The sad truth behind sugardating: an open letter
I feel that I need to address this issue that was bothering me for a while now because I cannot keep quiet anymore. Please, if at the end of my letter you will find it worth sharing, please do!
I have a friend who has recently started dating older men in exchange for trips to Croatia, Dior sunglasses and Prada Bags, putting on hold her career and family plans. I cannot recognize her anymore and I hate to see her going down this path.
Long story short, this spring me and Laura were browsing through Instagram for travelling inspiration for the summer, the time we were supposed to graduate from college. It didn’t take us long to stumble upon a certain species of Instagram travellers, the secret society of so called “sugarbabes” – the girls casually hanging out on a yacht, thoughtfully gazing into the distance in the background of exotic sunset, having their green smoothie after a massage in Maldives or enjoying the nightlife on the rooftops in Manhattan. Their feeds look more like ads with careful product placement, which they shovel down our throats with inspirational quotes about something like “enjoying the present moment” or “discovering oneself by travelling to Taiwan”.
Surprisingly (or not?) my friend got fascinated with this idea of being this kind of girl. She suddenly started to complain that all we could afford this summer was a backpacking trip around Europe with our friends in a rented car. I didn’t take her seriously, just like I didn’t take her seriously when she proudly announced registering on a couple of sites to find herself a sugardaddy for the summer. But I should have.
The thing is, all it takes for a girl is to type “sugardaddy” into Google search, and companies like Sugardaters have their webs of aggressive advertisement already in place to grab naïve youngsters by manipulating them into believing that having sex with older men in exchange for monetary value is somehow an okay thing to do. Girls buy into this idea of recklessly spending the money they didn’t make.
And this new fancy word – sugardating – is actually nothing but world’s oldest profession in disguise.
Few months in, I can say that I no longer recognize Laura. Although we both come from hard working families and we were raised to respect ourselves enough not to exchange our dignity for a Prada bag. And yet, when she started dating these men, I get to only see her new “perfect” Instagram feed in which she looks nothing like herself in tight dresses, climbing some sort of shady social ladder instead of focusing on her thesis project which, by the way, she did not submit on time because she was too busy having cocktails by the pool in Egypt and shopping in Soho. Now she’s just one more girl who used to dream about having a family throwing it all away for the illusion of luxurious life and 2 seconds of Instagram fame.
Few months in, I can say that I no longer recognize Laura. Although we both come from hard working families and we were raised to respect ourselves enough not to exchange our dignity for a Prada bag. And yet, when she started dating these men, I get to only see her new “perfect” Instagram feed in which she looks nothing like herself in tight dresses, climbing some sort of shady social ladder instead of focusing on her thesis project which, by the way, she did not submit on time because she was too busy having cocktails by the pool in Egypt and shopping in Soho. Now she’s just one more girl who used to dream about having a family throwing it all away for the illusion of luxurious life and 2 seconds of Instagram fame.
But this problem goes way deeper than me and my friend. As a society, we are very quick to abandon the ideals we were raised with by blindly following the footsteps of Western countries without actually considering for a minute that it is not what we should stand for. Because we never did.
Am I the only one who actually believes that there is more to life and love than just a capitalistic model of exchanging services? Giving away your best days for someone trying to escape their boredom by possessing a cute, tall and bubbly arm candy. But what about the days when you don’t feel your best? Who will be there for you in the moments that are not Instagram-worthy? When you are not a sugarbabe, but simply a girl in need of love and compassion? For all I know, real life challenges don’t disappear with a swipe of a credit card.
Am I the only one who actually believes that there is more to life and love than just a capitalistic model of exchanging services? Giving away your best days for someone trying to escape their boredom by possessing a cute, tall and bubbly arm candy. But what about the days when you don’t feel your best? Who will be there for you in the moments that are not Instagram-worthy? When you are not a sugarbabe, but simply a girl in need of love and compassion? For all I know, real life challenges don’t disappear with a swipe of a credit card.
I am writing this to you because I feel that next time a girl googles “sugardaddy”, she should find this letter first, which I believe is doable with the voice and influence that you have.
Anything but these mindless ads of the companies that lure young girls into this inescapable chase of “the good life”.
Maybe that will save somebody a friend, a daughter or a sister...For my friend is a little bit to late...
Please share it if you have someone you care about not going down on this path...