“What’s The Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Heard Someone Say?” (69 Answers)

My grandmother told me, "If he doesn't hit you, then he doesn't love you."

Standing in front a jellyfish tank at an aquarium with my then 5 year old daughter. There was a 20ish couple also standing there watching in silence. The tank had lighting that slowly changed colors every few seconds as the jellyfish bobbed around. At some point the woman says...


"It's so amazing how they all know to change to the same new color at the same time."


I had to do everything I could to not laugh. I looked down at my daughter and she a perfect 5-year-old "W*F?" look on her face. I shook my head and then looked at the man, with a look on my face that clearly said "you have to laugh first, man". He was doing everything he could to hold it in. Eventually as we all start letting out some stifled giggles, she says again...


"Oh. My. God. I am so stupid."


The dam burst and all four of us erupted into laughter. I said something like "that was fantastic, you just made our day" and we all went our separate ways. .

A week before the 2020 presidential election: “You will see, the next day after the election covid will disappear. They made it up to make Trump look bad”. It came from a 40-year-old woman with a college degree.

You shouldn't wear steel toed boots because if something lands on your foot, they'll cut off your toes!

Never mind that proper CSA approved steel toed boots would require *thousands* of pounds to do that - far more than what's required to just crush your toes into paste.

See also: You shouldn't wear a helmet because it makes you more likely to be brain damaged instead of ended. You shouldn't wear a seat belt because it's safer to be thrown from the car.

They're all stupid. If you desperately don't want to wear protective gear, don't. But don't spread idiotic nonsense.

An angry tourist off a cruise ship barging around a shop in Mexico: “Doesn’t anyone speak American here??!” This person did not even know the name of her own language, much less how rude and ignorant it was to demand that others in a different country speak it.

Someone said to me (without sarcasm) that if their wife had immigrated illegally they would be better off becuase of all the free stuff and money illegals get.


This was just the stupidest thing today though.

"January 6th was a tour of the Capitol " - FOX News.

I had a coworker who believed that if you cancelled a credit card, you didn’t have to pay it anymore.

She told me she had this great plan, she was going to buy a new flatscreen TV and a new couch and a bunch of other furniture and then “I’ll just cancel the card and I’ll get it all for free!”.

Trump would never say that after a direct quote with video evidence.

My church uses the King James Bible because that’s the one Jesus used.

Hands down the stupidest thing i ever heard was, I was riding a MUNI bus in San Francisco, right before the solar eclipse in 2017/2018ish. 

Women talking to her friend loudly asked how its possible to have a solar eclipse since the moon is just the sun at night. 

This was a grown woman, dressed in business attire on her way to what I imagine was a financial/tech job.

For those of you with imposter syndrome, remember these people are out there living their lives, confidently. .

"I don't want a raise because it would put me in a higher tax bracket".

My mother in law is a turbo Catholic and during the pandemic she would say “you can’t get sick from church” because apparently church is a magical place where germs and viruses can’t get in. That religion made her do and say a lot of stupid things but that one got me angry.

My mom defending Trump wrote to me in an email that he’s a “blue collar businessman.” I laughed and literally rolled on the floor for like 10 minutes. Still makes me chortle.

Asked a guy at the gas station if he knew where the bookstore was. He replied in a disgusted tone “Do I look like I read BOOKS?” No, I guess you don’t.

My mom got remarried and it’s the weirdest thing….I still look like my dad.

🤯 wish I was kidding. She was in school to be an elementary school teacher, too. Educating the future of America! (Maybe that explains some things….).

"I'm a Christian so I don't believe the Earth is billions of years old."

This was another science teacher at a school I worked at. I laughed because I thought he was joking. At the time I did not even realize that young Earthers were a real thing. I thought they were just a running online joke.

I said when I was younger I wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew. She said that was stupid because why would you want to study something that wasn't real (dinosaurs). When I clarified if she actually thought dinosaurs weren't real, she then said she gets them confused with unicorns. Then told us a story that in college, in a lecture, she tried calling out a professor who said unicorns weren't real because she had one at a birthday party when she was younger. Needless to say, she's a pharmaceutical sales rep now.

Working front desk at a hotel. Guest comes in and walks to the stairwell, then back out and asks "do these stairs go up?"

I take a brief moment to make sure I heard what I thought I heard and reply "guess it depends which way you're going, they also go down".

Dude burst out laughing and went back to the stairwell.

A coworker was telling a story about driving their car, going down an embankment, and having it flip over on its roof. Second coworker cried out, completely sincerely, “Oh my God! Did you live???” And then waited.for.the.answer.