50 First-Date Horror Stories From People Who Suffered Through Them

We talked with Professor & Ph.D. Director Jennifer A. Theiss about first dates and dating in general, and we asked her why she thinks a lot of first dates end badly: "First dates are challenging because they are characterized by uncertainty. We have questions and doubts about what our partner will think of us, how we might feel about them, whether or not there will be more dates in the future, what we should say, and how we should behave. High levels of uncertainty can make it difficult to communicate effectively and make sense of a partner's messages and behaviors. This makes for an uncomfortable interaction on first dates, which many people presume is evidence that they are not a match and might discount their partner as a result, but really it is a normal and expected aspect of these first encounters with a new potential partner."

Jennifer A. Theiss also gave some tips and tricks for first dates: "Because uncertainty is high during first dates, one of the goals of our communication is to reduce that uncertainty so that we can form impressions and make decisions about whether or not we want to proceed with future interaction. Seeking information is the primary way that we might go about reducing our uncertainty, and the main way that we go about obtaining information is by asking questions. My advice for first dates is to ask a lot of questions. The answers you receive from your partner will likely provide substantial information that will quell uncertainty, either positively or negatively. They might share information that gives you a positive impression and reduces your uncertainty in ways that make you want more contact, or they might share information that reduces your uncertainty by confirming negative or undesirable qualities that you are sure you don't want in a partner."

Jennifer A. Theiss shared the main red flag to look out for while on your first date: "One red flag is when your date asks no questions about you. This lack of curiosity on their part suggests that they aren't attempting to reduce uncertainty by learning more about you, which may mean that they are not thinking about the potential for future interaction or a long-term relationship."

It seems like everyone's had a bad date at least once in their life, and Jennifer A. Theiss shared her own with us: "Not horrible, per se, but I once asked someone on a first date what they were looking for in their ideal woman (lame, I know). He said his ideal woman was petite with brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin. I have blond hair, blue eyes, pale skin, and I'm definitely not petite! We didn't have a second date!"

If you're uncertain what you're doing wrong in the dating world, Jennifer A. Theiss shared her thoughts on the main mistakes people make in dating these days: "With most people using dating apps to find potential partners, they are often making judgments about whether or not to pursue someone based on limited (and highly curated) information that is provided in a person's profile. Often, a potential partner is quickly excluded based on physical appearance alone or a few pieces of basic information. Most daters would benefit from casting a more wide open net and not being too discriminant during this early vetting process. Give yourself the chance to learn more about a potential partner by going on a first date and giving them the opportunity to share more personal information about themselves. There may be a lot of potential missed connections when people are quick to exclude people based on limited information about them."

If you want to learn more about Jennifer A. Theiss and relationships, you can give her book "The Experience and Expression of Uncertainty in Close Relationships" a look.

We also spoke to the online user Whitneywestmoreland who started this interesting thread, and they shared why they think first dates are awkward: "First dates can be awkward because, let's face it, you're trying to determine if you're romantically compatible with a relative stranger. Having said that, I think many of the stories shared in that post were uniquely awful. They weren't necessarily something you would expect on a typical first date."

They also shared some tips for your first date: "As cheesy as it sounds, be yourself, be honest and don't waste your time or theirs if you don't think it's going to work out. Most importantly, if the other person isn't interested in you, don't think of it as a 'rejection.' Don't take it personally. You're looking for a match. Just because two people don't fit together, there's no reason for either one to feel spurned. People put far too much stock into the opinion of someone who barely knows them."

Whitneywestmoreland talked about some of the red flags they look out for: "These are red flags for me, but any guy who brags or likes to talk about being an 'alpha' is an automatic 'no' for me. If he brings up his ex repeatedly, he's clearly not over her yet. There are other red flags (if he seems too controlling, jealous or possessive) but those aren't as immediately obvious."

They also shared an amusing story about their horrible first date: "Only one. I was staying with my parents for a bit, after college. I came down to dinner one day to find my parents sitting at the table with a random guy. Every extra chair had been removed from the table except for the one next to the guy so I would have to sit next to him. It still took me entirely too long to figure out this was their attempt at setting me up. No prior warning. Nothing. It was an awkward dinner with mom, dad and Yashar."

The online user opened up about what they think the main mistakes in dating are these days: "I couldn't begin to tell you the mistakes people make in dating nowadays. I'm sure it varies. I've had friends comment on how, back in the day, you would meet people face-to-face and...while you may not have been initially attracted to someone, their personality/sense of humor would often win you over. Now that a lot of dating is done online, people are often automatically dismissed based on appearance alone. So two people who may have connected, had they chatted for 15 minutes, never get the chance to meet. The same applies when you dismiss people whose jobs don't pay as much as your own, because you assume you wouldn't have anything in common. When a lot of focus is put on superficial matters, you're going to dismiss a lot of people right off the bat, and that severely limits your options."