
Those were the days!
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279points
#3
My mom letting my stepfather beat me almost unconscious and now denying 15 years of abuse on me and my brother. We were really affected when we realised that she will never apologise or even accept that it was also her fault for not doing anything about it.
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193points
Now more than ever, people are becoming more comfortable with discussing mental health and trauma online. This is a wonderfully positive development for our mental and emotional wellbeing, but we can sometimes forget to consider the events that can make people have to deal with these issues in the first place.
#4
Abandoned my dog and [unalived] my rat with a brick.
My rat was old and dying, I wanted desperately for my mum to take him to the vets to be euthanized in the most painless way possible. She was too lazy (We have access to free veterinary care in the UK for families on benefits, so there was no excuse). She used a brick to [unalive] him...
Then my dog, he was a former fighting dog my auntie had rescued and given to us. My mum couldn't handle his antisocial behaviour. He never attacked anyone, but he was easily spooked and only really got along with me. One day, while I was at school she dumped him and I don't even know where. He was a good and emotionally sensitive dog that deserved a home.
This stuff paired with the fact she was an abusive person, who hit me and my siblings almost daily, is the reason I haven't spoken to her in 4+ years and don't intend on doing so ever again.
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187points
#5
I was 10 years old. I was given to a 34 year old man to be his third wife. My parents were so happy because it was a great "honour" to them that I was chosen out of all of the girls there to be with the man that was second in charge.
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179points
Parenthood is hard, but that’s no excuse for any of the stories described here. The majority of these are child abuse through and through, and those that aren’t may still have damaged the children who experienced them forever.
#7
I was sexually abused by my grandfather constantly for years. Its one of my earliest memories.
Later in life I found out that he did something to my older brother before I was even born. They stayed away from him briefly after that but then carried on as if nothing happened because they didn't want to cause an issue.
Later in life I found out that he did something to my older brother before I was even born. They stayed away from him briefly after that but then carried on as if nothing happened because they didn't want to cause an issue.
Edit: I want to thank everyone who has commented. I cant describe how much it has meant for me to recieve so much love and care.
I feel very alone most of the time so I'm going to remind myself that this proves that there are caring people out there.
❤️
I feel very alone most of the time so I'm going to remind myself that this proves that there are caring people out there.
❤️
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157points
#8
not allowing me enough social freedom. Im gonna be 18 soon and i have no friends because i wasnt allowed to attend most social events. planning to go far away from for college to change this.
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149points
#9
My mum sold my dog while I was at work. When I came home and was looking for them she told me that someone came to see him today and that they loved and took him.He went to a good home, but I never got to even say goodbye.
Edit: Appreciate all the love. After reading all your stories, I can say that I am unhappy that I am not alone in this
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143points
The first step to healing the trauma from events like these is often to simply accept the trauma in the first place - accept that you’re not OK, that you’re hurt, and that you need help. The often-advised next step is to seek out professional help, but if someone is unwilling or unable to do so, here are a few steps to get started with healing your own trauma and improving your mental health.
#10
They beat the s**t out of me. Sent me to school with bruises. Threatened to have my sister's split from me if I ever told anyone what they did to us. Now my bio mom tries to guilt trip my sister's into convincing me to let her and her s****y husband back in my life.
Aside from that they also [hurt] our dog, poisoned my squirrel and cut my sister's guinea pigs head off.
But I'm the unhinged and unstable person.
Some people should never have children.
143points
#11
Uhhhh lemme think for a second…
- my mom being proud to break a brand new wooden spoon by spanking me
- both of them forcing me to clear the plate no matter what was on it, if I liked it or not, if I was full or not. Lost the ability to feel if I’m full…
- both of them insult me (stuff like “you’re too stupid to take a s**t” if I made minor mistakes, for example dropped something while eating)
- my father SAing me
- my mother saying she would get a divorce after I told her but she never did until she died
- my fathers attempt to strangle me on the day I moved out
- both of them forcing me to clear the plate no matter what was on it, if I liked it or not, if I was full or not. Lost the ability to feel if I’m full…
- both of them insult me (stuff like “you’re too stupid to take a s**t” if I made minor mistakes, for example dropped something while eating)
- my father SAing me
- my mother saying she would get a divorce after I told her but she never did until she died
- my fathers attempt to strangle me on the day I moved out
Yeah… that’s about it
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127points
#12
My dad tried to commit suicide when I was a baby. That alone is bad enough but he tried to take me with him. My grandfather came to the house and basically told him "If you give up on life, that's your choice, but you aren't taking my grandson with you!"
I miss you, grandpa.
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126points
One strategy is to make an effort to observe yourself and take note of any emotional overreactions you exhibit throughout your day. Critical self-analysis may help reveal that these overreactions point to unresolved issues caused by your trauma. This step can work well together with professional help, as it will give you meaningful information to pass on to your therapist.
#13
After 10 years of promising me the house in exchange for living and taking care of them. Mom decided after a fight to give half the house to the man who tried to [unalive] me in my own home - my brother.
B***h still doesn't understand why my wife and kids moved 300k away from her and that psychopath.
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121points
#14
Ignoring my obvious ADHD in spite of the fact that they were aware of how much I struggled. I got good grades and wasn't hyper, so it didn't matter!
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99points
#15
Kicking me out the day after my 18th birthday because I turned 18. And now constantly calling me a failure for not finishing college (had to drop out because I couldn’t afford that/rent/transportation anymore) and telling me to do better
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94points
Another good tip is to do some research on whatever events you think may have been traumatic for you. If possible, check in with participants or third parties that may have been present or that may have otherwise known about what you went through.
#16
They made me drop every single hobby I got into because studying came first. I learned to hide my enthusiasm from them because of this. Even today I never show how excited I am for something I do or buy. I feel like I am unable to enjoy things to the fullest because of it.
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93points
#17
Probably that I ended up being the mediator between my mom and dad as they went through a divorce and one side was being frustrating to communicate with than the other.
So I in part had to act as a go between information and nagging them to communicate for stuff like medical bills and insurance and school payment stuff from 7-15 or so.
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89points
#18
For breaking each and every promise they made, and trying to control me like a puppet. Otherwise they're good tho
81points
A difficult but important step is also to embrace the pain. For many, coping with the pain and grief of trauma involves hiding or repressing it in some way. This manifests itself differently in every person, but it can involve substance abuse or other types of addictions. Most therapists agree that a key aspect of dealing with trauma is embracing and feeling the pain of that trauma. Crying is OK.
#19
He held a knife to my 12 year old brothers throat and threatened to [unalive] him. Abandoned multiple family dogs on the side of the road. Abuse of each other in front of me. She put her fist through the China cabinet in front of me. Blood everywhere. I was 5. I moved across the country. He is now gone, and I have no contact with her.
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79points
