“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers)

My former boss would die on the hill of "real men don't use rolling suitcases." He'd sooner throw out his shoulder carrying a heavy duffel bag than ever be caught dead rolling a suitcase through an airport.

Edit: forgot to add he also thinks "neck pillows are fruity" and can't stand when men wear them around their neck on planes. Also, re: the comments about benefits of hiking backpacks, I don't think I ever saw him sport a two-strap. Fellas, is it gay to have even weight distribution on your shoulders?

I was told that really men never look at their nails with their palm down and would only ever look at their nails with their palm up and fingers curled.

I gotta wonder how secure in your masculinity you've got to be to spend time even thinking about the right way to look at your nails.

"Real men don't let women be on top during sex, because being on the bottom is a submissive position"

Fellas? Is it gay to have sex with a woman?

"Real men don't speak French"

When we were kids, my mother would speak to us in French and my dad in English. By pure coincidence, every other bilingual couple we knew was doing it the same way around. So when my little brother was 4, he decided men spoke English and women spoke French. He still understood French perfectly, but he refused to speak it. He'd also burst into tears when he heard an adult speaking the wrong language for their gender.

My mother told the school about this when she registered him for kindergarten. They put him in a class with a male francophone teacher and he got over himself pretty quickly.

Real men don't lift under (insert weight). Everyone has to start somewhere d**k head. I have been lifting for years but when I see a new kid try lifting crazy heavy with bad form I warn him it's a good way to get hurt. If they don't listen then that's on them.

My friends once introduced me to this guy who was talking REALLY LOUDLY.

I thought maybe he didn't realize how loud he was being so I said "you're a little loud."

Dude said "real men talk loud. Chicks like that."

I did not like that.

Ok so based on this a real man is a guy who:

Is sunburned. Smells because he doesn’t wash his a*s. Screams what he wants with very basic language.

Oh wow the lady must be swooning

Real men don't love their women as much as or more than she loves him. He has to always love her less and be less emotional to hold more power in the relationship.

"Read the Instructions"

Once saw a woman on twitter say something like “if a man is too eager when the free bread gets to the table that’s sus” and I was just blown away by that one

Wannabe tough guy: "Real men don't cook... Only women and gay men cook."

Me: "What about male Chef's like Gordon Ramsay?"

Response A) They're closeted gay men.

Or

Response B) A Chef is a paid position so it doesn't count.

Have long hair. I don't understand it at all. If Eddie van Halen can have long hair, then I can too.

Real men don't put others first.

I have a big family and a lot of my siblings have problems. I do my best to help them, even if it means putting their needs ahead of mine.

My ex-fiance thought this made me weak. A real man doesn't take care of other people, he puts himself first and takes what he wants. Going out of my way to help my brother, lending him money when he needed it, spending time giving him advice, made me a little b***h in her eyes.

We're no longer together.

I've heard real men don't drink tea.

"Real men never say no to sex"

My ex husband used to say real men don't eat popsicles.

Edit to add: my current husband loves popsicles, ex husband was a POS who never got to experience the joy of an icy treat on a hot summer day in the south.

Use umbrellas.

When I was 14 or so, I got my left ear pierced. An older cousin of mine worked at Piercing Pagoda in the mall (mid 90s), and he did it for me.

When my father noticed, he was beside himself and went on and on about me being a sissy. I removed it right away.

Anyway, it turns out that Dad was a self-hating closet-case. Still is.

I saw a video of a woman saying “Real men don’t eat peanut butter and jelly” and I was flabbergasted.

Real men don't wear safety equipment.