Therapists Reveal 30 Things People Are Often Embarrassed To Tell Them But That They Actually Hear A Lot Of

That they think they have feelings for us, love us, etc. Transference is a hell of a thing. Imagine you’re a middle aged male with a history of invalidation from females and a traumatic past and suddenly you’re spending an hour a day 4-5 times monthly with a young woman who attends to your needs, validates you, speaks kindly, and praises you. It’s more normal than you think. Typically I give them psycho education about transference, relate their feelings toward their past experiences, and move on. If a client has a history of it though then I try to refer them to a male therapist because it can affect the therapeutic process if it continues or escalates.

That they haven’t had sex with their partner in years and don’t know how/if they will ever have sex with their partner again. There is so much shame around sex in the USA that a lot of people are scared to talk to their partner about their sexual needs. Time goes by, and suddenly they haven’t had sex in 3, 5, 10 years. It starts for a lot of people in their 40s and 50s.

A lot of people (falsely) believe there is something wrong with their marriage because they fantasize about people other than their partner.

Many of my clients lived through severe childhood trauma and neglect. They had no one to model or explain healthy emotions or to show them appropriate ways to react to stress, fear, anger, etc. Most often they’ll describe a completely normal reaction to a stressor and then follow that up with “I don’t know if that’s normal.” These are adults who were exposed to so much dysfunction during their formative years that they don’t know whether it’s normal to cry when they’re anxious or afraid, feel angry when their boundaries have been violated, etc.

That they don't like their family members, are angry/want to stop communication with their parents etc. I work in a country which Is more culturally collectivist, so not wanting anything to do with your parents makes you an a**hole in the current cultural sense.

We deal with this almost on a daily basis. There is deep and profound shame in this and when we find that line of "oh, it might be that your parents are toxic to your mental well being/trigger your trauma" many of my clients actually get visibly angry with me.

Cultural psychology is so important, cause when I first moved here I had my American/European hat on, oh boy, did I need to adjust.

EDIT: I'm in Ukraine

Recurring intrusive thoughts about harming others. Can be hurting/killing someone or sexual fantasies about children or relatives. Usually people take a while to admit those.

The reality is that if you are having them frequently you aren't dangerous. You probably have OCD and are terrified that you might be dangerous.

I treat veterans with PTSD. I quite often have people who are hesitant to disclose that they killed someone, even though it is obviously a super common story in the context of my job.

Missing their depression after their mood starts to improve.

A common one in the time I was a therapist was simply "I don't know".

You'd be surprised how reluctant people are to admit that they don't know why they're feeling how they are. But that's exactly why you're (or were, I'm not a therapist any more) sat there with me; so we can figure out why together.

It always put me in mind of a line from America by Simon and Garfunkel:

"Kathy, 'I'm lost' I said, though I knew she was sleeping. 'I'm empty and aching and I don't know why'."

Clients become quite fearful of admitting that they weren't successful since the last time they had a session. This could include not succeeding in using a coping skill that they're learning about, or not being able to complete a homework assignment I gave them. Humans aren't robots, and therapy is a lot of work.

That being said, I don't expect people to be perfect as they start to work on themselves in a positive way. It takes time to really commit to change, especially in relation to trauma or conflicted views that an individual holds. I feel as if the client doesn't want to let me down as their therapist, but these "failure" events are just as important to talk about as successful moments!

Licensed Professional Counselor here.

Pretty much everything.

But a common one is "secret feelings." Secret resentment towards a spouse or the difficulties of being a parent. Lost attraction in a spouse. Private daydreams and sexual fantasies.

Seems like every time someone tells me "I have this really weird daydream I'm always having...", they then tell me their variation of the Suffering Martyr Daydream. So common it has a name!