83 Of The Most Shockingly Dumb Things People Have Ever Heard

I am an identical twin. My sister and I are also both gay. We are at a bar with our girlfriends. Clearly together. Guy walks up. Says, oh your twins! Cool! Then he points at me and says “So, what’s your birthday?” I tell him. Then he points at my sister and says, and what’s YOUR birthday?” He then asked, so, did you realize you were gay from making out with your sister? I was gobsmacked. I said “Idk, did you realize you were straight from making out with YOURS?”

I had a woman working for me that was really religious and said they've never found fossils in the Grand Canyon so that proves evolution isn't real. When I showed her proof that they had, in fact, found fossils in the Grand Canyon, she said, "Well, those were just planted there to confuse people". Then, as she turned away said "Looks like Jesus won this one". I couldn't respond. You just can't fight blind ignorance.

A coworker once said she wanted to move to Italy. Another coworker mentioned she wouldn’t be able to watch TV since it would all be in Italian. First coworker responded that she would just bring her TV from home.

To this day, I often hear people say that they can’t make more money because it would bump them into a higher tax bracket, and they’d actually make less.

It gets infuriating trying to explain that you are only taxed at the higher rate past the threshold. I gave up and just nod along.

I don’t have the patience for the room temperature IQ crowd.

We were watching the Leonardo DiCaprio adaptation of Romeo and Juliet in the English class that I teach. Before we started, I explained what an adaptation is and the whole activity was for them to compare and contrast the play (which we had just finished reading) with the film. On the second day of watching, one student sits up and blunts out:

"wait is that Leonardo DiCaprio?!"

I said yes.

I can see the gears trying to turn inside his head. Surprised smoke wasn't coming out of his ears. After a second of what can only be described as 'thinking' he said "How is that possible?"

I said, "What do you mean?"

He looked super confused and proclaimed, "I thought you said the play was written in the 1500s?"

I was flabbergasted. Not sure where to begin, I tried to explain. When I said this movie was filmed in the 90s and is a modern adaptation of the play he said:

"But it was written in the 1500s, how is that possible?"

...

He was serious.

There is so much to unpack here. Turns out he had never considered how movies work. He was confused that it was Leonardo DiCaprio and not Romeo, and that Leo was still alive after being in the play in the 1500s. It wasn't the guns, cars, helicopters, and tvs that revealed this to him, although he confessed that was confusing him as well (but only after I pointed it out, he hadn't noticed before). He couldn't wrap his "mind" around how something could be written in the past, and then made into a movie hundreds of years later. He didn't know the play was fiction, and he thought the movie was the actual events being filmed.

When I tried to explain, I realized this kid was SO stupid there wasn't even a place to begin. Does he realize movies are fake? Does he think all movies are just real events? Does he know the middle ages didn't have electricity/cars/helicopters? How old does he think Leo is? Was this his first ever thought?

My co-worker said he drinks an energy drink late at night so he can feel energized in the morning. My other coworker asked him “Doesn’t that make it difficult to go to sleep?” To which my Energy Drink co-worker took a second to think about it and responded “Actually, now that you mention it…”.

My SIL, god bless her sweet soul, on a trip to the World of Coca Cola in Atlanta, upon seeing that the polar bear mascot would be available for pictures that day.

"So...are they borrowing one from the zoo, or...?"

She was serious and legitimately thought they were going to bring an Apex predator into an enclosed space with children at a soda factory.

I spent the first 10 years of my life in warm, sunny places, and was always outside. I am naturally a bit tan for a white person, and when I was a kid I was Latina dark because I was ALWAYS IN THE SUN.

I moved to Texas in 5th grade and a TEACHER accused me of lying about being white… until I brought in a picture of my parents. Then she accused me of being adopted. Like, can’t a little white girl who just moved from HAWAII just be TAN???

In Athens in 2001, near the Acropolis, an American tourist was trying to buy camera film from a local vendor who spoke very little English.

He said the price was 800 drachma, which was I think a little over $2 US at the time.

She was like "800 DOLLARS?"

He tried to explain that he used drachma, and she was like "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T TAKE DOLLARS!?"

Like most if not all of the negative stereotypes of American tourists rolled into one person. Including getting louder and louder when not understood.

In middle a teacher said giraffes grew long necks because the adults would stretch their necks during their lives and that babies would inherit the necks, basically physical changes to one individual in one life span pass to the offspring. When I corrected her that's it's gradual process over generations she said I was wrong, so I asked if two people with tattooes had a child would the child inherit the tattoos, she said it's possible.

I just stopped talking after that and she smiled like she won.

In third grade I got the first grade of 0 I’d ever received in my life. It was on a test where we had to circle any word that ended in an “r” sound (with a picture of a race car revving its engine for reference). I went up to the teacher, fighting back tears, and asked what I did wrong. She explained how I got all the words wrong by saying them out loud, such as:

Color
River
Better
Father
Mother

She vehemently insisted that these words all ended in an “ah” sound and would not back down.

Yes, I am from Massachusetts. No, I will never, ever stop being angry about this injustice.

Long before cell phones were a thing. A friend asked me how I had such a good sense of direction. I said "Easy, sun rises in the east and sets in the west." He responded "Since when?".

I had a coworker once tell me that he thinks gender neutral bathrooms are a conspiracy by gay men to see women [undressed].

My other coworker and I tried to help him realize the error there but he couldn't grasp it.

Knew a guy who thought he smelled gas under a car we were having trouble with. We had all gotten out. All he said was, “Smells like gas.” He didn’t have a flashlight to get a good look under the car so he pulled out his lighter and lit it. Whoosh! Turns out it WAS gasoline and he had just lit the car on fire. None of us understood why he needed to see the gas to verify if it was in fact gas. We were all dumbfounded. One of us ran to a nearby house to call the fire station. He still hasn’t lived that one down.

She said the moon is a hologram that aliens just project into our night sky for... reasons?

No, she could not explain tides.

The woman who told me that she signs her signature differently every time so that no one would be able to forge it. Like... I didn't have the heart to explain to her why that was counterproductive.

Once heard someone say the earth is flat, still blows my mind.

One of my youth pastors at summer camp said you could pray the gay away.

To inject bleach in your veins to [destroy] covid.

I remember being in high school in Georgia(US state) and two girls were arguing if Iowa was a country or city and then they were trying to guess where it was located, Asia or Europe… I felt bad for their teachers.