So, if we all fail all the time, and it is sort of a prerequisite that it will happen sooner or later, why is it so hard to embrace failure? Well, there are few reasons behind it. One can be related to the way we were brough up. A lot of us grew up being praised for our successes only, leading us to believe that if we don’t succeed, there is nothing to be celebrated or appreciated there.
We also tend to identify solely with our successes. We consider our jobs and our achievements the building blocks of who we are. We are doctors, engineers, physicists, librarians, competition winners, bonus collectors, and promotion earners.
That’s what we ask about when we meet someone for the first time—their most prominent achievements. And we form our opinion about them based on that, often not taking into consideration things they have failed to achieve.
We also tend to compare ourselves to others, which is never a good idea. We see how our former colleagues or classmates are advancing in their careers and are creating families and we start to think we are lagging behind. We see and hear about their healthy or fancy lifestyles and we think we are not doing nearly enough, we’re lazy, and we’re failing at life. This is even further exacerbated by the perfection we see on our social media feeds.
Success is all around us. We see athletes winning medals, movie starts attending film premieres, and businessmen succeeding in their ventures. What we don’t see are the grueling training that athletes go through. We don’t see the hundreds of auditions that the actors failed. The multiple times that businessmen had to go back to the drawing board before coming up with something successful is also left behind the curtain.
When you consider all that, it is no surprise that we are so hell-bent on not failing. It’s also understandable why we feel so crushed when things end up not going our way. The good things is, that you can learn to deal with it. And, with some practice, failure won’t feel like such a devastation anymore.
Firstly, it’s important to identify that you yourself aren’t a failure. Failure might happen to you, it might be something you experience, but you as a person are not a disappointment. Recognizing that is important. If you think of yourself as someone who has endured failure and still carried on, it might even give you a boost of confidence.
Another good way of dealing with failure is gratitude. Recognizing what you already have can help you gain perspective on things. Sure, you might have not succeeded when delivering a task at work, but it’s also showed you what a supportive team you have and how your boss will always have your back. You might have failed to make a delicious-looking recipe, but it’s nice to know that you have the time and the resources to experiment in the kitchen.
An important part of moving on from failure is looking into it and seeing what you could take away from it. That is really what makes the difference between failure and failure that leads to success. Sure, no one wants to ruminate on a relationship that broke down, but examining it to notice if there were any patterns there that you can work on is really beneficial. It can make your future relationship more fulfilling.
