Have you ever wished you could just implant your message right into someone’s brain so that they would hear it loud and clear and understand it right away? Well, we have! We often think about how cool it would be to send telepathic messages and save our daily word count on something that’s truly worthy of our breath. There’s another spectrum of sending a telepathic message - the entertainment kind. And, although the mere thought of telepathic messaging is already quite an entertaining one, just wait until you read the answers these people once gave about the telepathic messages they’d send to all the people on earth at once. It’s pure comedy gold, so if you’re drinking something, put it aside so as not to sprinkle your precious screen with sticky droplets of whatever it is you’re drinking.
As it turns out, loads of people have thought about the possibility of sending telepathic messages to all the inhabitants of the earth all at once. And since their ideas of the perfect message to broadcast were so specific and so on-point, we came to our conclusion that most of them have actually spent quite some time in their lives mulling over the thought. From absolutely hilarious transmissions and funny stories that would surely stop anyone in their tracks upon receiving them to profound messages that could positively change the course of history, the people in this Reddit thread seemingly had an announcement fit for absolutely any occasion. Now, only if we could actually send telepathic messages…
Right, let’s go to the telepathic messages people in this AskReddit thread shared with us, shall we? Let us warn you again - it’s bound to get pretty hilarious in here, so count the possibility of having a fit of the wildest giggles in. Be sure to rank the submissions in a way that pleases you, and share this article with your friends!
#1
botchman wrote:
"People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you."
"People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you."
Stompya replied:
”There’s no point in acting all surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display in your local planning department on Alpha Centauri for fifty of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now.”
”There’s no point in acting all surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display in your local planning department on Alpha Centauri for fifty of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now.”
Luxray1000 added:
"What do you mean you've never been to Alpha Centauri? For heaven's sake, mankind, it's only four light years away, you know. I'm sorry, but if you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams."
"What do you mean you've never been to Alpha Centauri? For heaven's sake, mankind, it's only four light years away, you know. I'm sorry, but if you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams."
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44points
#2
DronePilotNYC wrote:
“We are the Galactic council. You have 10 Earth years to unite as a species, to eliminate Poverty, sickness and revert the damage you have done to the climate or you will be destroyed. This is the last communication we will have with you on this matter. Unite as a species or die as one.“
“We are the Galactic council. You have 10 Earth years to unite as a species, to eliminate Poverty, sickness and revert the damage you have done to the climate or you will be destroyed. This is the last communication we will have with you on this matter. Unite as a species or die as one.“
LividLager replied:
"Dude we can't even agree to wear masks during a pandemic. People would arm themselves and say bring it."
"Dude we can't even agree to wear masks during a pandemic. People would arm themselves and say bring it."
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34points
#3
King_Kezza wrote:
"Act out a conversation between 2 people talking about shutting down the simulation, then freak out about accidentally broadcasting the conversation in the simulation."
"Act out a conversation between 2 people talking about shutting down the simulation, then freak out about accidentally broadcasting the conversation in the simulation."
TurtleTucker replied:
"But if you power off Chicago, the rest of them will notice."
"But if you power off Chicago, the rest of them will notice."
"We've gotta start somewhere."
"No, I'm not gonna do that. I think it will frazzle them. The population's too big; you can't just eliminate the entire city."
"Then try somewhere smaller. Try Tampa. Just test it out."
"No, we should try it on a forest somewhere. Or some island. Or a mountain, or something. One that they won't miss."
"The whole purpose of this is to see if it's better to wipe and start over. The whole thing is backed up with data. I feel like rebooting would be the best bet."
"Yeah, but the memory would be-- ah, sh*t. I'm leaning on the intercom."
"You idiot! Turn that o--"
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32points
#6
McBurger wrote:
"I'd read out some very long string of random letters, like a SHA256. Since it will catch everyone off guard, it is unlikely that nearly anybody will be able to realize what is happening for the first couple dozen letters and be unable to write it down. Let the madness ensue as people try to collaborate on what the message was, what characters were correct (there will be conflicting accounts), brute force decrypting it, and what it meant."
"I'd read out some very long string of random letters, like a SHA256. Since it will catch everyone off guard, it is unlikely that nearly anybody will be able to realize what is happening for the first couple dozen letters and be unable to write it down. Let the madness ensue as people try to collaborate on what the message was, what characters were correct (there will be conflicting accounts), brute force decrypting it, and what it meant."
14AngryMonkeys replied:
"Can you please make the decoded string a URL that redirects to a certain Rick Astley video?"
"Can you please make the decoded string a URL that redirects to a certain Rick Astley video?"
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30points
#7
sportartemis wrote:
"Give me Harry Potter. Do this and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave Hogwarts untouched. Give me Harry Potter, and you will be rewarded. You have one hour."
"Give me Harry Potter. Do this and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave Hogwarts untouched. Give me Harry Potter, and you will be rewarded. You have one hour."
insertstalem3me replied:
"News broadcast later that evening:
"News broadcast later that evening:
"With millions believing Harry Potter is real, many have been injured by running into the pillars of Kings Cross station""
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28points
#12
beklog wrote:
"Hi Eartlings, we're real and we come in peace. Please do not pour water on us."
"Hi Eartlings, we're real and we come in peace. Please do not pour water on us."
Bikeboy76 replied:
"Did he say Eartlings?"
"Did he say Eartlings?"
Witch_Doctor_Seuss added:
"An alien race makes contact and the first thing you wanna do is make fun of their accent? Humanity is doomed."
"An alien race makes contact and the first thing you wanna do is make fun of their accent? Humanity is doomed."
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24points
#13
"I know less than half of you half as much as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!"
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24points
#14
watch_over_me wrote:
""You picked the correct religion. I am real, and this is the proof you've been asking for."
Then I'd watch the world blow up."
""You picked the correct religion. I am real, and this is the proof you've been asking for."
Then I'd watch the world blow up."
AyeAye_Kane replied:
"All the atheists are gonna be completely stumped."
"All the atheists are gonna be completely stumped."
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24points
#16
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
That'll get the message across."
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23points
#18
"Not going to lie, I'm selling this massive advertising opportunity to the highest bidder."
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22points
