30 Couples Share Things They Realized Only After Moving In Together

Quinn, who empowers men and women to enjoy a more fulfilling dating life, with live coaching, hands-on tutorials and guidance for any age or sexual orientation, told Bored Panda that moving in with someone begins with getting the timing right. "If you've had a whirlwind romance of a few months, then avoid taking the plunge of moving in together quickly," Quinn advised. "This has actually been a huge dating trend during Covid 19, recent research from Match calls this dating trend 'turbocharging' where couples have accelerated moving in together, to avoid being separated by local lockdowns. Either way, whilst it's easy to get carried away with the honeymoon phase of a relationship, this is not a good indicator of whether your love will work in the long run."

Conversely, Quinn highlighted that "if you've been dating someone for a couple of years and they're still dragging their feet over moving in together, then this could also indicate that they have issues with commitment. If someone is wary of committing, take note of this and remember you shouldn't ever have to arm-twist anyone into this next important milestone."

It's a delicate balance, but the dating coach thinks people should look to move in together when they've already had a good enough amount of time to get to know one another and have road-tested plenty of long weekends at each other's houses, and holidays away together. "If you're finding that you're spending more time together than apart, feel really relaxed in each other's company, and the honeymoon phase is a distant memory, now could be the right time to take that next step."

However, does sharing the bills and a bed without getting married heighten the risk for divorce if the couple chooses to spend the rest of their lives together? According to a 2014 study from the nonpartisan Council on Contemporary Families, the short answer is no — moving in will not automatically make you a divorce statistic in the future. But choosing a partner too early might.

Arielle Kuperberg was a graduate student at the University of Pennsylvania when she noticed something interesting in her sociology textbooks. Reading on marriage longevity, Kuperberg observed that the age a couple said 'I do' was among the strongest predictors of divorce. All of the literature made it super clear: the reason people who married younger were more likely to divorce was that they were not mature enough to pick appropriate partners.

She told The Atlantic that was precisely when a lightbulb went off in her head. If younger married couples were more likely to divorce, did that mean that couples who moved in together at earlier ages were also at increased risk for broken marriages?

Using data from the U.S. government's 1995, 2002, and 2006 National Surveys of Family and Growth, Kuperberg analyzed over 7,000 individuals who had been married. Some of the people she looked at were still with their spouse. Others were divorced. She looked at how old each individual was when they made their first major commitment to a partner—whether that step was marriage or cohabitation.

Kuperberg found that the longer couples waited to make that first serious commitment, the better their chances for marital success were. The research revealed that at 23—the age when many people graduate from college, settle into adult life and begin becoming financially independent—the correlation with divorce dramatically drops off. The study showed that individuals who committed to cohabitation or marriage at the age of 18 saw a 60 percent rate of divorce, whereas individuals who waited until 23 saw that number drop to around 30 percent.

"Cohabitation is a great road test for marriage," Hayley Quinn said. "There's a big difference between enjoying the highlight reel of fancy dates, versus the access all areas pass you get into someone's life when you live together. Living together has the potential to turbocharge your intimacy levels: yes, you'll know more about your partner's toilet habits, but you also have the potential to feel emotionally much closer. Sharing in the responsibility of paying bills on time and keeping on top of the washing is also a great road test for the more practical elements of being married."

That being said, Quinn added that plenty of couples will cohabit with no intention of ever getting married. "For some, they may see marriage as outdated, whilst others may be pushed into cohabiting as it slashes your living costs compared to being at home. So don't assume that just because you've hit the living together milestone that it automatically means you're heading for the altar."