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We wanted to get the thread author's thoughts on why their thread got so much attention on the internet. According to them, Reddit is "still male-dominated," which is why the topic made such a big splash.
"We as a society haven't really focused much on the 'old school' pressures we still put on men to appear stoic/strong/etc.," they told Bored Panda.
We asked redditor u/callmevicious about what could help someone become more aware that they might have toxic masculine values. "Repression leads to perversion. If you feel uncomfortable expressing certain emotions, that's something you need to work on," the OP shared their thoughts.
"A certain portion of the population still feels there is a social stigma attached to men expressing emotional vulnerability. It's when men bottle things up that they begin to feel desperate and feel compelled to reach out to the more extreme male-dominated, and toxic, corners of the internet, looking for understanding."
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Meanwhile, the redditor shed some light on the main signs of someone who has embraced healthy masculinity. In their opinion, dignity and integrity are the most vital.
"Respect for yourself and others, particularly those who may be more vulnerable or face more of a struggle than you do. Having a sense of community is crucial; feeling both responsible for and needed by those around you," they said.
"One of the most oft-cited quotes on Reddit is, 'A child that is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.' A lot of these guys feel not only isolated but unwanted. The only solution for it is to leave your keyboard and actually interact with people, without the buffer of a screen between you."
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We had four kids and I was a union steel worker. I took a withdrawal on the union card because the cost of daycare for children was just ridiculous, so my wife, who was a school teacher carried the benefits and I stayed home with our last kid.
I had more than one ironworker tell me that real men don’t change diapers.
I asked them what they would do if their kid had a dirty diaper, and they all said the same thing.
They would have to sit in it until the wife got home.
It was then I realized how ignorant these guys were.
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The r/AskReddit thread made a massive splash on the internet. At the time of writing, Reddit user u/callmevicious’ question had 24k upvotes. The topic was incredibly popular, which just goes to show that toxic masculinity is still alive and kicking in this day and age. On the flip side, more men are aware of the dangers it poses.
Verywell Mind points out that toxic masculinity creates “extreme pressure” to behave in ways that are detrimental to their emotional, mental, and physical health. These men are expected to act tough, be aggressive, reject anything even closely resembling femininity, and strive to attain power and status.
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A huge problem with toxic masculinity is that it glorifies unhealthy habits. There’s a warped belief that self-care is meant for women only and that men should just tough things out. The result is that some men avoid going to see doctors when they run into health issues. They also avoid seeking a therapist’s help when they’re struggling with their mental and emotional health because they see it as a sign of weakness.
Meanwhile, the more a man embraces toxic masculinity, the more they are to engage in risky behaviors, from heavy drinking and using tobacco to avoiding veggies and greens. Combine that with the unwillingness to ask for help when health issues pop up and you have a disaster waiting to strike.
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Broadly speaking, toxic men tend to hold sexist ideals. They tend to think that men are ‘superior’ to women and, so, avoid expressing their emotions, doing housework, and being involved in childcare. This extends to the type of interests, hobbies, and careers ‘real men’ can have. Someone with a toxic masculinity mindset might think, for instance, that anyone who is into dancing, sewing, cooking, or works as a nurse may not be as tough or worthy of respect as others.
These very same men also usually hold homophobic beliefs, often try to intimidate or bully others into submission, and are resistant to change. However, change is very much possible. And it starts with more self-awareness, and the willingness to ask oneself why they’re behaving the way that they are. Embracing the full range of human feelings and asking for help are not signs of weakness. Quite the opposite—they show a man is honest with himself, and has the strength, maturity, self-confidence, and resilience to be vulnerable when needed.
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