#1
This was my best friend of 20 years. Someone I answered the phone for any time of night, poured so much emotional labor into, traveled every year to see when she lived out of state. I learned that death will often bring a ripple of secondary losses- she was one of those losses and I’m still processing it.
#2
#3
True friendship is reciprocal. Your real friends respect you and your boundaries just like you respect theirs. They help you out instead of always asking for favors while avoiding doing anything for you in return. They have your back when you need it, while also being honest with you if you make mistakes instead of staying quiet. They’re vulnerable and authentic around you. And they proactively invest in your friendship instead of putting it on the back burner.
To put it simply, real friendship is about being partners and equals. Of course, the nature of your friendship will change over time. There are bound to be plenty of ups and downs in your relationship over the years. Anyone who’s had long-term friends knows this. These challenges can either strengthen your bond or prove to you that your friendship wasn’t all that you thought it was.
Whatever the case might be, it’s always a good thing to periodically reevaluate your relationships and reprioritize who you’d ideally like to spend more time with. Who lifts you up and energizes you after you meet up? On the flip side, who drains you and makes you feel more anxious and upset after you hang out? Spend more time with the former and less time with the latter.
#4
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#6
According to ReachOut Australia, the “most important thing” when it comes to friendship is that your friends accept you for who you are. “A good friend walks the talk and shows that they care by their actions— big and small.”
Some signs indicating that you have a good friend by your side are that they don’t judge you or put you down, are kind, loyal, and respectful, and listen to you and comfort you when you need it. They’re also trustworthy and “willing to tell you the truth, even when it’s hard for you to hear.”
#7
Was pretty smart guy, owned his own business. Scared off all his high paying clients with his garbage.
I finally had to cut he and his wife loose, blocked them from all my social media accounts, deleted and blocked from phones, etc. I am done.
#8
#9
There is a huge difference between listening to someone and actively listening to them. In the latter case, you’re actually empathizing with them, looking at the situation from their perspective, and trying to put yourself in their shoes. A good way to tell if you’re genuinely connecting with your friend is to consider whether you’re simply waiting for your turn to speak during the conversation. Don’t make the discussion all about you.
Meanwhile, as awkward as it might be, if you’re worried about your friend, directly ask them what’s bothering them and what they need. Meanwhile, open up about your own feelings as well. It takes a bit of courage to be vulnerable, but it’s so important.
#10
#11
We were 25 at the time and he said she was 20. One day she called the cops to the house because her mom/grandma wouldn't do something (can't remember exactly as this was 8 years ago) and while the cop was filling out the report she gave him her name (her real name, not the one he told us) and her age.
We got into an argument and they moved into a different apartment in a different town and we haven't spoken since.
#12
Have you ever had a friendship that you deeply cared about fall apart, dear Pandas? What happened? Were you eventually able to mend the friendship, or did you go down your separate paths? What do you think would need to happen for you to get back on the same page?
What, for you personally, are the most important signs of a great friend? What qualities do you value the most? We’d love to hear from you! Feel free to share your stories below, in the comments.
#13
I found out he was violent with his wife, who was loved by all our circle of friends. We got to know in an awful way without him knowing we knew. A friend and I called the police on him and we waited not far, on the corner, in the dark.
All of his friends dropped him like the t**d he was.
His wife left him and I was so glad she did.
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#19
Best friend 1 couldn’t handle me having a girlfriend and not being available 24/7 to pick him up when he gets drunk. He tried to sabotage my relationship several times, he told my gf I was a d**g a****t, he insinuated that I had lied to my gf about being sick and that I was out with someone else. That was it for me I ghosted him and haven’t spoken to him since.
Best friend 2 wasn’t a necessarily bad person, but he was selfish, always had to have his way, and he wasn’t very empathetic. The straw that broke the camels back for me was we went on a trip together. There were a bunch of little things that bothered me, but there were two events that really set me off. One day we were out in the desert and it was really really hot, and I pulled out a hand towel from the hotel we had stayed in, wet it with cold water, and then put it under my hat. My friend noticed and asked if I would let him use my towel to wipe down his sweaty body. I told him no , that was gross, and to just wipe down with paper towels in the bathroom. He asked again and I said no again, he waited for me to turn around and yanked it out and used it anyway. Next thing happened the very next day. We went on a big group hike and I wound up passing out at the top of the mountain and had to be brought down to the bottom. A friend I had made in the group practically ran down the mountain to check on me, and as the group arrived everyone came to ask how I was. When my friend arrived he just gave me a nod and went and sat down. That was it, after we got home I ghosted him too.
Best friend 3 was a good person inside, but just couldn’t stay away from d***s. He did so many d***s that honestly he should’ve died hundreds of times. Several times I helped him clean up, pushed him into going to college, and getting a job other than selling d***s. Nothing ever stuck. Eventually he wound up getting a girl pregnant and having a kid. He cleaned up for a few months, but then after the kid was born it all went to s**t. He hd given his baby momma my number and I was constantly getting calls from her saying he had said he was with me but he was actually out doing d***s. I talked to him several times and told him he couldn’t put me in that position because I didn’t want to lie. Nothing changed. Ghosting hat trick.
D**n I need to pick better friends.
