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Despite marriages existing in one form or another across basically the entire globe, the act of broaching “the question” has nuances across the entire geographic, religious, and economic spectrum. For example, same-sex couples might have multiple proposals, so both members get their chance to ask. Though the first one still runs the risk of rejection. Unfortunately, homophobia still exists even in more developed countries, so many same-sex couples prefer to propose in private or a more secluded area, something many of the people featured in this article could have benefited from.
But, it could be worse. At least these people were asked directly. Traditionally, many marriages were just arranged. This has the silver lining of allowing a more nervous person to avoid a proposal, but it also often leaves the choice of partner up to the parents. Personally, I’m not sure if I would delegate restaurant plans to my parents, so letting them (hypothetically) choose my partner would be a bridge too far.
The stereotypical proposal is done by a man, but consumer trends indicate that women are increasingly posing the question themselves. Jewelers are making engagement rings designed for men so their potential partners can pop the question with a nice ring. These are sometimes called man-gagement rings, since, as usual, men seem to need a special category. Judging by some of the stories listed here, husbands and wives-to-be alike should count their lucky stars if it’s a real ring and not some candy. At this point, receiving it from a prospective partner and not, say, a cow or a chicken nugget (?!?) is already a luxury.
The idea of an engagement ring possibly goes back, like many things, to ancient Egypt, though with limited evidence. There is stronger evidence that it was practiced in ancient Greece. The Romans, true Hellenophiles, regularly copied Greece’s homework and also used rings to designate engagement. In a twist on the modern practice, ancient Romans would wear two rings, a golden one in public and an iron one at home.
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#12
The people-groups that inherited the ruins of the Roman empire, naturally, copied the Roman’s homework and also used rings to signify marriage or engagement. The Visigothic Code of Laws designated the acceptance of a ring as sufficient evidence of engagement even if there was no written agreement. The peoples of Dark Age Western Europe also mandated making the proposal known to the public, as long as it was accepted of course. The purpose of this process called the banns of marriage was to allow members of the community to raise any possible issues about the wedding.
Now, gold rings have been the norm since before Christ, but Medieval suitors were the first to introduce that more modern element, the diamond. The first recorded use of a diamond engagement ring was from the Archduke Maximilian of Austria to Mary of Burgundy in 1477. As usual, the nobility followed the trends and norms set down by the aristocracy and also started demanding diamond rings.
Despite social norms and pressures, roughly a quarter of couples just didn’t bother with engagement rings, and many preferred to pay under 2000$ for them. Researchers have even found an inverse relationship, where the higher the price of the ring, the higher the divorce rate. A common throughline is the stress caused by wedding expenses “exploding” after the event. Many couples go into debt and once the excitement of the event dies down, the marriage often dies with it.
