We people tend to agree to disagree on a majority of topics, yet it seems there are a few that escape this little consensus. One of them is how one should raise their kids. It’s as if we’re born, ironically enough, with an inner wisdom or code as to how the future generations should be taught, so that they become the best version of themselves.
And yet, those theories and approaches tend to clash person to person, sometimes leading to quite heated arguments, as we’ll see in the story today. Jajdngoaneogn came to the community of r/AmIthe[Jerk] to ask the very important question—was she in the wrong for telling her boyfriend’s ex how to raise her son?
Make sure to stick around for the community’s verdict at the very end, but let’s just come out and say—this is a spicy one! There’s a big debate to be had on this very question, and so, dear readers, feel free to leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments below. Let’s dive in!
There are as many ways to parent as there are kids in the world, however, when those methods clash with one another, it may cause issues for all involved
Image credits: Dimaberlin (not the actual photo)
One woman decided to ask the internet whether she was in the wrong for telling her boyfriend’s son’s mother that she should update her parenting style
Image credits: drazenphoto (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Purple-Lab1576
The situation is more complex than may meet the eye, and it’s no wonder that it’s caused such a heated debate online. On one hand, the author of the story clearly wants what’s best for the child and has good intentions at heart; however, just because she’s had some experience with nieces and nephews doesn’t mean she fully understands what it’s like to parent 24/7.
On the other hand, researchers believe that parents should avoid yelling at their children, as it’s very similar to physical punishment. It can lead to increased levels of anxiety, stress and depression along with an increase in behavioral problems. Yet, she is the main caretaker of the boy, and, as a single parent, it can’t be easy.
Many agree with a general rule for telling someone else how to parent their kids: Don't. For those who just can’t help themselves, Heather Reese of Cafe Mom has some advice. Only give suggestions when they’re asked for. Tone is also important; there's a fine line between giving advice and telling someone that they are failing as a parent. Lastly, if you don't have kids, shush.
However, this situation is a bit more complicated than just a random stranger that thinks they know it all. The boy essentially has two families that are raising him, and it’s up to the adults to come to a consensus on what’s best for the child. "When parents have different opinions on raising their children, it can create tension or anxiety in the home," says Jaclyn Gulotta, a licensed mental health counselor. "Children may also feel that tension and anxiety [especially] if parents disagree in front of them.”
"Consequences of having a difference in parenting include more conflict, emotional and physical disconnect, lack of trust, and behavioral changes," says Dr. Gulotta. That's why it's vital to learn how to collaborate and come to a more unified approach to parenting. Creating rules together and agreeing to consequences will make the journey a lot more pleasant for all parties involved.
Truth is—being a parent is never easy. It doesn’t come with a handbook, regardless of the advice available. Leading with love and best intentions doesn’t always work, yet it can’t hurt to try. We hope that this family can sort things out so that no one is left behind in the equation.
Leave us your thoughts on this in the comments below after reading through the discussion that happened online. Let’s see each other in the next one, and until then, have a great day!
It’s not surprising that this has divided the internet. There were those who supported the woman:
On the other hand, there were those that believed she should mind her own business, especially being the outsider in the relationship. Leave your thoughts below!
