35 Times 'Insane' Parents Did Things That Were So Absurd, They Got Shamed Online

To hear from an expert why strict parenting is not the best method of raising kids, we reached out to parenting educator and coach Hillary Gruener. First, we asked Hillary what some of the problems with strict parenting are. "Connection should always come before correction," she told Bored Panda. "Strict parenting leans more towards constant correction, and unhealthy expectation of a child to perform the 'right' way. This can lead children to feel inadequate in the eyes of their parents, possibly causing them to struggle with lifelong insecurity. It can also lead to people pleasing or rebellion."

"But when parents can guide and teach their child through example and loving discipline, it gets our agenda out of the way, and has the child’s best interest at heart — for them to have genuine hearts instead of perfect behavior. Strict parenting misses their hearts and becomes hyper focused on behavior," Hillary explained.

We also asked Hillary why parents sometimes feel the need to be too strict with their kids. "I know for myself, it’s convenient when my kids listen, are well-behaved, and things are peachy," Hillary shared. "Sometimes, being strict gets the job done, but it often misses the heart. My desire to control any given situation can often cause me to become more strict, have unrealistic expectations, and forgo the heart of the matter — for my kids to have genuine hearts."

"I think most of us desire control in some way or another," she explained. "It’s human. So other than it coming from that, it can also be a result of how we were raised. Unhealthy cycles are repeated when we don’t address them and do the work to be humble and apologetic to our kids, while also making changes where we need. Misbehaved children are a call for us as parents to look within and make sure their behavior isn’t a result of something we need to adjust in our parenting."

We also asked Hillary if she had any advice for parents who are tempted to be extremely strict with their kids. "Always have your child’s best interest in mind," she said. "As the adult, it’s your job to set the tone of your household. Ask yourself, 'Do I want to raise genuine hearts or people-pleasers? Do I want my children to fear me when they have done something wrong or feel safe to come to me with anything?'"

"Set realistic boundaries and hold to them to keep everyone accountable, including yourself," Hillary continued. "You can come up with a family guide and list out all the things you expect of one another. For example, be kind, be gracious, put your dish in the dishwasher when you’re done eating, etc. Personalize it to your family. Give your kids clear ideas about what they CAN do, instead of focusing on all they are doing wrong."

Finally, Hillary shared, "Give your kids grace. So much grace. And the most important, if you mess up, simply apologize. There is so much power in your children seeing you own your mistakes."

If you're interested in hearing more wise words from Hillary about parenting, you can find her blog Word from the Bird right here and her Instagram account right here.

Being a parent is an extremely difficult job. There is so much pressure to do and say the right things to ensure that your children grow up to be kind, productive, intelligent, well-adjusted, contributing members of society. It’s natural to desire a little too much control over your children’s lives, as you just want the best for them, and you may fear that something will go wrong if they have too much freedom. But we have to allow kids autonomy. They are individuals, after all, and we can do everything in our power to guide them, but we cannot control them.

I grew up in a relatively strict household and attended a very strict private, religious school as a kid. I felt like there were rules everywhere I went. I never felt safe to explore, share my feelings or even ask questions, as it was so ingrained in me that I should just think inside the box and color inside the lines. Eventually, I attended arts school as a teen, and my whole world opened up. I was exposed to different kids of people, new lifestyles and ideas, and I met kids who weren’t scared of their parents or breaking the rules. Suddenly, the pendulum swung, and I felt the uncontrollable urge to rebel.  

I’m not saying that having strict parents turned me into a delinquent or anything like that, but it certainly did impact who I am as a person. (Just ask my therapist, she’ll tell you!) And while I think I turned out just fine, there is no denying that growing up surrounded by strict rules and the fear of being punished or disappointing your parents has an impact on a person. In fact, according to VOA, overly strict parenting can cause long-term psychological consequences. 

One 22-year-old accounting student opened up to VOA about how having extremely strict parents who place huge amounts of pressure on her has led to struggling with depression and feeling like she has limited freedom to make her own decisions. “There’s no emotional attachment between me and my parents at all,” she shared. She even noted that each morning, she is met with a tirade of harsh words from her parents as they demand perfect academic performance from her. 

Not every strict parent is concerned about grades above all else, though. Some are more worried about their children’s appearances, worried they will go down a path of substance abuse, fearful their kids will be poorly behaved or get arrested, worried their own reputation will be tarnished by their children or simply believe that because they are the adults, they should be in charge of all of their children’s decisions.

To gain more insight on this topic, we also reached out to Pamela Li, MS, MBA, bestselling author and Editor-in-Chief of the online publication Parenting for Brain, to hear her thoughts. First, she laid out some of the issues commonly associated with strict parenting. “Children who are raised by strict parents often display externalizing behaviors or internalizing behavior,” Pamela told Bored Panda.

“Externalizing behavior occurs when rebellious children act out,” she explained. “They are at risk of behavioral or anti-social problems, such as aggression and delinquency. Internalizing behavior happens when children turn their negativity inwards resulting in mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.”

“Children with strict parents also tend to have inflexible thinking, lower self-esteem, peer rejection, and relationship problems,” Pamela continued. “Strict parenting backfires when parents try to control their children’s academic performance. The more they force their children to follow rules in doing their homework or getting good grades, the less motivated they are. Those who enforce rules by taking away privileges will run out of things to take away sooner or later, and their children will still not be motivated.”

We also asked her why parents feel the need to be so strict. “Many strict parents were raised by strict parents themselves,” Pamela explained. “The irony is that those who grew up without control crave control over their children. They suffer from inflexible thinking, just like their children. Their belief is that having strict rules is the only way to raise children who can meet their high standards. Any deviation from them is unacceptable. They are stuck in the either-or thinking, either the child follows the rules or they will be ruined and a failure as a result. For them, there is no middle ground.”

We also asked for any advice she has for parents who feel the temptation to be very strict. “The first step that parents can take if they realize that they are too strict is to talk to their children and get their perspectives,” Pamela shared. “For this to work, they must be open to feedback and criticism. The parents must understand that many things can be accomplished in more than one way. Instead of imposing extremely strict rules on their children, they can find a balance. Strict rules won’t help their kids succeed, but will only damage their relationships with them.”