Having a newborn is bound to cause some disturbance in every household. That's why properly communicating and deciding each person's role in the baby's care is an incredibly important task. When these roles aren't properly communicated, everything can fall apart very fast if anyone feels that they have way more or way less of these responsibilities than they expected. Today's story is a perfect example of that -- a couple who had very different views on what it is like to have one person as a stay-at-home parent, which caused an ugly conflict.
More info: Reddit
When deciding the responsibilities of having a newborn baby people need to have realistic expectations, or the situation can become ugly very quickly
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
Stay-at-home mom gets angry at her husband, as she is the one who has to take care of the baby, both during the day and the majority of nights
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/[deleted]
Man says she chose to be in this position and shouldn't complain if she doesn't want to go back to work, making the stay-at-home mom angry
The OP has been with his wife for a total of 5 years, married for 2 of them. About 5 months ago, they had their first child. The wife said she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, so the husband agreed. Even though he knew that back in the day, she expressed a wish to be a stay-at-home wife, he soon rejected that idea after he told her that she would have to do everything around the house. So, he let her know that when she recovers after birth, she’ll have to do some chores around the house since she’s the one staying at home.
Now, since the baby has been born, he wakes up in the middle of the night a lot. If the OP doesn’t have work the next day at his job of 12-hour shifts, he gets up to take care of him. Sometimes, he does that even if he has work the next day.
A few nights before the man became the Reddit post’s author, his wife went out with her friends for the first time in a while. In the meantime, he took care of their baby. When she came back, she woke up the baby, and he started to cry. So, the man asked his wife to get their son because he had a big day at work in the morning.
The wife refused to do so, stating that she was also tired. Her refusal resulted in the couple's argument, which ended with the OP getting the baby while the wife ate dinner. Additionally, the woman started wondering why the husband takes care of the baby only during some nights while she does that every day and the majority of nights.
The man’s response was that it was the job she chose (being a stay-at-home mom). After all, it’s a 24-hour job. The wife got mad, saying she didn’t know what she was signing up for. So, after some back-and-forth, the husband offered for the wife to go back to work and split childcare 50/50. This idea didn’t please her, and she got even madder. So, the man came on Reddit to ask if he was wrong for saying what he did.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
To this, a lot of people online answered that they believe that the issues in this relationship go way further than just childcare responsibilities. Neither of the people from the story are jerks, as both of them have unrealistic expectations about parenting and each other’s responsibilities.
On that note, some stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) came to the comments to voice how they understand this position. A lot of them stated that being a SAHM includes household responsibilities and taking care of the child during the night. At the same time, even stay-at-home moms need breaks sometimes, too. That’s where their partners should step in.
According to Apryl Duncan, the level of responsibilities of stay-at-home moms can vary. Still, the basic definition of the position includes both childcare and household care. That suggests that, unlike the stereotypes, SAHMs don’t stay at home watching soap operas and barely doing anything. Being a stay-at-home mom is a 24-hour job, just like the Reddit post’s OP said.
So, just as netizens did, we wish that this couple improves their communication skills. Communicating expectations is an important thing that lets people avoid such pointless fights like the one they had. After all, such fights can often lead to something more serious, and, well, that doesn’t sound pleasant at all.
Internet folks are pretty sure the couple are in need of improving their communication skills and managing their expectations of each other
