30 Therapists Share Their “I Know I’m Not Supposed To Judge, But Holy Cow" Moments

I had a 11 year old patient proudly show me the tattoo his uncle gave him. I definitely judged that uncle in my mind.

A kid came into inpatient hospital after burning down the house with his family still inside, and when asked if he meant to k**l them, all he said with a blank look was, "They got out, didn't they?".

I worked with a man who expressed support of a violent reinstatement of chattel slavery.

For me, it was more of a series of moments- I can't help but to feel some kind of way when a parent brings me their teenager who is s******l and/or depressed, and clearly does not care, and the kid knows they don't care. I can have intellectual empathy that something happened to the parent for them to behave that way, but I really struggle when parents bring their teens to me with the intention of "fixing the kid" rather than providing support and guidance for the family. It crushes my soul when I see a teen who is so used to being cast aside that they don't bat an eye when the parent throws a fit because the teen needs to be assessed for safety/s**cidality and it was an inconvenience to the parent, and it's REALLY HARD to withhold judgment in those situations.

Another holy sh*t moment is when one of my clients openly admitted to being racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, etc., and he felt good about the fact that he could claim those labels. That was only one of the reasons I had to transfer him, but it sent a chill down my spine when he looked me in the eye, knowing I am a queer therapist, and proceeded to tell me all of the ways in which he hated my community. So ya, there have definitely been some interesting moments.

The dad that told me I had 2.5 sessions to "fix" his daughter.

Teenage client who got a giant tattoo of a band she had never heard of.

An extremely a*****e (like I got physically sick reading the reports of what she did to her children) mother who had her children taken by CPS, complaining about the food at the foster home not being fresh enough.

A client once proudly told me they brush their teeth once a week because 'they don’t want to wear them out and i was likeeee... oh s**t 🤣.

There was a car accident, Mother was drunk driving and ended up in a ditch, mom's friend and 8 year old had mild injuries and were admitted to ER for check ups. Medical information for the child didn't match up to what the mother was saying, for some reason a blood test was done and they found out mom wasn't mom. Mom's friend was the actual mother but gave away the kid at a year old due to being tired of being a parent (her words not mine).

It was one of those wtf moments.

Sitting in a couples session. First session ever with them. And they are openly discussing how they have 10 children between them (from previous relationships) and regularly physically fight each other.

Both described raging so hard they would black out and not remember fights.

Unfortunately after they were unwilling to make a pledge that they would no longer use violence I eventually had to end our therapeutic relationship.

We can judge, in fact we have to judge harmful from helpful to be effective at this job. We also have to do no harm and provide the greatest beneficence to our clients.

With that said…I’ve worked with child a**sers and domestic violence perpetrators. On a number of occasions I’ve worked with m**ders and even a few folk involved in dog fighting. The thing that always struck me was not the sociopaths or how many former cops I saw but how easy a few changes in your life and/or brain can lead to someone being just as susceptible to pretty terrible impulses.

A client left their pet rabbit on their balcony and knowingly let it starve to death. Didn’t feel bad about it at all.