The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users

We contacted Laura Martocci who has a Ph.D. in Sociology and asked her about this topic. First of all, we wondered if school reunions are important to have at all: “Reunions are not important or unimportant in and of themselves. They are important to some people, and unimportant to others. What is important is to understand why you do or do not want to attend—and to know that either choice is right, because it comes down to what’s right for you."

"Also, if you want to attend, be clear about your expectations. As I said in a blog for Psychology Today: Identify, before you go, what ‘having a good time’ would look like. Getting up the nerve to chat with a former crush? Networking? Introducing your partner to your high school world? Or simply feeling secure (or adventurous) enough to attend just to sate your curiosity?"

"How does s/he look all these years later, and who is doing (and wearing) what? On average, only 40% of people attend their reunions. What can we say about the 60% that do not attend? Are they all missing an important event? Or are the people who DO attend mistaken in believing it important to do [so]?

People attend their reunions, first and foremost, to reconnect with their former friends. Expect that old cliques will re-cohere, hang out, and catch up with each other. You would—and likely will—do the same. Having reconnected, some will begin to peel off, mingle, and move beyond the old crowd—and may be open to connect with people they barely knew in school. It is important to remember that reunions are not in the business of ‘redemption.’ If attending your reunion is important to you because you want to show people who you have become, be honest with yourself about this hope or expectation."

"Many of us attend wanting to let others see our success—see who we’ve become. If this is the sole or main reason you attend, there is a good chance you will be disappointed—perhaps find that you feel as invisible as you did in school (even Janis Joplin wasn’t accorded the attention and affirmation she believed her success would bring her at her HS reunion). Invisibility-–especially when we have worked on ourselves, grown, and [worked] so hard to succeed—is itself demoralizing. Finally, many of [us] portray ourselves on social media in ways we suspect we cannot live up to—and attending our reunion presents all kinds of psychological challenges to us."

We asked Laura Martocci if people change after school: "We all change. The thing about this question is we all assume we know what ‘change a lot’—and good vs bad change—looks like/means. Also, there is a real double standard about change. If we see evidence of ‘positive change’—success, clothing, appearance, etc.—we might bitchily say we know the ‘real person’ under all the designer clothes and body work. But if a popular, confident peer has ‘let themselves go’ we don’t assume that this is a reflection of the ‘real person’ underneath the school superstar."

"Instead, we think it unfortunate that they have come upon hard times (unless we were cruelly bullied and are glad of their current status). Most of us believe we have made mistakes, grown, and changed. But ‘growth and change’ can be deep and subtle and not on display for all to see. Unfortunately, a focus on change (which we all have—the curiosity is irresistible) rests on a ‘then/now’ comparison that is steeped in judgments. Think about it—the judgments that we passed in the hallways, cafeteria, or on the bus are integrally part of (the cornerstone of) our current assessments."

We also asked her if there are some common patterns in which people change after school: “If there is a pattern, it is looking for the chance to make a fresh start—to find out who we really are when all the people who have trapped us in particular identities no longer determine our social selves.”

Lastly, we wondered if we even start acting like our old selves when we attend our high school reunions: “Absolutely. When others position us in their stories, we are assigned our old roles. And when there is no reason for them to reposition and redefine us, we slip into the same old ‘emotion dances.’ And we hate ourselves for doing it."

"Old patterns not only renew feelings of shame, they compound them: we should not be feeling or acting this way. But because we are, we turn on ourselves, and negative self-judgments ooze into our psyche. Before beating ourselves up too badly, we should recall that neural pathways and ‘stimulus-response patterns’ have a lot to do with how easily we slip back into old ‘emotion dances.’ The good news is that, with work, we can create alternate pathways. And it is important to know that whatever you feel is legitimate."

If you want to read more of Laura’s work, click here or here!